It’s not easy being the new kid on the block — or at school. The transition can cause a lot of anxiety around making new friends, establishing new routines, and following new rules. Parents can help prepare their kids, guide them, and participate along the way, according to Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, psychiatrist, and chief medical officer at LifeStance Health.
For those parents preparing to move their child to a new school, Dr. Patel-Dunn says, “I’d encourage parents to start the conversation early and openly ask their child how they feel about starting at a new school." She adds, "You can also ask them how you as a parent can help during this transition. Every child will react differently to this type of transition, and the best way to tailor your approach in a way that's going to be most beneficial is to work closely with your child to understand what they need. Feel free to ask your child open-ended questions, including, ‘It’s normal to have a range of emotions when starting a new school. Sometimes, you might even feel nervous and excited at the same time. Are you feeling nervous about anything?’”
The younger your child, the easier the transition may be. “As kids get older and establish stronger friendships and social bonds, moving tends to be more challenging,” Dr. Patel-Dunn says.
To help kids cope with the anxiety of starting a new school, Dr. Patel-Dunn notes, “It can be beneficial to carve out special time for family bonding and quality time ahead of this transition, so they have more opportunities to connect with you about any challenging emotions they may be experiencing.”
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Parents might even feel the same stressors, so it might be helpful to get involved as much as possible. For example, visiting the school or joining the PTA social networking pages. “Anything you can do to help the first day of school feel less ‘new’ and overwhelming is a great tactic,” Dr. Patel-Dunn says. “If the school your child will be attending offers tours, opportunities to connect with other families, etc., I strongly recommend taking advantage.”
Getting out and about in your neighborhood and community programs will also help ease the transition. “I recommend taking advantage of any opportunities to meet other families from your school so your child can go in to their first day already knowing some familiar faces,” Dr. Patel-Dunn says.
One of the biggest worries for kids starting a new school may revolve around lunch time. Where to sit and who to play with are top concerns for many kids, but especially new ones. “Practice role-playing these types of scenarios in a low-stress environment prior to starting school so your child can start to build their confidence and feel more prepared going into these situations,” Dr. Patel-Dunn says.
It might not be easy, especially if your child is not welcomed or encounters bullies. “Being excluded is a form of bullying, and it’s important to help your child understand how they can stand up for themselves,” Dr. Patel-Dunn says. “Situations like this may require getting a teacher or counselor involved. It’s also an opportunity to have an honest conversation with your child about the qualities of a good friend — do they really want to spend time with someone who treats others poorly?”
Dr. Patel-Dunn further elaborates, “Being excluded can have a very profound impact on children and may contribute to increased feelings of depression, anxiety and loneliness. It’s important for your child to know that if they are experiencing these types of challenges at school, they can always come to you for guidance and support.”
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 9.4% of American children ages 3 to 17, or around 5.8 million children, had anxiety from 2016 to 2019 and 4.4%, around 2.7 million children, had depression. The CDC states that nearly 8 in 10 children who have depression receive treatment for it and around 6 in 10 children with anxiety receive treatment.
“If you notice any behaviors that are out of the ordinary for your child, that can be a sign that something deeper is going on,” Dr. Patel-Dunn says. “This can look like wanting to skip school repeatedly; low self-esteem; or changes in mood, appetite, and sleep habits.”
If this happens, Dr. Patel-Dunn advises, “I do recommend bringing in teachers and counselors at your child’s school to ensure that your child has a strong support system during the school day.”
Participating in school culture can also help your child. “Getting involved with sports, clubs, or other extracurricular activities can be a great way to connect with other children who have common interests and hobbies, which is a great starting point to build new friendships,” Dr. Patel-Dunn says.
And if your college-aged son or daughter is going to be the new kid on campus, Dr. Patel-Dunn has a few tips. “The transition to college and living away from home is a huge adjustment, but it’s important to remember that your child is not alone — every other student in their class is going through this exact same experience. Spend time ahead of their big move talking about concerns or fears they may have and partner with them on healthy coping techniques they can leverage if challenging situations arise. The transition won’t be perfect, but remind them they’re not alone, and they have a strong support system both at home and at school to guide them through this.”
