By now, we should be able to agree on the fact that no two marriages look alike. What works for some people plainly does not work for others.
Yet there's still a lot of judgment for people who live by rules that seem unconventional. One woman took to Reddit to explain that her situation seems to confound people for being too conventional.
As the woman explained, her marriage is "traditional" in the sense that her husband is the breadwinner and she is the homemaker. When she explains to people that this is what they decided on and what works for them, most people balk, believing her husband is somehow getting one over on her. It was one such confrontation that led her to clapback, which sent shockwaves through an event at her home.
The original poster gave a little background on how her marriage works.
OP began by explaining her situation. "I (28F) have been married to my husband 'Harold' (29M) for the past 5 years," she wrote.
"Harold and I have what most people would refer to as a 'traditional marriage.' He's the Breadwinner and I'm the Homemaker, so all the responsibilities in the home are my job, and all the responsibilities outside the home are his job. Harold and I agreed to pursue this type of lifestyle, and it benefits us both equally."
A lot of people don't believe this.
OP explains that her once-typical marriage now draws some raised eyebrows. "Unfortunately, we've had our share of judgement and harsh opinions from people that simply don't understand our marriage," OP explained.
"We've had a few friends and family members tell us that Harold is forcing this life on me, I'm wasting my 'best years,' etc. I try my best to explain to people that our marriage dynamic is consensual and it's what makes us happy. It also doesn't make it any easier that I'm the only woman in my friend group that doesn't work outside the home."
OP hosted a harmless get-together with friends, or so she thought.
"Yesterday, I had a girls get together with all my friends (8 of us in total)," she explained.
"A friend of mine asked if she could invite one of her coworkers, 'Nina' (32F). My friend told me that Nina recently went through a messy divorce and that she could use some girl time."
OP didn't have a problem with an extra guest, and it was all smooth sailing at first.
What's the harm in an extra person, after all?
"I've never met Nina, but I didn't see any problem with inviting her. Nina comes over, she introduces herself, and everything was going smoothly," she shared.
"A couple hours into the visit, Nina asked me what I do for work. I told her that I didn't have a conventional job and that I'm a Homemaker."
Her guest was perplexed by her arrangement.
Nina couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Nina gave me a confused look, which I'm very used to at this point," OP continued.
"She then asked, 'Why would you wanna be cooped up in here all day?' I told her that my Husband and I are happy just having a more traditional marriage."
"She rolled her eyes and said, 'Oh…right. It's what you and your Husband wanted.'"
That set OP off.
OP was tired of hearing the challenges to her marriage, so she challenged back.
"I asked her what she meant by that, and she said, 'No woman who was born after the 40's actually wants a traditional marriage,'" OP revealed.
"'Their Husband's just convince them to want it.'"
OP tried putting her guest in her place.
"I then said that her comments were a bit rude, generalizing, and belittling. She kept giving me judgey side glances and clearly wasn't taking me seriously," OP noted.
"The last straw was when I overheard her tell one of my friends, 'Well, at least OP doesn't have kids, especially daughters. I just cant imagine them living a life like this.'"
OP unleashed on Nina, and she wasn't sorry.
OP admits she let her anger lead her words, but she didn't feel all that bad about it.
"I was [expletive] off and said, 'You're right Nina, this isn't a happy life to live,'" OP shared.
"'When I need tips on how to become a depressed divorcee at 32, I'll give you a call.'"
People immediately had mixed reactions.
"Everyone heard it, the room went dead silent, Nina then started crying and left," OP shared.
"A couple of my friends left and called me a [expletive] for stooping so low. A couple of my other friends stayed and said that Nina deserved it after being so rude to me first. I spoke to Harold about what happened, and he's on the fence about the whole thing."
Some people thought OP was 100% entitled to lash out.
A lot of people thought Nina had it coming, especially since OP tried to dismiss her politely the first time she was overstepping.
"Who even has the audacity to come into someone else's home at an event they were not actually invited to and belittle the life choices of someone they've only just met?" one commenter posed.
"Misery loves company and she’s clearly trying to make herself feel better by ragging on you."
Others felt she could have been nicer about it.
"You were (somewhat justified) for throwing her divorce in her face," another commenter noted. "Did she 'deserve it?' You could say so. But it was still a low blow, using what little information you had about her current life circumstances to hit her where it hurt most. That was, after all, the very reason she was invited to spend time with you all in the first place."
The commenter added: "Two wrongs don't make a right. You could have told her off and asked her to leave without bringing up her divorce. Was she wrong? Yes. But in the future, please don’t let someone else's poor behavior bring yours down as well."
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