Relationships between family members can go through different phases, and this seems to be especially true for wives and mother-in-laws. Try as both parties might, it can sometimes feel nearly impossible for the two to really, truly get along. This is especially true when one person has a toxic attitude toward the other.
One woman recently shared on Reddit that her mother-in-law has crossed a huge boundary: She went behind the mom's back to get health information about her 9-year-old grandson. To make matters worse, the pediatrician gave the mother-in-law the information she requested, despite the fact that doing so is a clear violation of the child's patient rights and HIPAA privacy laws.
Now the mom is mad — and she's decided to report the pediatrician.
The mom writes that her 9-year-old has a medical condition, and it's been challenging to get her mother-in-law to understand that she doesn't need to jump in with her own thoughts and concerns all the time:
"My F38 son 9 has a medical condition. We're struggling so much trying to do everything we can to help him deal and cope with his condition. It's been difficult enough without my mother in law getting involved and making decisions without talking to me and my husband first. She'd completely disregard our fears and concerns as parents and claim we don't know what's best for her grandson by trying to control doctors appointments/arguing with doctors. Criticizing and telling them how to do their job bringing medication that her friend doctor prescribed without even diagnosing my son."
She goes on to say that her mother-in-law appears to believe she has a right to insert herself where she sees fit:
"She'd get mad if we don't comply and do what she tells us. Her latest stunt was showing up at my son's appointment and making a scene resulting in me and my husband going no contact and changing the clinic by having my son's medical file [transferred] to another clinic."
Things got so bad that the mom and dad ended up switching to a new doctor's office, and they told the new team point-blank that the mother-in-law was not allowed to receive any details about their son's medical condition:
"My mother in law was removed from any emergency contact we had before and we made it clear to the new doctor to not share our son's medical information. My mother in law kept trying to find out what clinic/which doctor our son goes to and she tried to guilty tip my husband and also get the family to pressure us into letting her know. No one realized the negative affect she had on my son's health and progress and the family kept calling me awful and resentful because she's just worried for her grandson."
Unfortunately, everything has recently blown up in a major way:
"Last week. I found out that my mother in law was at the clinic and was speaking to my son's pediatrician about my son's condition. My husband told me his mom called and told him she was talking to the doctor discussing our son's condition. He told me he didn't want to speak to his mom but she called to let him know that she has a right to take part in her grandson's care and that we shouldn't try to hide things from her since she eventually was able to find out."
Of course, the mom was angry for two reasons: (1) Her mother-in-law overstepped in a huge way. (2) The doctor never should have revealed anything. It's wrong and it's illegal.
"I was livid. I was so angry I went to talk to the doctor about the conversation she had with my mother in law and the fact that she disclosed medical information after being told several times that this would cause us plenty of issues because of my mother in law's behavior. Mother in law is already trying to get involved and I just couldn't take it. I reported the doctor and filled an HIPAA complaint."
Instead of being on her side, the whole family has decided the mom, and not the mother-in-law, is the problem here:
"My mother in law spread the news about the doctor and the whole family was stunned saying my bitterness jeopardized the doctor's career and that she only shared information with my son's grandmother not some stranger. Also said that I'm not being focused on my son and choosing to start arguments instead. Basically made it look like it's my fault. I'm so tired and I can't take it anymore. My husband agrees that I shouldn't have filed a complaint like he has no problem with his mother now showing up at the clinic and causing scenes."
There is really a lot to unpack here! First of all, it can be really intense when your child has a medical condition that requires frequent doctor visits. That's already so much for a parent to have on their plate. Adding a meddlesome grandparent to the mix is enough to send nearly anyone over the edge, especially if that grandparent isn't really helping the situation at all.
It definitely seems like plenty of people on Reddit agree.
One person wondered if the woman's husband has been using a different definition for what "no contact" really means:
"This definitely seems like a HIPAA issue if the information came from the doctor. But it also seems like OP [the original poster] and her husband have very different versions of what going no contact means. Somehow MIL had access to OP's husband to guilt him about her not being involved and somehow she's managed to call him more than once since they went 'no contact', and somehow she did manage to discover who the new pediatrician was. And now the husband is both fine with his mother being involved and suggesting that making a HIPAA complaint was the wrong choice. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he was the one giving all the information and knows it will come out if there's an investigation."
Obviously, if that's the case, there are larger implications for the relationship the woman has with her husband. It's clear that her mother-in-law's behavior really bothers her, and that it's possibly dangerous for their 9-year-old.
Another commenter added that if the doctor freely gave out this information, they have kind of doomed themselves.
"Also, you didn't jeopardize the doctor's career, OP. THE DOCTOR jeopardized her OWN career. I mean… my God. Do you know how many times I've had to tell my doctor she can, and should, tell my mom everything/anything because I am guaranteed to forget it? How many times I've had to re-sign forms to ensure my mom was listed as being able to access my medical information? How many times I've had to verbally confirm it?
"You don't give that information out to ANYONE, not even family members, WITHOUT EXPLICIT PERMISSION. That was a mind-blowingly stupid move on her part and you SHOULD report her!"
Another person suggested it might be time to take things further with the mother-in-law:
"In terms of the MIL, I wonder if this is grounds for a restraining order, considering she's had multiple warnings, being cut off, being told to butt out, and now breaking [HIPAA] laws, not only for a patient that she doesn't have access to info for, but for a CHILD who she has no access to. I'm wondering if there is legal action that can be taken against her as she is hindering any all attempts to help the son while also causing so much emotional damage and injury to the parents."
Ultimately, a lot of people also agree that if the mother-in-law was really concerned about her grandson's health, she never would have done any of this.
"I'm just glad there some people who can actually see that her behavior is just wrong," said one commenter. "She has no regard for her grandson's health. If she cares even a little, she wouldn't be doing any of this."
