If you're considering bringing children into your life but haven't really thought about it too much yet, I'll let you in on a truth: People love to give pregnancy and parenting advice at every single stage of pregnancy and parenting. Like, constantly.
And this can be nice, kind of, if the advice is coming from people you know and love. It can even be kind of sweet, maybe, if it's coming from a nice person you met at the market. But it can be downright annoying, absolutely, when it's coming from every stranger you encounter ever for the entire time you are pregnant and/or raising children.
Buuutttt … while it can be frustrating to be inundated with unsolicited pregnancy and parenting advice all the time, it's really nice to find it when you're looking for it. And luckily, the internet has a ton of pregnancy and parenting advice you can seek yourself. Even better, I've compiled some of the absolute best tips just for you.
1. Baby boys require extra thought in one particular area.
A lot of parents of newborn boys are stunned when their sons start soaking diaper after diaper, outfit after outfit. One super-practical and very important piece of advice? Make sure you're arranging all their parts correctly:
“Ok lol I had a boy and I was going thru diapers like crazy like every time he peed it would like leak out the top. Welllll apparently you gotta make sure the lil guy is pointing down lol.”
It sounds obvious, but baby boys don’t come with a manual any more than baby girls do! So now you know.
2. You don't need all of the baby stuff you probably bought.
Baby stuff is so fun to buy. It's adorable! I sometimes see baby stuff that is so cute that I want to buy it despite the fact that I have no babies! But when it comes to pregnancy and parenting, you don't need most of the stuff that's marketed to you.
This is especially true when you're talking about all the stuff out there for newborns:
“You don’t need 90% of the baby stuff marketed at you. And you can and should buy almost everything used (exceptions: carseats, crib mattresses, and stuff they chew on like bottle nipples/teething rings).”
3. Be practical about your meal prepping.
Lots of people will suggest prepping meals in advance for when you bring your newborn home and everyone's a zombie, and I can totally say that is an amazing idea that I was never organized enough to do. If you decide to try it out, keep in mind that you're probably going to be spending the first few weeks eating while holding a baby, and you're also not going to want to be eating something super hot over that baby's head:
“Also, if you’re prepping meals in advance, favor things you can eat with one hand and that taste ok room temperature. I made a bunch of soup … really wish I’d just frozen like 200 burritos instead.”
Another person agrees about burritos:
“The best gift I’ve ever received was a freezer full of burritos. My twin brother knew it would be hard to find time to eat when my son was a newborn, so he hooked us up. He stuffed the entire freezer with burritos. There were dozens of them. I’m getting teary-eyed just thinking about it, and the ‘baby’ is 12 years old.”
4. Childbirth is pretty mortifying.
We don't always talk about it openly, but the act of childbirth is not exactly … clean. Nor is it free from embarrassment. I mean, you will probably be preoccupied with actually giving birth and not care about all of that, but just know what could happen:
“You will bleed for weeks after, even if you have a c-section. The hospital will give you a bunch of mesh underwear, so you can put ice in this little opening. The best thing to do is to moisten and freeze a bunch of maxi pads and then put them in your underwear. You’ll be swollen and it will be painful afterward, the ice is very soothing.
“You’ll also probably poop on the table during the labor. Nobody ever told me that, lol. At that point you don’t care if it’s ’embarrassing’ or not, and every woman mostly does it so there’s no reason to be embarrassed.”
5. Breastfeeding is basically a full-time job.
If you decide to breastfeed your baby, it could be basically all you do — all day long. Which can be lovely! But also exhausting:
“If you’re breastfeeding, it’s a full-time job. You may literally spend 8 hours a day nursing. At first, before you get those lovely baby smiles, you feel like a cow, just a milk machine, and it can be depressing.
“Also, your boobs will leak. Get nursing pads for your bra, and make sure you get clothes that are conducive to nursing.
“IF you’re nursing (not saying you should or shouldn’t, only you know that), the more you feed, the more milk will come in. Don’t worry if you have a low supply at first, babies stomachs are the size of a walnut. The best way to up your supply is to nurse, nurse, nurse. Pumping really sucks, it makes you feel even more like a cow, but if you gotta do it, you gotta do it.”
6. The baby eats every two hours, but don't expect a break.
One piece of pregnancy and parenting advice you often see floated around is that your baby will want to eat every two hours. And it's true! But it's also true that you're not getting two hours off between feeds, and just feeding your baby can take an hour (or longer):
“The baby eats every two hours. That does NOT mean that you get a two-hour break. It’s two hours from the beginning of meal one to the beginning of meal two. Meal one could last 90 minutes, though, giving our breastfeeding mama a mere 30 minute break to stretch, get some water, use the bathroom, change soiled clothes, change the baby, and do ALL the other non-parenthood-related things in life.”
7. If you're breastfeeding, make sure you get plenty of water.
Another piece of breastfeeding that isn't always discussed: You will be really thirsty. Like, more thirsty than you can imagine:
“Oh gosh, and you’re so, so thirsty if you’re breastfeeding! Always have a big glass of water when you sit down to breastfeed, even if you don’t think you need it. But eventually you’ll learn to nurse the baby with one arm while walking around and catching up on laundry with the other!”
8. Keep your baby clean with bibs.
A day care worker chimed in with brilliant advice: They make bibs for a reason. Use them!
“Babies drool SO MUCH and it can be a little gross. Catch all that saliva with a BIB.
“Spit up stains on the new, $25 dollar baby outfit you waited two weeks for from amazon? NOPE! Not you! Your baby had a BIB.
“Baby just ate all of their yummy creamed spinach. Oh, wait, no they didn’t. They just threw it all up down their shirt. Is it ruined? NOPE. Your baby had a BIB.
“You can save so many clothes from stains and then be able to resell them, hand them down to your new little ones, or donate them to a family in need.”
9. Your body could take a while to heal.
If you've recently given birth, your body might be feeling it for weeks, and in ways that you might not expect:
“No one told me about the night sweats post-birth. Your body is going to purge all that retained water. You’re gonna wake up in the middle of the night feeling like someone dumped a buckets of water all over your bed for weeks.
“I suggest investing in a mattress saver!
“Also chapped nipples. Stock up on lanolin and don’t feel bad if you need to use nipple shields. I used them for 4 months on my poor tender angry cracked nips.”
10. Trust yourself.
I said it earlier, and if you're getting ready to have a baby, you'll see it: Everyone wants to dish out unsolicited advice. The best thing you can do is stay calm and trust yourself, even if you mess up sometimes:
“‘Mother knows best’ is a cliche for a reason. Yes, we [expletive] up. Yes, we make mistakes, and we put the diaper on back to front sometimes. But TRUST yourself. Don’t let people make you feel like you’re doing things wrong. You know best for your baby. Ask for advice from your family and friends, accept support and guidance from professionals (even these guys are wrong sometimes!), but trust your judgement on things. Ignore the unsolicited advice from randomers. They were first time mothers themselves at one point. You can guarantee they dropped their baby once or banged that babys head off the car seat handle. Don’t let them make you feel inferior.”
11. It's OK to say you're not ready for visitors.
After you have the baby, everyone and their cousin is going to want to visit, trust me. And that's sweet, but it can also be grueling. Know that it's OK to ask that friends wait a few weeks while you all adjust to your new normal. Family, though? Good luck.
“Don’t be afraid to turn away visitors. You, baby, and daddy all need your rest. Birth is a traumatic event for your body, no matter how smooth. It takes time to bounce back and you may not feel like hosting company, whether in the hospital or at home right away. Also with all the sickness going around, its best to keep baby healthy.”
12. Fed is best.
There is a LOT of debate online and offline about what the "best" way to feed your baby is, and trust: Feeding your baby is the best way. If you breastfeed, great! If you formula-feed, great! Just feed that baby. Again, trust yourself and trust your process, and know that if you're doing your best to make sure your baby is OK, and you're feeding your baby when he or she needs to be fed, you're doing a good job.
13. Pediatric centers are there for a reason.
One mom shared that she had a scary experience with her infant, who got the flu and needed to be taken to a hospital. She didn't know it then, but a regular hospital without a children's ER wasn't ideal:
“This is extreme, but something I’ve had to learn the hard way: regular hospital ERs are rarely equipped to deal with infants. When my baby was 10 days old, she ended up in our local ER with the flu. Starting the IV for fluids and medication was a nightmare. They ended up transporting us to a children’s hospital. This was absolutely terrifying as a first time mom and I cried the entire ambulance ride. But I cannot stress enough how quickly my fear dissipated (for the most part) upon our arrival there. They are freaking pros there. So long story short, if its at all possible, if your child is super sick or injured and you logically have the option of going to a children’s hospital over a regular hospital, do it.”
14. Sometimes the less expensive options work best.
When it comes to diapers, there are a lot of options out there. And funnily, some of the more expensive brands aren't always best. When my husband and I were fostering babies, we found that the Walmart-brand diapers worked best for them. It was pretty funny! Another mom shared a similar story:
“I landed on Target’s Up & Up diapers and have been using them probably since my son was 2 months old (he’s 20 months now). They’re fine, and fortunately my kid doesn’t have sensitive skin, and doesn’t have crazy blowout issues, so we’ve never had to experiment with diapers. The only diapers I have hated were Luvs, which my parents would buy for him to use at their place. They were scented and I just didn’t like them.”
15. Let your partner help you.
Sometimes it can feel like brand-new moms have to take on everything. If you have a partner who is helping you raise the baby, make sure you let that person take on as much as you are. One dad said:
“This piece of info might not apply to you but if you have a partner, from the very beginning learn to rely on them with your precious new baby. They are capable to do much and to learn a lot. Helping out is also their way to bond with the child. Breastfeeding is very demanding on the mother and the recovery from delivery/C-section can take time and be complicated. So let them know it’s hard, make them understand the newborn is not the only one in a vulnerable position, and share the load. It’s natural to feel that only you can do the job perfectly but if you go that route you’ll soon burn out and resent your situation at the moment. And when you complain two months after your partner might go, you pushed me away and now you want me to do it? Your baby will thrive if she gets that from the beginning she could rely on multiple people.”
