Adoption can be a beautiful way to bring a child into your home and family. Families all over the world have been built through adoption, and many of those families are happy to this day.
There can definitely be a learning curve when families adopt for the first time. There are lots of things to consider: Should the adoption be open or closed? Does the child have their own ethnic or cultural traditions, and if so, how should they be honored?
More from LittleThings: Babies Get X-Rayed In Odd Tube Contraptions, And People Can't Stop Laughing At The Photos
One question that pops up fairly frequently is pretty personal: Is it OK change an adopted child's name?
One mom recently opened up to Reddit about her planned adoption. She and her wife are getting ready to welcome their baby girl home, and they're super excited.
"I’m a lesbian, she/her, have a wife, also she/her," the original poster (OP) begins. "We both love kids and have fostered about 20 teens and disabled kids throughout the 30 years we’ve been married, but we recently decided to stop, settle down, and just adopt a baby girl."
Their adoption is almost finalized, so they're really getting excited about all the details surrounding their daughter:
"It’s almost finalized and my wife mentioned she had these really pretty eyes that almost looked yellow, along with random patches of whiteish hair which mixed with brown also looked yellow."
Their daughter was named Elizabeth by her birth family, but they're thinking of changing her name:
"My wife suggested we rename her from elizabeth to maize(yes the color we both love the name) and i was fully on board with this! but there was quite a few people who were not."
They were surprised when most of their friends told them they disagree with the decision:
"Mostly our friends who got pissed saying she was given the name she had for a reason and that we had no right to change it just because we thought it was cute. i remember someone telling us the birth name she was given might have a lot of meaning to her birth mother or birth father or whatever culture she is (we weren’t even told anything by her bio parents but we’ll look into it)."
They don't want to do anything harmful, so the woman is asking Reddit: What should they do?
"We both do genuinely love the name maize but we haven’t changed her name yet so if it would be wrong to change it please let me know."
Lots of people spoke up.
When it comes to these kinds of questions about adoption, it's important to listen to the voices of people who were adopted first, foremost, and whenever possible. Luckily, plenty of adoptees spoke up. One person shared their own experience with this topic in a very gentle way:
"I’m not going to pass judgement but I’m adopted and my name was changed as an infant, and I’m part of a group of adopted people, many of whom lost their birth names. While many people may think that since she’s a baby, her name being changed won’t matter, but I think you need to consider leaving her that piece of her bio family. Knowing you’re adopted often leads to a desire to have a piece of your bio family to have that link, be it knowing who your birth parents are, a name you were given, or just a picture. Everyone is different, but I know some people who have gone back to using their birth names to reclaim that piece they felt their adoptive parents took away from them by changing their name."
This person continued: "I’m not at all saying that will happen for sure with your daughter, I’m in my mid 20s and have never considered using my birth name, but it is something that happens and something to be cognizant of. If you do change her name or don’t, please make sure you give her the opportunity to explore links to her bio family as she comes to question her identity over her life."
Adoptive parents spoke up, too.
Another adoptive mom added her voice to the mix as well:
"As an adoptive parent, I also implore OP not to change her kid's first name. In many ways, the name is the only lasting gift birth mothers can give to their children. Middle seems like a good compromise. She is not a blank slate – she comes with a family and a history that will be valuable to her someday. As much of a gift as it is for adoptive parents, adoption inherently begins with tragedy, and the beginning of your story together is not the beginning of her story. Honor that and you will be far more likely to successfully help your daughter navigate her feelings about adoption, and ultimately build a stronger and healthier relationship."
However, there's no wrong or right way to do this.
Another adoptee spoke up and said they had no interest in their birth name, which points out the obvious: Adoptees are not a monolith.
"Not every adopted person wants anything to do with their biological families. Most I've known don't seem to give them a second thought.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't believe you. It's just a perspective I've never encountered before and found surprising."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
