Have you ever been called selfish for not babysitting a family member’s kids? What about deciding not to have your own children? Imagine those stigmas mixed together and multiplied by a thousand. That’s what one woman is going though right now on Reddit.
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The thread, titled “AITA for refusing to take my sister’s kids after she passes on?” was posted to the popular Reddit subforum on February 19 by user InterestingStaff6566. Since then, it has gained a 95% upvote and 1,900 comments. It’s clear that people had a lot to say on the topic — some very sympathetic and others … well, not so tactful.
Here’s the full story. The original poster (OP) begins: “My sister (31F) was recently diagnosed with brainstem glioma. Apparently it’s big and untreatable due to the location. I’m not sure how long she has, but most likely it will shorten her life span by a significant amount. Apparently she’s already experiencing some bad symptoms.
"My sister has three kids; a newborn and a 2 year old and a 6 year old. She asked me to take them once she dies.”
OP goes on to talk about how her sister’s ex doesn’t want anything to do with the kids, and she’s the next of kin. She tells her sister that no, she won’t take the kids.
“A child isn’t an 18 year commitment; it’s lifelong, and one I have decided not to take,” she states, leading on to explain how upset her sister was. Which is valid; it’s such a terrifying idea to not know where your children will end up after you die.
But is forced motherhood really the answer?
Her sister and her sister’s friends seem to forget that children will only flourish and feel safe in a household that was made for being a family. There’s no point in forcing child-free people to take on kids, as the children will definitely pick up on it, regardless of how much the adoptive parents try to make it work.
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OP also goes on to state that she has been receiving abusive phone calls at all hours from her sister’s friends and acquaintances. Yet none of those people seem to be standing up to take the kids. It’s obvious they have their own valid reasons for not adopting, but that just makes the abusive hypocrisy all the more painful.
Shaming someone for not doing something you also refuse to do is not only nonsense, but incredibly self-centered.
What do readers say?
The replies seem to answer this question on all sides. Surprisingly (since the internet is never usually so empathetic), the majority acknowledge that it’s OP's choice — and that her reasons are perfectly valid.
The systemic pressure that every woman feels to have kids is not forgotten on the thread. Commenters also touch on how awful this situation is for the kids, but they do so in a way that doesn’t blame the aunt.
Despite ultimately agreeing that OP isn’t to blame, one user outlines the downsides to the decision.
Though the response is well-intended, what Partassipant fails to realize is that OP has very much looked at it from her sister’s perspective. Otherwise she wouldn’t have written such a detailed post on the matter and even considered asking for advice in the first place. Just because it makes sense that OP is a valid choice in the sister’s eyes doesn’t mean she should take the kids or that she’s the only option.
'No' is a full sentence.
As depressing as the fate is for the children, it all comes down to agency, bodily anatomy, and human rights. And u/InterestingStaff6566 makes sure that everyone understands that in her last edits of the thread.
“I have OCD,” she states, “where I need to shut a door several times until it’s completely shut, or noises like dripping water drive me insane, imagine having a newborn when sound can drive you mentally insane-it’s debilitating.”
There are tons of reasons to not have kids, and despite the fact that it’s possible to be neurodivergent and a parent, it’s also a perfectly valid reason not to. Life is stressful enough with an anxiety disorder without having to add forced adoption on top of it.
She ends on a thought-provoking note: “To those of you who said I’m an AH, fair, but then let me ask you, why aren’t you adopting? Why aren’t you fostering? Why aren’t you making sure you get kids out of the system? Get off your d*mn high horse.”
What would you say if InterestingStaff6566 was your friend, relative, coworker, or partner? What would you do if it was your sister asking you to adopt her kids? Truth is, most of us probably wouldn’t truly know until we got in that very situation. Even if we think we’re 100% sure of what we’d do, the reality may be very different.
Children deserve a loving, enthusiastic, and unconditional family. Forcing them to be with parents who would have rather stayed child-free is just as bad on them as it is on the parents.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
