A few weeks ago, a man shared to Reddit that his mother-in-law and father-in-law had secretly baptized his young son without his permission. The man explained that he and his wife went out of town to celebrate their anniversary and left their toddler with his grandparents, who then took him to church and had him baptized in front of everyone to save his "soul from the devil."
The man was understandably upset, and he posted on Reddit seeking advice about how he should navigate the future. While plenty of people had a lot of tips and possible solutions to offer, some were confused: Was it possible that the man's wife was in on the plan?
As horrible as that possibility might sound, the man has now given an update, and it turns out that's exactly what happened. He asked his wife point blank if she knew about the plan, and she confirmed that she did.
"Turns out some of you were right, my wife was in on it. I confronted her a couple days after I posted and directly asked her if she knew that her parents planned this. She broke down and confessed everything to me."
He also says the plan came together after the health crisis forced most people to start spending a lot more time at home.
"MIL had been pestering her about baptizing our son nonstop and my wife finally caved. My wife has been working from home during covid while my job requires me to go into the office. My wife and MIL started doing zoom meetings with MIL's priest to start the baptism process. They lied to the priest and told him that I was ok with baptizing our son but didn't want to be involved. The priest allowed it and they started doing online baptism classes while I was at work."
What's even worse is that it turns out the entire thing was part of the plan, even the anniversary trip.
"My wife admitted that she planned it around our anniversary getaway and that MIL had somehow convinced the priest that her and FIL would be the only ones in attendance. My wife told me that I wasn't supposed to find out, but MIL couldn't keep her mouth shut for even one day about it. Their intention was to keep this from me permanently."
It's actually against church law to baptize someone secretly, and the man was armed with this information. So he contacted the priest who conducted the baptism.
"I did contact the church to let them know the truth. I talked with the priest and he was surprisingly helpful. He said he would take the proper steps to make sure MIL is no longer welcome in their church and to reach out to the local parish to see what further steps need to be taken. I have yet to hear back from them on that. My wife and MIL are mad that I got her kicked out of her church, but I don't care what they think or feel anymore."
While it might seem that the man is at fault for contacting the priest, who removed his mother-in-law from the church, she willfully acted in violation of the church's laws. Also, she intentionally violated the trust that her son-in-law had.
"These people who I love and trust had betrayed me and I felt a range emotions I didn't know existed. My wife begged for forgiveness, but the fact that she didn't come clean on her own makes me feel she would have kept this from me unless I confronted her. She's willing to do therapy, counseling, whatever it takes. I don't know if I want to put in that work, I feel like there's no coming back from this."
It's probably not a surprise that the man has also contacted a divorce lawyer, though he hasn't made a decision yet.
"I contacted a divorce lawyer and started discussing what a divorce would look like and if there is any way I can add provisions to a divorce agreement that would keep my inlaws from seeing my son unsupervised. He's been very helpful but I have not given him the go-ahead to actually file for divorce yet. I feel I am still too angry about the entire thing to think rationally and want to give myself time to fully grasp what a divorce will mean for me and my family."
He also credits Reddit with helping him navigate what has truly been a jarring and troubling experience.
"My wife and I aren't talking much. I pretty much go to work, come home to play with my son, go to bed, and repeat. I don't know what the future is going to bring, but I do know that without the support and help from people here, I don't think I would have the clarity I do now."
Commenters were immediately sympathetic to what the man has gone through. They also pointed out that he's not the one who had his mother-in-law removed from her church — the priest did.
"You did not get MIL kicked out. The priest – a.k.a. the person with more incentive to be concerned about your child's spiritual well-being than your feelings than anyone else in this situation – looked at the matter objectively and went, 'This is not what God wants, and our community doesn't want it, either.' The fact that this hasn't prompted a similar 'wow, we really were out of line, weren't we?' realization from your wife is…not encouraging, to say the least."
While many people were quick to say that the man should definitely divorce his wife, others encouraged him to examine the relationship between his wife and her mother and to see if there's any way to make it better.
"I know you are angry at your wife's actions, but I think the anger should maybe be directed at how her mother has used religion to make your wife afraid/weaker, probably for her whole life. If, in counseling, your wife is able to realize these patterns and wants to break free, it could be a really beautiful new phase of your marriage and you could support her as she develops more of her own identity outside of her mom. This is just a guess; you understand her better than I do."
Still, the actions of his wife and her family raise a lot of questions about what else his wife might be willing to cover up.
"Parenting is a joint effort. The parents both need to be on board for their kid's religious involvement, one parent can't just arbitrarily decide that their kid is going to be x religion and just totally disregard what the other parent wants. I would personally be worried about what other stuff your wife and your in-laws were going to do that is against your wishes and hide from you, if it were me."
It's clear that the man is still in a really unfortunate spot that will probably take years to fully untangle and understand. In that vein, one person offered up a tip for how to begin to process this entire experience:
"Sometimes when I'm angry with a person I'll write down everything I'm feeling in a letter to them I don't usually send it but getting it all out onto a page really helps me collect my thoughts and put into words the emotions inside me. Maybe that could help you focus your emotions."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
