One decision a lot of new parents face is figuring out how they plan to feed their child once the little one arrives. For some parents, this means breastfeeding/chestfeeding, either physically with their bodies or with donor milk. For others, it means using formula exclusively or in combination with breast milk.
The decision is often made after considering a ton of factors, which include the comfort of the person who is doing the feeding and what works best for the family. So that's why there's no right way to feed a baby as long as the baby is being fed … right?
One woman recently took to Reddit to share a story on exactly this topic. She and her husband recently welcomed their first child together, and they are not seeing eye to eye when it comes to how that child is fed.
The mom explains that she's decided to not breastfeed their child.
"[A] few months ago, we were discussing breastfeeding and he said breastfeeding should be our go to method to provide our son with all the nutrition he needs," she wrote. "Given my medical history, breastfeeding was possible but we couldn't know for sure til I tried it. And it hurt like h—, absolute h—. Everytime I tried to breastfeed I'd experience pain and discomfort. I tried following different ways to make it easier for me but I still got unpleasent feeling. I decided to switch to formula."
But her husband pushed back.
"My husband thought I made a hasty decision by going with formula. He's done a lot of research on the benefits of breastfeeding and said that not getting breastfed would affect our son's health and impact his growth and set him up for health issues in the future. I explained my reasons but he kept bringing it up all the time."
He says she gave up too soon.
"Last night he brought it up again after he kept giving me uncomfortable looks in bed when I was feeding our son formula. I asked him why he was staring at me like that and he went on about the decision I made to use formula. He said he thought I chose formula way too soon and didn't try hard enough to keep breast feed and as a result I've 'given up' on an opportunity to bond with our son."
She accused him of not caring about her comfort.
"I was getting annoyed because it seemed like he keeps forgetting why I chose formula but his response was that whatever discomfert I was experiencing, I was being selfish thinking about stuff short term and not realizing how lack of breastfeeding could affect our son in the future. Basically saying I chose my comfort over our son's health."
So she put her foot down.
"I lost my temper and in the meanest way, told him that nomatter how much he reads online about this subject, I'm the one going through this experience and the pain and discomfort. And said that he should respect my choice to use formula and stop acting like this decision was made out lack of care or consideration for our son. And if he's worried formula is expensive then it is what it is because If I can't be healthy then our son can't either."
He did not have a great response.
"He argued saying 'I'm sorry you got all mad because I was just stating a fact. But I think that as a parent I'm allowed to at least express my thoughts and concerns about what's been going on' I replied that it didn't seem like he was sharing his opinion but more like guiltripping, since he does this on the regular."
He said he's disappointed, and now she feels bad.
"He said 'That's not true and you know it! I'm not even mad or anything I'm just disappointed that you chose this route, that's all.' This set the tone for the rest of the night. He got out of bed, grabbed his phone and walked out. I felt genuinely bad because the way I look at it, He was just expressing his thoughts and I was so fast to shut him down and treat him as if he isn't the parent and gets equal say."
People were quick to assure her that she's not the issue.
As one person noted, fed is the best, period.
"If breastmilk is so very important to him, there are medical interventions that he can undergo to stimulate his own lactation so that he can breastfeed," one commenter noted. "It would be selfish of him not to, really, seeing as this is painful and damaging to you and you’ve already used your body to grow and birth this baby."
Others reassured the woman her baby will be fine if she doesn't breastfeed.
"When I (26) was newborn, I started getting violently ill after my mom would breastfeed me," another commenter wrote. "It turned out that I'd been born lactose intolerant and would not be able to keep my mother's milk down. Immediately my pediatrician and lactation consultant told her to switch me to a lactose-free formula. Low and behold, I did not have any kind of health, developmental, or growth issues. In fact, out of my siblings, I got sick the LEAST often. As far as I know, there were never any issues bonding with my mom–I love her to death and am SO THANKFUL she made the best decision for me to make sure I was FED AND HAPPY."
For a lot of people, his behavior is really not OK.
"He’s guilt-tripping you and as much as he has a right as a parent to be included in decisions of the baby he does not have a right to tell you what you should do with your body," one Redditor commented. "No one does except you and You not breastfeeding because it causes you pain is a great reason but you know what else is a good reason? You simply don’t want to."
One person put it this way:
"Until he latches a baby to his own cracked and bleeding nipple 8-2765 times a day he doesn’t get a say in feeding."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
