Coworkers often spend a lot of time together, especially if they work in traditional settings. Sometimes, all that time together can make it easy to blur the line between what is acceptable professionally and what isn't. Enter: the concept of a "work wife" or a "work husband."
While some people don't like the idea of their partner having a work spouse of any kind, others are OK with it as long as boundaries are in place. A work spouse should be someone with whom you share a strictly platonic relationship, even though you sometimes help and support one another more than other coworkers.
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The jury's out on whether or not it's really appropriate to have a work spouse, and Forbes notes that in a time when "we're trying to desexualize the workplace, do we really need a cutesy, romantic label for some platonic workplace friendships?"
One man recently posted on Reddit after he found out that his "work wife" was intent on causing problems with his actual wife, and he put a stop to it immediately. However, some of his coworkers think he overreacted.
It seemed OK at first.
The man begins his post on Reddit by noting that he works with a pretty small team, so you get to know everyone:
"I (29m) work in a pretty tight workspace. We have about 9 of us in my department and it's a pretty even split between men and women. There's one coworker 'Eva'(20f) who started working here a few months back. She's really good at her job and seems to get along with everyone."
But then things got a little weird.
Apparently, she started calling herself the man's "work wife" without letting him know:
"We get along well as we work on projects together and are usually in the group of people that are the last to leave most days. I learned some weeks ago that she was calling herself my 'work wife.'"
He doesn't like the term at all.
He explained that while he knows it doesn't have to be a big deal, he doesn't appreciate the term and doesn't consider the two of them to be "work spouses":
"I knew what the term meant, the sentiment wasn't shared and I've expressed as much. I don't think I've been rude about it, I just let her know that I'd prefer for her to keep things a bit more professional. There's no real harm in the term, but for someone who doesn't understand the joke, it just looks and sounds wrong. I'm also a happily married man, and my coworkers including Eva know this."
So he tried to put a stop to it.
He says that he thought everything was cool, so he invited Eva to his baby shower, along with the rest of his coworkers:
"I thought I had done a pretty good job nipping things in the bud after our conversation [I no longer heard the jokes from her] so I didn't think it would be an issue to invite her to my wife's baby shower. My coworkers are all vaccinated (our job helped us get them) and my wife WFH so there wasn't much concern for the sickness that shall not be named."
But Eva had other things in mind.
Unfortunately, Eva kept up the game in the man's home:
"Eva comes in and immediately starts back up with the jokes. 'You're OP's [the original poster's] home wife? Nice to meet you!', 'it's so nice to see who takes care of my hubby when I send him home!' My wife is a very sweet and patient woman so she just laughed it off, albeit uncomfortably and moved on."
But Eva kept kicking it up a notch:
"However the jokes got worse and wouldn't let up. At one point Eva was telling people she would be our baby's second mom. My wife's friends and family were annoyed and my wife looked very uncomfortable."
So he gave her a choice.
He confronted Eva and told her to stop or leave:
"I had pretty much had it by then, and took her aside and told her that the jokes weren't funny and that she could either apologize to my wife right now for being so inconsiderate and gross, or she could just leave. She chose to leave."
His coworkers think he was harsh:
"Word got around to our coworkers what happened and while they agree that she was acting inappropriately, that I should have let her down a little easier, as it was 'obvious she likes you OP.'"
So the guy wanted to know what Reddit thinks. As usual, they had a lot of thoughts for him.
People really didn't like the excuse his coworkers used. One person wrote, "I hate the excuse of 'It's obvious she likes you'. And? That entitles her to what, exactly?"
Some people think this woman has serious problems.
Another person said the guy needs to talk to HR and end his friendship with her immediately:
"She seems obsessed with OP. This attitude can be fatal. It's best to avoid her and keep the distance so she will get the idea and yeah let the HR know about her [inappropriate] behavior.
"P.S. Do not be friends with her again. If she can't respect you or your wife then it's best to stay [away] from her."
Others said they don't really like the idea of work spouses anyway. As one person noted:
"I don't understand the whole 'work wife/husband' thing. I think it's weird and, when someone's ACTUALLY married, I think it's pretty gross and disrespectful. Her behavior, especially since you'd already talked to her about it, is down right appalling."
Another person echoed the idea that the term "work wife" or "work husband" is really problematic: "There are a billion stories that unfold exactly like yours did. I'd argue that there's a TON of harm to be done using this particular term."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
