The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can get pretty complicated.
At best, it can be a great relationship that brings you a feeling of having another mom whom you can rely on and confide in. It's great when that happens, and it does happen more than you think.
The other side of mother-in-law relationships is what's more commonly heard of. Bitter sniping and passive-aggressive actions that draw other family members in can be really challenging on a lot of levels, yet that's the reality of some families, with even more families falling somewhere in the middle. Whatever your reality may be, someone's been there and is able to shed some insight on the experience.
"I used to think mothers-in-law are difficult the world over, but on that day I came to understand that they're simply unknowable."
— Lisa See, The Island of Sea Women
Relationships with mothers-in-law can be complicated, but that's because there are layers there that go way back. Not everyone is willing to look back and share.
"A mother gives you a life, a mother-in-law gives you her life."
— Amit Kalantri
Sometimes when we're hard on mothers-in-law, it's important to remember they're trusting us with their most precious gift.
"All the mothers-in-law I have ever had were admirable. Yet the legend of the comic papers is profoundly true. It draws attention to the fact that it is much harder to be a nice mother-in-law than to be nice in any other conceivable relation of life. The caricatures have drawn the worst mother-in-law a monster, by way of expressing the fact that the best mother-in-law is a problem."
— G. K. Chesterton, All Things Considered
Mothers-in-law get a bad rep that isn't always deserved. This one reminds us not to go in assuming the worst.
"When you have a wonderful mother-in-law who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter — that's something."
— Lou Gehrig
Give credit where it's due, especially when she's got your back!
"What can you say about a man, who on Mother's Day sends flowers to his mother-in-law, with a note thanking her for making him the happiest man on Earth?"
— Nancy Reagan
That's a man well-raised, that's for sure.
"A mother-in-law's praise says more in a woman's favor than anything else in the world."
— Caroline Pafford Miller
Earning her praise may not be easy, but there are few feelings better than when you actually do.
"Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law."
— Unknown
Not only did you not let your wife down, but you exceeded your mother-in-law's expectations? That's winning!
"A man who treats a woman like a princess is proof that he has been born and raised in the arms of a queen."
— Unknown
So many women are blessed with a great husband and know that it came from a great upbringing.
"A mother-in-law you may be, but a friend in you I'll always see."
— Unknown
For those lucky enough to enjoy a good relationship with their mother-in-law, that friendship can be invaluable.
"The mother-in-law is the center of a family."
— Les Dawson
There's a reason she's considered the matriarch, for better or worse!
"Be kind to your mother-in-law but pay for her board at some good hotel."
— Josh Billings
Having a good relationship with a mother-in-law can be as simple as good boundaries at times. Don't be afraid to exercise them!
"My husband believes in love at first sight, all because he fell in love with you when he first opened his eyes."
— Unknown
Many women will attest to the fact that their husband's relationship with his mother relates to their husband's relationship with them. While sometimes that can be a struggle, it can also be good at times.
"Dear mother-in-law, please don't tell me how to raise my children. I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement."
— Unknown
A mother-in-law may be an experienced parent, but not a perfect one. It's OK not to take every bit of advice.
"A good mother-in-law is always there when you need her. A great mother-in-law calls ahead to make sure you need her before she comes."
— Unknown
It's great to know she'll always be around, but it's also good to know she won't always be around.
"I went from resenting my mother-in-law to accepting her, finally to appreciating her. What appeared to be her diffidence when I was first married, I now value as serenity."
— Ayelet Waldman
Sometimes the relationship with a mother-in-law needs time to evolve and grow. Trust the process.
"You are quite different from my mother, but in one way, you are the same. You love your son as well as your family the most in your life."
— Unknown
Most people find their own parents have very little in common with their in-laws, but there can be things you learn from those differences.
"The best thing about having you as my mother-in-law is my children having you as their granny."
— Unknown
Even when your mother-in-law is getting on your nerves, if they're good to your kids, there's a lot you can learn to overlook.
"I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months – I don't like to interrupt her."
— Ken Dodd
Everyone knows a chatty mother-in-law, whether or not she's yours!
"You are lucky if your spouse and mother-in-law gel well."
— Unknown
So many spouses don't realize how lucky they are.
"A mother-in-law deserves love and respect just as your own mother does. Treat her like you want your mother to be treated."
— Unknown
It's definitely easier for some than others, but if you're looking to lead by example, you know what you need to do.
"You never meet your mother-in-law on the day that you are well dressed."
— Creole proverb
Some mothers-in-law have bad timing, so you've got to make the best of every situation.
"The only thing more intimidating than a huge international film star is your mother-in-law."
— Benjamin Walker
Don't get too intimidated!
"My mother-in-law was with me during all four of my births and when she was sitting next to me holding my hand during the cesareans, well, I craved that."
— Patricia Heaton
Looks like Patricia's real life mother-in-law experience is much more smooth-going than her fictional one on Everybody Loves Raymond.
"The mother of a trophy wife is not automatically a trophy mother-in-law."
— John Grisham
You never do know what you're going to get.
"The mother-in-laws themselves weren't natural jokes but most comedians used to use that."
— Allen Toussaint
There are a lot of jokes about mothers-in-law, but it's not really about them. Sometimes family is the easiest thing to poke fun at.
"How blessed we are, how fortunate we've been. That you are both his Mother and one of my closest friends."
— Unknown
When it works out well, don't knock it. A good mother-in-law is a priceless gift.
"If I didn't have you as a mother-in-law, I'd still choose you as a friend."
— Unknown
Not everyone is lucky enough to have this bond, so if you do, treasure it.
"It's beautiful to see how two amazing women can love the same incredible man in completely different ways."
— Unknown
Both of those relationships are significant and deserve celebration.
"You can't love everyone unless you start loving your mother-in-law."
— Mina Tadros
It may not be a bad place to start!
"We promise to live a life that does justice to all the sacrifices you've made to get us here."
— Unknown
In the end, it's the best gift you can give any parent, and a mother-in-law is no exception.
