Having good neighbors adds everything to your living situation. It's great knowing you can trust the people who live around you, and if they provide good company, even better. A woman on Reddit explains that she went so far as to help plan neighborhood dinner parties, giving everyone a great chance to bond even further.
But that Redditor is in a tough spot after some issues with one couple. She wrote about it, looking for advice on whether or not she's coming across as being too harsh.
"I (38F) am part of a group of friends in my neighbourhood," she explained. "We take turns hosting dinner parties between our households (5 houses out of 15 in our neighbourhood). One of our group recently moved out because her husband was cheating with his secretary. In the last month he moved her in and is acting as if everything is normal."
This month, she's taking on hosting responsibilities.
Her dinner is going to be especially special, since she'll be hosting a Thanksgiving-type celebration. "I am hosting dinner this month (we're hosting Thanksgiving as none of us are able to see family this year). The husband of my friend, who's back home with her parents [otherwise] she'd be invited, asked my husband, as they're friends, about the plans and assumed he and his mistress would be invited."
Awkwardly, but thankfully, the husband of the original poster (OP) tried to set him straight: "My husband said no and that due to circumstances none of the wives wanted them — both him who betrayed our friend and his girlfriend who was very aware of his wife and kids at home." While it's a tough conversation to make, it was important to have. But that didn't mean that the new girlfriend didn't try hard to score herself an invite.
The girlfriend admitted she was hoping to build strong relationships with the other wives.
"The girlfriend came by to talk to me today," she wrote. "She approached me right as I was getting home from work, so I'm assuming she was waiting for me. She wants to try to mend fences and build friendships with the wives of her boyfriends friends and neighbours, as she's now part of the community."
To her face, OP told her exactly what she thought. It may have been harsh, but in a situation like this, perhaps it was best to be straightforward.
"I'll admit I was exhausted after working a 48hr on call shift and I am very protective of my friends normally," she wrote. "I don't care to be this woman's friend. I simply said to her 'I don't want to be friends with a woman that screws around with married men and your boyfriend stopped being my friend when he destroyed his family and broke my friends heart'. And just walked into my home."
That caused some tension between their husbands.
It was blunt, and it's obvious that the comment was a bit upsetting to hear. "My husband got a call from her boyfriend and he was furious with me for making his girlfriend upset," she said. "My husband really doesn’t like what his friend did either and told him that he doesn't support cheating either and understand that I don't want to continue friendship with him or his girlfriend."
"My friends are split," she admitted. "All my friends that are friends with his soon-to-be-ex wife are 100% with me and most think I should've been harsher with my words. But, other friends keep telling me that she’s not the problem, the husband cheated. And while I agree with that, I also believe that this girl was aware he had a wife and young kids at home and knew that damage this would do."
She doesn't see why she should feel the need to be friends with someone who did what she did.
"No she didn’t take a vow, but personally I think it’s very immoral and it's like backstabbing another woman to get involved with someone that's in a committed relationship," she added. "I don't see why I should be friends. It's not like I'm friends with the whole neighbourhood to start with anyways."
The truth of the matter is, it's her party — and she can invite anyone she wants. While the cheating husband may be upset that friendships have been weakened, that's one of the consequences that he needs to face. When a couple splits, it's hard for friends as well, and it's unbelievable that he thought nothing would change after breaking apart his family.
Other Redditors have fully backed up her decision.
After hearing the story, most other Redditors feel like she's completely in the right. It takes a lot of audacity to immediately assume everyone will be OK with a switch like that.
"OP has no obligation to be friends with or even friendly with the new girlfriend of her neighbour. She doesn't owe anyone her time or friendship," wrote FunkIsHen.
"If I have a dinner party and some random neighbour that just moved in came up and wanted to be invited I'd be weirded out, and in this situation it's more than understandable that OP doesn't want to invite them into her home," they continued. "Did the mistress think she could just take over the wife's life? Get her man, get her home, get her friends? In what universe would that work?"
A lot of people called the cheating neighbor entitled.
It's amazing to think that the neighbor didn't even think that the neighborhood would be loyal to his ex. She, also, formed strong relationships with these people.
"The soon-to-be ex and mistress assuming that you would be okay with the 'replacement' of your friend is naive at best and downright entitled and oblivious most likely," stated wickedpoetess. "You probably could have said it more nicely but most 'normal' people would have expected that response; long shift or not."
Let this be a reminder to all — cheating has consequences. You can't expect your life to pick up the way it did before. Hopefully, this husband learns that his actions affected more than just his marriage. Now he's got to live in a neighborhood where everyone is fully aware of the damage he's caused to their friend and her family.
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