There are a lot of ways to get engaged and, within those ways, a lot of customs that come with the act. For most people, an engagement ring for one or both people involved is usually part of the experience.
One woman recently shared on Reddit that she and her boyfriend are planning to get engaged soon, and she's pretty excited about nearly everything to do with it. In fact, the only thing she isn't excited about is the fact that his mother wants him to propose with her original engagement ring … and the woman isn't into the idea at all.
She wouldn't be the first person who has been given the ring.
One reason the woman doesn't want the ring is that it's already been used in a proposal. Her boyfriend's mom gave it to his brother to use when he proposed to his girlfriend, whom he married and eventually divorced.
"My Future mother in law gave her engagement ring to my bil to propose to sil with 3 years ago," she explains. "It's an important tradition in the family to pass down the ring and since they have no daughters/sisters then the ring went to bil's ex wife."
Once the ring was returned, his mom figured the woman would take it.
"After the separation my bil got the ring back and decided to focus on his kids. now since everyone knows that Adam and I are planning to make our relationship official and pursue marriage which is our goal, His mother suggested he propose with her engagement ring that my bil already proposed with to his now ex as mentioned above."
Her boyfriend loves the idea, but she really doesn't.
"Adam was excited with the idea but I was uncomfortable solely by the fact that this ring was proposed with more than once and also it belonged to my former sil for years and she had memories attached to it," she continues. "I feel like thst ring already had more than one love story and I feel I have the right to wear a ring that represents our relationship and one that belongs to me and Adam."
Her future mother-in-law is not pleased.
"Future mil wasn't happy with my opinipn and invited me to the church where she hangs out most of the time to talk and explained that it's a must for Adam as the youngst to carry the tradition and propose with this ring and it was disrespectful of me to not want it or have an issue with it since it's of high sentimental value."
She tried explaining her point of view.
"I explained why I had an issue with it but she implied I clearly wanted a 'more shiny and expensive one'. After basically shaming & wearing me down for hours about it I flatout told her that is between me and Adam but he agreed with her and said my logic don't make sense and asked if I'd refuse to buy an apartment just because someone else owned it."
Then her boyfriend admitted the real reason he wants her to take the ring.
"But an apartment is different than an engagement which in my opinion…should be a sympol of our love but my statement was met with a 'I don't get it. you really think a ring is more important than us being on the same page and understanding each other? Besides, that's what my mom want and to be completely honest with you here, I'm just trying to keep the peace and stay on her good side which what you should be doing TOO right now instead of already starting an unnecessary drama and setting a bad tone for your relationship with mom.'"
Things escalated pretty fast.
"I asked why he thought his mom's opinion was equal or more important than mine and he got offended and said I was insulting his mom and he won't let me do that next time. He refused to discuss it any further saying this was a ridiculous hill for me to choose to die on and should be honored to be given the opportunity to hold on to something as valuable as his mom's engagement ring."
Some people think her boyfriend is definitely giving her a lot to think about.
One commenter wrote, "His mother will always be more important than you, and he will appease her anytime she starts drama. The fact he is explicitly putting in these terms already shows he knows she will. Is this something you're prepared to deal with for the rest of your life?"
Other people also get it.
Some people have been in similar situations and also rejected rings because of it. "My husband has a family ring that was given to his now ex-wife," said a commenter. "She’s a bit nasty and a cheater, but even if she wasn’t, I could not wear that ring. I personally believe energy attaches to objects, and I didn’t want to carry that around for the rest of my life. He completely agreed, and we’re saving it for my stepson. I think it’ll be special to him, because his mother wore it, and it’s from my husband’s family."
This also started a larger conversation about what role family should have in relationships.
Another person said, "I've never understood why family should have ANY say in someone's relationship. Times change, cultures mix, and you and your partner's happiness should always come before tradition. And yes, you should reconsider marriage to this person if you can't reach agreement."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
