A lot of couples get stressed out while planning their weddings, and unfortunately, their own family members can be a huge source of that stress.
One bride-to-be recently took to Reddit to explain that she is in exactly that predicament: "I, 24F and fiance 25M are supposed to get married in a little over a week. Long story short, this wedding was full of various family members telling us what we can and cannot do so it got to the point where neither of us felt this was truly our wedding anymore."
The couple started to get excited about their wedding, but then family messed it up again.
The wedding is pretty soon, and she writes that they were starting to look forward to it again:
"As the days have gotten closer, we got more and more excited for our wedding, even if it's not exactly how we planned. That all changed this week. We have had several family members call to ask who they're sitting with, just to complain that that is not what they want."
Their family members are making a LOT of demands.
"Family members feuding with each other.. Several guests told us they were bringing an extra person past our RSVP timeline and proceeded to be upset when we tell them their guest may not have a meal for dinner (but we have snacks and desserts). Lastly, the icing on the cake was when my sister (bridesmaid) and her husband (groomsman) informed us they would be bringing their toddler to our wedding party photos, which is supposed to only be bridesmaids, groomsmen, and us."
Her sister is being particularly difficult.
"We kindly informed them that this is a time for the bridal party to have fun with each other and that our photography schedule has 0 room for distractions or delays and suggested my mom watch him for the short time we'll be taking pictures. We also made sure to let them know that there will be family photos later on and he will be in those. They then proceeded to tell us we don't love our nephew, we're purposefully excluding him, and that he should be allowed to be with them the entire day."
So they came up with a new plan.
The pair hit a wall and had another idea: What if they get married in secret the day before?
"Among all things, this was our breaking point. We now want to do a private secret ceremony the day before the wedding with only mine and my fiance's best friend as witnesses. We figured if we already were married, we wouldn't have to stress on the day of our wedding about all the drama surrounding us."
But then she told a family member ... who got upset.
Unfortunately, the bride asked a family member what they thought about the idea, and it didn't go well:
"We brought the idea up to a close family member and they said it was horrible because then we're basically lying to everyone who attends our 'real' Wedding and that it'll hurt our family members' feelings. We feel we've compromised enough that we deserve this."
People are supporting the couple.
Lots of people completely understand why the couple would do this, and they even offered advice for dealing with the family after.
As one commenter said: "Tell the guests that you appreciate them attending but because of all of the interference and squabbling, you had a private ceremony and will see them after the honeymoon."
"You do you. Your wedding, your rules."
One person said they did the same thing.
"My husband and I did this.
"My family paid 100% for the wedding, and we always knew it was going to be their party just as much as our wedding. So we got married at the court house a month before the actual wedding.
"It made the wedding so much more fun because instead of being about us, I was able to turn it into 'lets celebrate our guests who love us enough to be here.' I felt like so much pressure and focus was lifted off me."
In fact, quite a few people did the same thing!
"Due to scheduling issues, we ended up having our honeymoon a week before the wedding and we got married in secret there. It was a GREAT idea," said another commenter.
"We realized pretty quickly into the wedding planning with our well-meaning, but overbearing, families that the wedding was not going to be about us. It was really just a big party that we were throwing for the people we loved. When we changed the focus, everything became easier and all the stress melted away. And, everyone had a great time!"
In the end, people should get to get married how they want to.
Another person also offered their support: "my husband and I eloped to Hawaii and got married. It was the best decision we ever made and we have no regrets. Get married your way."
The bride-to-be circled back with an update.
"First off, thank you all, made me feel much better about our decision. We're okay if the secret ceremony gets out eventually, just as long as it comes out after the wedding day. As much as it's been tempting, we can't will ourself to cancel the wedding itself knowing that basically every single family member is flying in from out of town. If we could go back and do everything different and put our foot down, we would. Moral of the story, don't be people pleasers like us!"
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