Actress and lifestyle blogger Eva Amurri, Susan Sarandon's daughter, is preparing to have a home birth when she welcomes her third child. The father of her baby is her husband, Kyle Martino, but the two aren't together anymore. While they are co-parenting their kids, Eva has recently explained that she doesn't want Kyle in the delivery room when their third child is born.
“Birthing this time without a partner has made me get in my own head a lot about whether I’m strong enough to do this. Birth is so emotional, and so I knew early on that having Kyle there wasn’t going to feel right to me. Our intimacy level has totally changed now that we aren’t a couple, obviously, and in order to really let go and allow labor to progress (especially with a Home Birth) it’s so important to feel completely at ease in your body and support.
"I’ve realized that having a strong female energy present at my birth this time is going to bring that for me. I’ve elected to have my female midwives, my awesome doula (also a woman), and some incredible girlfriends– who are all Mamas as well."
Basically, Eva is saying that because they aren't together, she doesn't feel the same level of intimacy that she did when they were. This is all completely fair, and it's her right to decide who is and isn't there. She said that Kyle will absolutely meet his child as soon as he's born.
"My kids will be there, and I’m excited for them to witness the miracle of birth for the first time, and to hopefully take that experience with them forever as they grow into adults as well. Kyle will, of course, meet his son directly after he’s born (and we both feel good about this decision), but not having a partnership present at this birth feels totally different!"
Eva is planning for her two older children, Major and Marlowe, to be present at the birth of their brother. Marlowe is 6, and Major is 4 years old.
Eva's hope is to have a birth experience that feels intentional and true to who she is and what she wants. She explained that since this is her third birth, she has wisdom now that she didn't with the first and second.
"It’s been taking a lot of intentional thought and work on myself as I near the birth experience to get out of my own fears and to focus on the power I have felt during this pregnancy. Knowing EXACTLY how challenging birth is doesn’t help those fears either. I wish I could go back to the blissful ignorance of my first delivery when I really didn’t know how challenging birth was yet– and I didn’t know what to expect around each corner. I’m really hoping I can lean into the comforts of my experience as a seasoned birthing mama in the next couple of weeks, instead of allowing it to intimidate me."
The last year has definitely been an intense one for the family. Eva and Kyle announced their separation in early November.
"I still feel resistance when I look back on this whirlwind pregnancy that I spent wrapping my head around my marriage ending, getting through a divorce, and making sure my kids came out of all of it emotionally cared for and loved."
Two weeks later, they spent Thanksgiving together despite all the conflicting feelings that come with the breakdown of a marriage. While everyone was sick, they still had a great day together. Obviously Eva and Kyle are prioritizing their kids first, which is always the best thing to do. However, Eva also wrote that all the focus on her children has meant she hasn't been able to focus on herself.
"I haven’t spent a lot of time caring for my own needs or connecting to my growing baby. And I don’t get to have that time back."
"In many ways, I hope this birth process with my third child can be one of releasing what 'wasn’t' with this pregnancy, and connecting to the visceral parts of what this pregnancy is: the way to meet the divine and perfect human that my body created during the most chaotic time of my life. The holiest way of meeting a person who has stayed with me so beautifully through it all– and the final moments of healing– as he joins our family as he was always meant to."
Eva also wrote about how so many mothers experience exactly what she's going through: "I know that all of these expectations are a lot to place on an experience, a simple but powerful one that all mothers have gone through since the beginning of time…but I have faith that what is filled with fear is also filled with beauty. And that usually what we fear the most has a way of surprising us and feeding us in the most life-changing of ways."
When Kyle shared the news that he and Eva had split, he posted a photo on Instagram from the two of them. The caption read: "Our family is starting down a new path. After a lot of thoughtful consideration, and work on our relationship, we have made the difficult decision to lovingly part ways as a couple. We are committed to, and excited about, raising our three beautiful children as close friends and deep partners, and we have the utmost respect for one another."
They continued: "We feel so grateful for the wonderful gifts we have created and received throughout our decade together. We have realized over time that the best path to happiness for us as a family is in this different direction, and we look forward to forging ahead in to a new beautiful relationship. We appreciate your support and understanding as we navigate this new transition for our family. All the love, Eva & Kyle."
And since then, the family has largely done what they said they would do: They've continued to work together and to support one another. It can't be easy to separate when you have a third child on the way, but Eva and Kyle seem like they've really made it work by being intentional, thoughtful, and caring.
