Nearly three years ago, YouTube mom Myka Stauffer and her husband James adopted their son Huxley from China. Adoption is traditionally a permanent thing: When parents adopt a child, they bring the child into their lives and home the same way they do when giving birth to a child. Adoption doesn't mean that a child is yours temporarily; it means that a child is yours, forever.
Or … it should. But Myka and James have shared that they've "rehomed" their son to another mom, who will now be his "forever mommy." If the terms sound familiar, it might be because people use the same words when they need to find a new home for their dog, cat, or other family pet.
Myka and James have also explained that the reason they have "rehomed" their son is that he has autism, and they can't handle it. Jame said, "Once Huxley came home, there was a lot more special needs that we weren't aware of, and that we were not told."
So far, the two haven't explained what they'll do if any of their four biological children develop autism or any other conditions that may be more difficult to manage.
James went on to explain that the feedback from the doctors involved in Huxley's life have made raising him a challenge for the couple.
"For us, it's been really hard hearing from the medical professionals, a lot of their feedback, and things that have been upsetting."
He also says that he and Myka have tried to help Huxley but apparently feel like they can't anymore.
"We've never wanted to be in this position. And we've been trying to get his needs met and help him out as much as possible… We truly love him."
This is an interesting turn of phrase, as any parent of a child who has exceptional or additional needs might tell you.
Myka also tried to insist that the couple loves Huxley, but maybe not enough to provide their son with the health support that he needs. "There's not an ounce of our body that doesn't love Huxley with all of our being. There wasn't a minute that I didn't try our hardest and I think what Jim is trying to say is that after multiple assessments, after multiple evaluations, numerous medical professionals have felt that he needed a different fit and that his medical needs, he needed more."
Myka also acknowledged that she and James have completely failed their son.
"Do I feel like a failure as a mom? Like, 500 percent." She also explained in the video how "hard" their time with Huxley was.
"The last couple months have been like the hardest thing I could have ever imagined to going to choosing to do because ultimately, after pouring our guts and our heart into this little boy."
People are completely outraged that Myka and James opted to "rehome" their own son, and that they assumed that their decision would be understood. And it makes sense: This is — was — their child. They made the choice to adopt him, and they publicized that choice on their YouTube channel. One can safely assume they even profited from it.
Myka and James' decision also raises a lot of questions about adoption and why some parents enter into adoption at all. After all, not everyone is meant to be an adoptive parent, and situations like this demonstrate exactly why. If you aren't willing to treat your adopted child the same way you would treat your biological child, you probably shouldn't adopt at all.
Of course, Myka and James haven't said if they would "rehome" a biological child, so it's possible this approach is part of their parenting philosophy.
I'm a mom of a child who has additional needs, so this whole story is pretty personal. I have had acquaintances, friends, and even someone I worked for tell me, to my face, that they would never want to have a child who has extra needs. It's a startling thing to hear from someone, especially when they know that you, in fact, are happily parenting a child who requires extra medical appointments, sees many specialists, and has their own journey to work through in life.
So it comes as little surprise that Myka and James' followers are reacting in a pretty negative way. Another person echoed the concern that Myka and James may not react to any medical conditions or diagnoses in their biological children with kindness.
"So disgusting. If her biological kid gets diagnosed with autism will she abandon that kid too?"
Others pointed out that they aren't going to be particularly inclined to watch Myka's channel for parenting advice now. One user on Twitter wrote, "Giving away one of my children isn't a viable option for me, though. Surely there are better methods of managing the obligations you willingly accepted. Frankly, I'm not interested in any kind of advice from anyone who would do this."
And a third commenter added that the entire situation is just confusing, and sad.
"Okay but this myka stauffer stuff makes me really sad bc I've watched her since before she adopted Huxley and when I watched the video it made absolutely NO sense? Your child was too hard to handle? So you…. gave him back? Like…. a gift receipt. That poor sweet thing."
Myka and James have also asked for privacy, and they have stated they will not be addressing Huxley anymore. It's definitely a really intense situation, and it's probably one that people will not be reacting kindly to for quite some time. After all, plenty of the videos about Huxley and the pair's "China adoption" are still publicly available, and, one can assume, racking up views and dollars.
