Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have stood firm in their decision to step back from their roles as senior royals. While many people have slammed Meghan for the decision, Harry has also gotten his fair share of backlash.
Most people who think Harry has made the wrong decision don't think it's because of his obligation to The Firm. Rather, they think it's a personally crushing blow to his dear granny, Queen Elizabeth.
The relationships between all members of the royal family are complex and multifaceted. They are, at their core, a family, but they are also an institution. Reconciling those two things can't always be easy, and this is one of the instances where that's painfully evident.
Still, the idea that the relationship between Harry and the Queen is irreparably changed is parts preposterous and obvious. Relationships transform over time, and theirs has certainly changed as Harry's entered a new phase in his life. No amount of change can cancel out the years of family hardships and joy they have experienced together, however. As such, Harry is hurt by the idea that his decision causes his granny any hurt feelings or pain.
In recent weeks, there's been a lot of talk about how Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's decision to step away from their roles as senior royals has impacted Queen Elizabeth. It's understandable that the public is concerned about the relationship between the 93-year-old monarch and the man who is widely believed to be her favorite grandson. Harry is aware of this as well.
"He feels terrible about hurting his grandmother, whom he adores," a source close to Harry revealed to Us Weekly.
What Harry doesn't appreciate, however, is the narrative that this decision comes as a result of his wife putting her foot down, a narrative the royal family hasn't really done anything to dispute. Certainly, Meghan's feelings have been taken into consideration, but there are also feelings Harry has separate from his marriage.
"He misses nights out with his boys, polo matches and rugby, and he’s really been craving a decent pint," the source noted. These may be some of the things Harry had the opportunity to communicate to the Queen during their hours-long heart-to-heart when he returned to London on March 1.
The relationship between Harry and his granny has definitely had its ups and downs. The Queen is said to love Harry's playful sense of humor, with many saying he is her favorite grandchild.
In the 2016 documentary Elizabeth at 90 – A Family Tribute, his unique love and respect for the Queen is noted.
"I still view her more as the Queen than my grandmother," he said. "You have this huge amount of respect for your boss and I always view her as my boss, but occasionally as a grandmother."
That may sound cold, but for someone who grew up as part of the institution of the royal family, that's actually significant and meaningful.
In 2012, he revealed his time in the military had changed his perspective. "Once you're in the military, she means a lot more to you than just a grandmother," he explained to ABC News.
"And then you suddenly, it's like start realizing, you know, wow, this is quite a big deal. And then you get goosebumps and then the rest of it."
Many point to the accommodations made for Harry and Meghan in their years as senior royals as an indication of the Queen's willingness to bend.
"There has always been a willingness to consider. The Queen is always there to talk about family matters but when it comes to matters of monarchy and the institution it’s not off the cuff. It’s not just a case of popping over for tea to discuss it," a royal source told Vanity Fair.
"Decisions made on things like that have ramifications for three generations going forward and time was needed to get this right," the source also noted. This, perhaps, is where Harry gets stuck.
Going back three generations from his own life brings up a number of interesting points. For one, there is the royal family's "younger sibling" issue. Harry is not the first of the non-heir children in the family's history to feel the establishment has taken them for granted.
Harry may also get hung up on the times where the family has made concessions for other people that he feels weren't extended to the women in his own life. For example, Diana's reputation for going against the royal grain was, similarly to Meghan's, regarded as her trying to take over or thinking she was particularly special. In many instances, however, it was to protect her sons.
While their place in the monarchy guaranteed William and Harry protections, none of those protections were extended to their mother. We know Harry blames the predatory press for his mother's fate and fears the same may happen to Meghan. One can easily see how these issues may be difficult to reconcile for him.
If that sounds like a stretch, consider the words spoken by Diana's little brother, Charles Spencer, at her funeral. "I don't think she ever understood why her genuinely good intentions were sneered at by the media, why there appeared to be a permanent quest on their behalf to bring her down. It is baffling," he said.
Later, he continued, "It is a point to remember that of all the ironies about Diana, perhaps the greatest was this — a girl given the name of the ancient goddess of hunting was, in the end, the most hunted person of the modern age."
It isn't just Diana and how her story has begun to parallel Meghan's, however. Many thought it was a big deal when Harry released a statement requesting the press back off of Meghan before the two were even engaged. Some have referenced back to this as an indication that Meghan has always forced Harry to be her talking piece, or that she was never able to handle the media attention that came with their relationship.
These short-sighted memories seem to forget what it was like for Kate Middleton when, days before her 25th birthday, a magazine cover christened her "The Next People's Princess." Paddy Haverson, communications secretary at Clarence House, issued a statement on William's behalf regarding his then-girlfriend.
"Prince William is very unhappy at the paparazzi harassment of his girlfriend. He wants more than anything for it to stop. Miss Middleton should, like any other private individual, be able to go about her everyday business without this kind of intrusion."
If it's just something that Harry and Meghan need to deal with, why then was William allowed to make such a statement about Kate? Arguably, the future king and queen consort would need thicker skin than any other couple.
Although they couldn't formally offer Kate protection because she wasn't married into the family, the royal family reportedly helped Kate put protective measures in place for herself, with the help of the Middleton family.
No such provisions were known to be offered to Meghan. Considering the fact that she reportedly had pause about bringing Archie to England because of media attention, whatever is currently in place for her may feel inadequate in guaranteeing her son's safety.
Meghan, for her part, has tried to maintain a good relationship with the Queen. During the BBC interview following the couple's engagement, Meghan referred to the Queen as "an incredible woman."
"To be able to meet her through [Harry's] lens, not just with his honor and respect for her as the monarch, but the love that he has for her as his grandmother. All of those layers have been so important for me," Meghan revealed. She continued, "So, [when] I met her, I had such a deep understanding, and of course incredible respect for being able to have that time with her."
The Queen has chosen to support Meghan more privately, however, especially after rumors surfaced that she showed favoritism for Meghan over Kate.
Complicated family dynamics are at their most complicated when it comes to the royal family. There seem to be years of rug-swept feelings as a part of service, and they seem to be coming back to haunt everyone. We may never truly know how Harry and the Queen's relationship has been altered by marriage, this decision, or any of the other milestones that mark his life. It is certain, however, that Harry has always tried to maintain respect for his granny.
