The ongoing health crisis has created all kinds of problems for people around the world. A lot of these problems are high-level, scary stuff: families aren't able to see one another, and many of us are worried about our loved ones. Expectant parents have also been forced to change the way they plan to give birth to their children, and a lot of people have been told that if they're delivering at a hospital, only one other adult can be in the room.
For many people, this means they're having to choose between their partner and another close friend or relative. This was the case for one man, Jake, who recently shared with his male friends that his wife chose to have her mother in the delivery room instead of him.
One of the friends shared the whole situation on Reddit. Jake was out with his friends when he asked them if he really missed out by not being in the delivery room when his child was born. Unfortunately for him, everyone at the table agreed that he definitely had.
The friend begins by setting the stage:
"My wife (31F) and Amy(32F) are bestfriends for about 15 years, about two months ago Amy gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Me(34M) and my wife have 4 children (3F,4F,4M,6F) so we have been helping Amy and her husband Jake(29M) because we know how hard and stressful the first few months with a newborn can be (specifically because they are first-time parents)."
"My wife planned a girls night at our house and invited her friends (she does that once a month), when my wife hosts those nights at our place I usually go out with some of my friends to a nearby bar," he explained.
“Amy and Jake moved to our city around 1 year ago because Amy wanted to stay close to her parents and she had a better job opportunity in our town, since they moved here Jake has no family or friends nearby (except me) so I decided to invite him to come with my other friends to the bar, Jake is very shy and reserved he doesn’t talk a lot but he is a great guy.”
The conversation turned to what it was like for each of the men to experience the births of their children, and that's when everyone found out that Jake didn't have that chance.
"When we arrived at the bar I tried to push Jake a little to interact with the other guys but his answers were always short and simple and then I told the rest of the guys that Jake was a first-time father and that his daughter was born a two months ago."
He continues: "Finally a conversation that Jake seemed to engage (the other guys in my friend group are a bit older than me so most of then are parents) and things were going pretty well until a friend told us that the first time he thought 'holy [expletive] I am a dad' was when he cut the cord after his wife gave birth."
"After hearing this Jake went a bit silent and said that he wasn't present at the delivery room when his wife gave birth. Then he asked us 'if was that big of a deal' and 'if he missed a lot not being there.' Well, the consensus on the table was that being able to watch our children being delivered to this world is one of the most important moments in the life of a father and that yes, he has missed a HUGE THING and that he lost one of hugest milestones in a marriage. After that Jake went a bit quiet and left shortly after."
It turns out that Jake went home and told Amy everything the men had spoken about … and now, his marriage is in shambles.
"Two days later Jake asks me if he can stay with me for a few days because he needed a bit of space from Amy. Amy called my wife crying and she went to her house to talk with her a bit after that Jake arrived at our home and that's when he told me that he wanted to be in the delivery room but with [virus] restrictions only one person was allowed and Amy choose her mom. Apparently, he tried to argue with her but she was adamant and in the end, he was not allowed in the birth room. Jake told Amy what he heard at the bar, they got into a big fight and currently Jake is considering a divorce."
Now … just about everyone involved is pretty mad at the guy.
"Needless to say that Amy is furious at me and my wife is currently giving me the silent treatment, she said that I probably ended their marriage. I feel really bad with this whole thing especially with a baby in the middle."
The question of who is and isn't allowed into the delivery room these days is one that often produces a lot of emotions. For starters, a lot of people have had to deliver their babies completely alone. In these cases, couples are encouraged to bring a tablet or some kind of device so the partner can at least witness the birth that way.
In this case, the first thing a lot of people addressed is the divorce itself. To many commenters, if this was discussion was enough to send the couple to the brink of divorce, they may not have had that strong of a marriage in the first place.
As one person put it, this is really the main point: "Yeah, I think this is the main point here – OP ultimately wasn't anywhere near causing the divorce there, maybe just helping with the final straw."
Many commenters also agreed that ultimately, the person giving birth should be the one who decides who is and isn't allowed into the room. It's unfortunate for Jake that his wife felt like her mom was the better choice, but that's who she really needed during an experience that can be scary and hard.
"It's not like his wife didn't want him there but with restrictions, she was only allowed one person. Many women like having their mother there since she gave birth to them (so has actually experienced it before) and makes them feel taken care of and nurtured."
The same person also made another point worth considering: Jake decided to leave his wife and 2-month-old due to this conversation.
"That said, Jake threatening to leave his wife and baby over her wanting her mother when she was scared about doing something he literally can't understand what is like seems pretty bad," the commenter wrote. "You know what's also important in being a father? Not running off when your baby is a two-month-old. Even just leaving to stay at someone else's house for a few days means the wife is taking care of the baby alone for a few days while he gets a break. How fair?"
So the consensus seems to be that the guy isn't the problem for "causing" the divorce between Jake and Amy … but everyone at the table should have chilled out a bit.
"You and your friends were kind of tactless by continuing to gush about how much he missed out on after you realized he hadn't been there. Guys have successfully fathered for generations without being there at the birth, although I fully support them being there when it's okay with the mother."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
