Sometimes, it seems like nothing brings out the family drama like asking everyone to take photos together. This is certainly true for one mom, who shared on Reddit that she feels like she's always excluded from family photos by her husband's grandmother, and it's really starting to hurt her feelings.
One the surface, it's easy to feel sorry for the mom. After all, being left out definitely has to sting, especially since she and her husband have been together for 15 years and married for seven. But once you read a little deeper, it becomes clear that the woman isn't giving a fair account of what's really going on.
It turns out the man's grandmother isn't leaving her out entirely, she just also always wants photos of just her biological grandchildren … which doesn't include the woman. However, the mom now has a new weapon in her quest to be in every family photo: her baby.
This has been an issue twice.
The woman writes about the first time she was left out of family photos:
"We have had two instances where I have been excluded from family photos. The first time was when we were engaged and my husband's grandmother (~73F) wanted to take photos of everyone for the holidays. When I situated myself next to my then fiancé she said 'let's take some photos of the biological family first.'"
The woman took this really personally.
She did end up in some of the photos, but she says they aren't very good:
"What followed was 30 minutes of different arrangements of family members while I sat off to the side because I was the only non biological grandchild there. They took iterations that included spouses of aunts and uncles. They took a few photos with me at the end, but everyone was exhausted so they didn't come out good. The photos that are on display at the Grandmother's house are the photos without me in them."
Her husband said it wouldn't happen once they were married.
"When I expressed my frustration to my husband he explained that his family wanted to ensure they got some sets of the 'real family' first (his words). I explained how hurt I was to be excluded and he said that it would not be an issue again because we were going to be married. I took this as a sufficient answer and dropped it."
But ... then it happened again.
In 2019, the whole thing happened again, but this time they were married:
"My husband and I had been married for 5 years and were trying to conceive. We went on a trip with the whole family. They set up a 'legacy photo shoot'. I brought up my fears of a repeat of last time to my husband but he assured me that things were different now. We were married, we were trying to start a family, I was a member of the family."
She says they did include her in some photos.
"We took a bunch of photos and I was included in the applicable groups. They took the classic arrangements: Grandparents with Grandkids, Grandparents with Aunts/Uncles and Grandkids, Grandparents with only their birthed children (aunt/uncle generation), but no iterations where the spouses were left out if their kids were involved."
But the grandmother wanted some with just the grandkids.
But then the grandmother asked for photos with just the grandchildren, and the woman had an emotional reaction:
"When grandma checked the photos, she said 'let's try a few with just the biological grandkids'. I began tearing up and said, 'you mean without me?' My husband pulled me aside and explained that it was only going to be for a few pictures and asked me why I was ruining the photo shoot that was going so well. After arguing for a few minutes, I conceded and walked away."
Now they have a baby, and the mom is using him as a bartering chip.
Now that the woman and her husband have had a child, she's decided the baby is a new weapon of sorts. If she's not in a photo, he won't be, either:
"Since then his grandmother has displayed photos from that trip and I am in none of them. Also since then my husband and I have had a son (<1M). I have told my husband that in the future we will have two choices; either he tells his family that I am staying in all of the pictures, or I leave and my son is also not in them either. My husband says that this is unfair and causes him to have an uncomfortable conversation with his grandmother."
Now it's time for Reddit to decide who is in the wrong.
"[Am I the problem] for not allow[ing] my son to be in a family photo that I am obviously not welcome in?"
If she thought readers would be sympathetic, she was probably surprised.
It seems that commenters tried to be gentle with the woman, but many people don't understand why she's so upset. As one commenter said:
"They were taking photos of the biological grandkids. You are not a biological grandkid. I'm sure that when they take pictures of the first great grandkids you will be in the 'applicable pictures' as you already have been. You are attempting to assert yourself into a position you don't hold."
But ... wait a second.
When people started piling on, the woman updated the post to include a bombshell: The grandmother has photos from her wedding hanging up … but none of them include her, the bride:
"There are no pictures of me in her house. She has three photos from our wedding day displayed: one with her and her husband, one with my husband and his siblings, and one with my husband and his grandparents. I do like the idea of giving her a framed picture of me, my husband, and my son though- I think I will give that a try and see what the response is."
Yep, that's right. The grandmother doesn't have *any* photos of the woman in her house.
Lots of people agreed at first, but upon a reread of the story with the update, people started considering other aspects. One commenter noted:
"This was my opinion, but then I looked at her reply to a comment and I'm not sure what to think. Even with the pictures the grandmother has on display of OP [the original poster] and husband's wedding, OP isn't in them. It's pictures of husband and siblings and husband and parents. Displaying someone's wedding photos but making sure the bride isn't in any of them seems like a pretty intentional snub."
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