Coming out is a highly personal decision. No one should make that choice for another person, especially someone in a position of authority, such as a therapist. This is what happened to one teenager and his dad was justifiably angry.
This dad was concerned about his son, so decided to check in with his therapist. It was then the therapist told the dad his son is gay. His dad became angry at the therapist for taking away his son’s autonomy and ability to communicate his truth on his own timeline. He took to Reddit to see if he was being unreasonable.
Therapy was working for his son.
This dad only wants what is best for his son. He has been trying to help him through a bumpy patch of life. “My son 'Cordon' (15M) is a wrestler and struggles with being bipolar and bulimic,” he explained. “He's been in therapy since last year after me an his mom started getting a divorce and he wasn't taking it well. Things got so bad that he had to quit wrestling for a bit after his coach caught him throwing up in the bathroom. So far Cordon seemed to be doing better and is on meds that seem to work for him. He even started wrestling again this year.”
The dad was concerned.
Things were going well until the dad started noticing some concerning signs. He decided to talk to the therapist about it to check in.
“His mom got engaged to the man she had an affair with last month and since then Cordon seems to be slipping again,” he continued. “I'm pretty sure I've heard him making himself sick and he's been in a bit of a funk after he quit talking to one of his teammates. After one of his therapy appointments I asked his therapist about my concerns and what I could do to help more if I felt cordon was sinking again. He kinda slyly told me and my ex that maybe he might be scared of coming out us and he had a bad break up. Luckily Cordon was waiting out in the car and didn't hear that.”
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The dad lost it.
The dad and his ex, Cordon’s mom, had a different reaction to the situation. “I was furious not because my son is gay ,but because he didn't get to tell me himself. I cussed his therapist out on the spot and told him how unethical it was to tell me what he and Cordon had talked about and outing a teenager. I threatened to report after he kept saying he was trying to help us out. Later my ex tells me she thinks I overreacted and that maybe it would be a good thing to be in the know without Cordon knowing,” the dad concluded. He wants to know if his actions were wrong.
This therapist did not know how the parents would react.
Some Redditors pointed out this breach of confidentiality could have put Cordon in danger.
“Even if everything the child has told you about their parents makes it seem like they are openminded, tolerant people who will accept a queer kid, you are still taking a gamble,” mused one user. “A lot of otherwise tolerant-seeming people can reveal all sorts of latent bigotry when confronted with their own child being queer. Occasionally, even the kid themselves is blindsided by it.”
What's going to happen next?
Many on the site also made suggestions about what the dad should do next. Many thought that the therapist should be reported.
The question remains: What does he tell his son? Does he pretend he does not know or tell him the truth and have him potentially hate the therapy process, which has been working? There are no easy answers.
He is a good dad.
This dad finds himself in a tricky situation but Reddit has his back. They praised his parenting and concern for his son. They offered good advice and now it is up to him to make the right decisions for his son’s well-being.
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