Paris Jackson has been protective of her privacy as an adult. She's opened up selectively about her personal life, focusing instead on her music and modeling projects.
She gets candid in a new discussion with longtime friend Willow Smith. The one-on-one was a special related to Red Table Talk, where Willow is typically joined by mom Jada Pinkett Smith and grandma Adrienne Banfield-Norris.
In this conversation, Willow explains she met Paris when she was 10. The two quickly bonded over growing up in famous families, career paths, and struggles, all of which they revisit during their chat.
Note: If you or any of your loved ones are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can always reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 1-800-273-8255. They are available 24/7 by phone or online chat.
Paris Jackson has been through a lot in her 23 years. She experienced a childhood where her father, Michael Jackson, tried to protect her from the fierce fanfare around him, only to lose him at just 11 years old. That life in the spotlight has taken its toll on Paris, who early in her disccusion with Willow admitted to experiencing auditory hallucinations.
"I experience audio hallucination sometimes of camera clicks, and severe paranoia," Paris shared.
"I've been going to therapy for a lot of things, that included and I've started … I'll hear a trash bag rustling and I'll flinch and panic. It's just standard PTSD."
"I have nightmares, but it's primarily if I'm out in public during the day," she said of her experience with the paparazzi.
"I don't really go out during the day. I do catch it affecting my personal relationships, including romantic relationships. PTSD can affect pretty much every aspect of your life."
"I've just started the healing process," she continued, sharing she does EMDR, a form of psychotherapy that treats traumatic memories.
Paris and Willow discussed how hard it is to make friends because of the paranoia. Paris admitted that "everyone who walks into my house signs an NDA." Willow also added how the behavior is seen as a reflection on their respective families, which then adds to the pressure around social situations.
The conversation then moved to suicidal feelings and how they've been at an all-time high during the pandemic. Willow acknowledged they've "both been there," and Paris opened up about her experiences.
In speaking about the regret some people feel during a suicide attempt, Paris acknowledged, "There have been times where I did and times when I didn't, times where I was upset that it didn't work."
"I can say that several years later that I'm really grateful that it didn't. Things have gotten better."
Paris shared that getting better came from "radical acceptance that it's just not meant to be," after several failed suicide attempts. She realized "maybe it's not my time."
"I've heard these gnarly stories of people that have tried to [hang] themselves and they end up paralyzed and still live. Knowing my luck, as many times as I tried, I'd probably end up in that kind of situation."
Paris said she accepted she had to wait it out. "During that waiting time, I've found more and more joys in life and more and more ways to cope and more ways to really live instead of just exist."
The conversation then shifted to Paris' experiences after losing her father. She and her brothers moved in with Jackson family matriarch Katherine Jackson. Their upbringing was, in part, influenced by Katherine's beliefs as a Jehovah's Witness. As Paris got older, her beliefs differed from those of her family's, but she's managed to stay close with her brothers and many of her cousins.
Paris didn't get to know her mom, Debbie Rowe, until she was 15. "It's cool, getting to know her, seeing how similar we are. We're getting into what kind of music she likes, she really likes country and folk so I sent her some of the stuff I've been working on with banjos."
Paris has gone on to explain she's been in a period of deep introspection, which includes working on her music, after experiencing heartbreak. She and ex Gabriel Glenn split after two years together, and not on great terms.
"It was the deepest I've ever loved someone," she shared.
"It was the most intense that I've felt so far and the most intense betrayal I've felt so far. It's definitely closed me off to that. I'm very careful with who I spend time with now and very guarded and just trying to protect myself."
Going back to their famous families, Willow asked how it was to come out to her family. "I'm still kind of figuring it out. My family is very religious and a lot of homosexuality is very taboo, so they don't like to talk about it, it's not really accepted," she shared.
"But I've gotten to a point where I respect them and I have love for them, I respect their beliefs, I respect their religion."
"I'm at a point where, to expect them to put aside their culture and their religions … expectations to me lead to resentments and what people think about me isn't my business," she continued.
"There were moments where it was really hard. You feel alone, you feel excluded."
Paris shared she always had the support of her brothers. Prince even goined a Gay-Straight Alliance club at school to be a more supportive ally to his sister.
In later fan questions, Paris addresses how she navigates her sexuality in a conservative family. "Some of my family I talk to about it openly, some of my family I don't. I've reached a point right now where I have love and respect for my family, their beliefs, their culture, their religion and if I'm to expect them to set that aside just so I can feel accepted, expectations lead to resentments for me," she reiterated.
"So I try and take the approach that what other people think of me is none of my business and as long as I'm living a life of love and being of service and honesty and I'm not hurting other people, I think I'll be alright."
