So many parents wonder when their child will ever sleep through the night. I'm a new mom, and people assume that my child, Baby Z, must be keeping me up every night. That’s what babies do, right? They all wake up screaming every couple of hours. They make their parents wonder when they’ll ever feel rested again. That’s just how babies are.
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Well, my kid does not fit the mold. Sleep is his favorite. He is very good at it. He can do it anytime, anyplace, with no effort on my part whatsoever. He would do it all the time if I let him. Sounds like every parent’s fantasy, right? Let me tell you, while I appreciate that it lets me get plenty of my own sleep, it also raises a lot of concerns. Here are a few of the reasons my perfect little sleeper keeps me awake, wrought with worry.
This child would happily starve if I let him.
My baby would rather sleep than eat. It seems simple enough — just wake him up, right? Well, it’s not that easy. My son was born small and had some trouble eating at first. It took him some time to start growing. Once he was able to eat, getting him to actually do it was another thing. For his first few weeks, I had to set alarms every two to three hours to feed him, since he just would not wake up on his own.
When the time came to wake him up, keeping him alert was seriously challenging. He had to be uncomfortable. This meant getting him stripped down to just a diaper and using our cold Maine weather to my advantage. At 2 a.m. on a 30-degree spring night, I would go outside with my naked baby until he woke up. Then I would bring him inside and sit next to an open window. He would eat for a couple of minutes, then doze off again. And again. Each time, I had to dangle him near the window’s cold draft until he woke up. Feedings could take an hour or more just to get 2 ounces of food into this kid. Intentionally causing my son discomfort every few hours was not a great way to promote our bonding. I felt like a mean mama. Yet it was the only way to get him fed.
I’m worried he isn’t getting enough stimulation.
He’s a couple months older now, and everything I read says this is a critical time for my baby to be absorbing the world around him. He needs to be taking in language. Talk to him, read to him, show him the world. I want to so badly! He just wants to sleep. We go on family walks where he can see the forest. He sees none of it because he is asleep in his carrier. Expose him to music! Music exhausts this kid. He can handle about five minutes of music before he is rubbing his eyes and yawning. I do make sure to play him the song “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.”
It is an important cautionary tale of what will happen to his social relationships if he sleeps all the time. Don’t forget about tummy time! It’s crucial! He lasts a few minutes before he falls asleep. He seems to be on track for lifting his head and doing mini pushups. Maybe all of the sleep helps his brain development and lets him maximize what he takes in during his short periods of wake? I don’t know. He’s meeting his milestones, but I’m still concerned that he’s missing out on so much. I also feel a lot of pressure to be taking advantage of every time he is alert. His eyes are open! Quick, get a book in front of him! Keep talking so he will learn language! Don’t miss any opportunity!
He can sleep through fire alarms.
Never having to worry about noise waking the baby sounds great, right? I am clumsy. Pans get dropped at all hours. I trip constantly. We live in a tiny house, so there is no keeping Baby Z away from all the noise. It does not affect him. This is the root of one of my worst fears. Baby Z has slept through the sounds of phones ringing, gunshots (from my husband’s target practice), and fire alarms.
This unsettles me greatly. See, my brother was a deep sleeper, too. It did not end well for him. One night, after he had gone to sleep, his apartment caught fire. His fiancée tried to wake him. He sat up and looked like he was getting up. She thought he was right behind her, following her out of the building. Only he wasn’t. He didn’t get up and follow her out like he was supposed to. He just went back to sleep and never made it out. My little brother died at 25 because he didn’t wake up when he needed to. No one was at fault. He had his whole life ahead of him. All of his family and friends had our hearts shattered. Seeing how hard it is to wake my son leaves me knowing that it could easily happen again.
I spend a lot of time hoping and praying that Baby Z will be able to grow into a person who will be able to wake up when he needs to. That he’ll be able to wake up to alarms, both emergency ones and the ones that will get him to a job interview on time. For now, I just have to trust in God — and sleep some of the time that the baby sleeps.
