When two people are in a relationship, the decision to bring a child into the family is typically one that they make together. Of course, just because something is typical doesn't mean it always happens, as one woman has recently shared on Reddit.
She writes: "I (28f) have been married to my husband (28m) for 5 years & we have been together since high school. We have one daughter together, Erin (10f), who is severely autistic."
Her husband is gone at least half the year.
"Our family situation isn’t ideal, & has put a strain on our relationship with both each other & our child. My husband works in the Navy & is usually gone for 6-9 months at a time. This means I am left alone to look after Erin, which is extremely difficult as she is essentially non-verbal, has ARFID, etc. I love my daughter & I wouldn't change her for the world, but it can still be very stressful & my husband does not always understand that."
She recently got in touch with her cousin.
"I don't have many friends & live far from family so life can feel very difficult & lonely. When my cousin (37f) got in touch to reconnect, it felt like an answered prayer. However, I found out she was battling alcoholism & neglecting her two children, Mia (16f) & Corey (6f). I reported the incident to CPS & got emergency custody (their father is not in the picture), & at this point my husband was very supportive."
Her nieces and her daughter get along really, really well.
"The girls & my daughter became very close. I have never, ever seen my daughter love/trust someone as quickly as she did with Mia & Corey. Mia is a very maternal soul & Corey, although young, is fascinated by Erin. I have never seen a child so young be so inclusive & accepting of my daughter & her needs. I truly believe these girls were sent to us."
She ended up getting custody of the girls.
"I now have full custody of them, & their mother is still drinking. I may not have given birth to these girls but they are as much my daughters as Erin. They are the first friends Erin has ever had as other children tend to be intimidated by her & her needs, & seeing them all get along so well warms my Mama heart."
Her husband is super mad.
"My husband does not feel the same. When I originally told him that I applied for full custody, he was angry & told me that was not my decision to make, that it's his house too & I shouldn't go adopting children wherever I find them, & hung up. I can understand where he's coming from, but I'm not asking him to adopt them. I'm asking him to respect the fact that they need us & that I'm not going to give up on them like their parents did."
Now she's considering separating.
"When he came home for Christmas last year, he completely blanked them & pretended they didn’t exist. He would also frequently say to our daughter that she was the only child he was ever going to love or need, right in front of them, which was just cruel. On top of that, he barely spoke to me the whole time either.
"His behaviour really hurt them & they’re terrified of Christmas. My husband & I rarely speak, & there's a part of me that wonders if we're better off separate but I know the girls will think it's their fault."
People are pretty horrified by her actions.
A lot of people are questioning the woman's intentions.
As one person writes: "Although it’s okay to want to help those in need and it’s valid to feel that parenting a child alone is tiring, it’s weird that OP adopted two without consulting their husband. And it’s weird when they describe one of kids as “maternal” and praise the other for getting along with your daughter.
"OP is trying to get validation off the internet by trying to pose this as 'AITA for helping two kids in need' when really they really took in two children from troubled backgrounds because you want help taking care of your daughter. Those kids have already gone through a traumatic experience, you can’t bring them into your house without talking to your husband and then subject them to his rejection. Then act like you’re the hero for trying to save two kids in need when you just wanted help dealing with your kid."
Some also believe she's expecting the two girls to help parent her daughter.
Several people pointed out that it seems like the woman is hoping the two girls will help her raise her daughter.
"She talks at length about how caring for Erin is extremely hard," commented one person. "Then she lists the new girls' positive qualities, all in relation to Erin and her needs."
You'd think two more children would be a great worry for someone who describes her home life as extremely hard, but no, the two girls were "sent by heaven."
In other words, they're expected to be of help, especially the elder 'maternal' girl. The younger girl "although young" is 'already fascinated by Erin' and 'accepting of her needs.'"
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