Hi, my name is Stephanie, and my teen son is a gamer.
I'm not surprised that he's this obsessed with video gamesI get it.
But when it comes to what my kid wants for the holidays this year, I've been a little aghast: It's just money, y'all. More specifically, it's money in the form of video game gift cards, video game credits, video games video games video gaaaames.
I like my kid's obsession with video games. It's something that everyone in our home enjoys, though I'll admit that my teen skews more toward video games that are sometimes a little more on the war/bloody side than I'd like, but he has a reasonably healthy relationship with his Xbox, so I don't stress it (too much).
It's just that when it comes to the holidays and finding gifts for my son, I've always really loved the process of getting him a combination of things he desperately wants and a few surprises that I know he will love but might not have thought of. Few things are as special to me as seeing my kid's face light up for any reason, and that's especially true during the holiday season.
I don't mind buying him video game gift cards or just flat-out depositing money into his account that I know he'll use for the games, and I know that waking up and seeing a certain dollar amount Christmas morning or one night of Hanukkah (we do it all) will make his face light up the same way getting an action figure or cute stuffed animal used to when he was young. So what, exactly, is my problem with it?
It's not about the moral quandary that surrounds money or feeling like gifting him cash is materialistic or somehow morally inferior, because I love shopping and have no problem with cash gifts. I think it's fun to spend on ourselves and on others, especially when we know doing so will bring us or others a lot of joy. (You should see my sneaker collection! It's getting cute.)
It's also not that I don't trust his judgment in video games, because he's really up front about what he plays (and also doesn't have the console in his bedroom, so everyone in our home is aware of what's being played). In fact, I like a lot of the games that he has, and I know he'll likely keep buying games that are fun for everyone.
When I started to get real honest with myself, I realized that for some reason, to me, it feels a little less magical to just give my kid money or a gift card and be done with it. When I was thinking about it, I told myself that growing up, money gifts and gift cards were what family members who didn't know me very well got me … right?
That's true, but not all the way, because after that thought I remembered the year when I got a bunch of Books-A-Million gift cards and was able to go buy nearly every Black Stallion book in the series. I was thrilled with those cash and gift card gifts that year. They were perfect, and I remember feeling like I was understood.
So maybe my issue is that when it comes to my kid, I'm still learning to let go.
As parents, a lot of us are always parenting under the realization that we really only get so much time with our children while they're still children. Of course, this means that hopefully, we will get to enjoy our children as adults for decades — but as adults, we also know that our adult kids will be living their own lives and won't be around us as often or in the same way as they are as children. It's tough.
I'm the first to admit that realizations like this can make me anxious; I'm always wondering if I'm making the wrong choices or messing it up when it comes to my kid. On some level, I think wanting to buy him surprise presents and wishing he had a big long list like he used to is really me wanting to hold onto those moments of childhood that can feel like they're running through my fingers.
So this year I made a deal with myself: I'll give him the cash he wants, but I'll also get him a few surprises just because (and some of those will even be video game themed). His face might not light up in quite the same way, but he'll be happy, and hopefully he'll feel seen and understood. And when it comes to teens, I think that, friends, is really what it's all about.
