Managing finances doesn't always come easy, especially when you have a partner and you don't necessarily see eye-to-eye on spending habits and what kinds of things your money should be going toward.
One woman took to Reddit to see if she was in the wrong for not wanting her husband to send money to his parents, who she says are wealthy. He supposedly sends them thousands of dollars a year.
The husband wants to pay his parents back for his upbringing.
"My (29F) husband's (30M) parents are wealthy, and he tries to take whatever chance he can to pay them back for the privileged upbringing they've afforded him. We're talking thousands per year – he tries to pay for their bills, send them $1,000 for every birthday/holiday/etc."
The parents try to refuse.
His parents try to turn down the money, noting that they don't need or even want it. "When we're talking wealthy, we're talking they don't bat an eye at spending hundreds of thousands casually on a new vacation home every few years." But the husband insists and doesn't let them return it. "His privileged upbringing is an insecurity of his since often in modern society, it's seen negatively to have grown up wealthy and being able to take the 'easy street' in life. He wants to say that his successes are self-made."
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The wife tries to get him to stop, but the husband pushes back.
When the woman tries to talk to her husband about not liking him sending his parents money, he calls her selfish and ungrateful for all his parents have done for them. He says it's not giving them money, but actually giving them back the some of the money that the parents have given to their son and daughter-in-law.
The couple get into it.
"I usually let it go at the end of each of each argument. I snapped the other day when he offered to pay their $3,000 credit card bill and confronted him after we got home, saying that he needs to consult with me before gifting his parents such large sums of money. I asked him why he feels the need to be giving money from us, a middle class working couple, to his parents who are in the top 1%. He got defensive and said that anyone and everyone would want to give back to their parents if they could, and because we have the means to, we should."
The money is coming out of the couple's joint assets.
"When I point out that it's HIM they've given money to in the form of paying for his tuition, his car, his food/clothing, etc., he then countered that I can think of it as him alone giving HIS money back to them, even though legally, it's OUR marital assets he's pulling from. He said that it was to my benefit that they paid for his education and a lot of things for him, because when we entered the marriage, he had more assets to bring, while I had less assets since I had to work through my student debt first. So he said it's ungrateful for me to think that the money they've invested into him only benefited him."
The wife stands her ground.
The wife shares that she doesn't think her husband spending so much money on his parents is benefiting anyone. "$5,000-$10,000 per year means a lot to us financially and is a sizable chunk of our annual income, but to his parents, this is couch change. They insist they don't even want his money and seem uncomfortable with him forcing it on them each time."
The woman tries to tell her husband to spend more time with his parents instead.
"I feel like he's only doing this to address his insecurity, but he insists it's not. I keep telling him that his parents want him to pay them back in the form of spending time with them, not in the form of money, but he's stubborn. AITA here? Maybe I don't understand because I am alienated from my parents and thus don't understand how the normal parent/child dynamic should work?"
Reddit users are astounded.
"This is the craziest [expletive] I have ever heard," one user wrote. "Is this real? lol!!!!! Where are you located OP? Is this customary in some way? Is he trying to clench some future inheritance? Yikes. It sounds entirely made up to me. Actual wealthy people would be like invest that couch change son' ya know?"
The wife responded that she and her husband are Chinese American and surrounded by Asian American friends. "Filial piety and repaying your parents is a norm, although many of our friends have working class immigrant parents."
Other people chimed in with their thoughts.
One persone commented: "NTA. But I don’t think this is even about money – your husband has some deep issues about his relationship with his parents and upbringing that he needs to address."
"Where you are coming from makes perfect sense, like 100%," another person commented. "But I agree with many others here – this is about more than just money for your husband. There's something else going on in his relationship with his parents – he might not even be fully aware, but repaying helps somehow."
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