When we look into the faces of our children, many of us try to imagine what they will be and what they will do when they get older. We envision their first days of kindergarten, their first prom, their graduation days. Many a mother has looked at her child and thought about the joy and excitement of their wedding day.
But one columnist is here to remind moms — specifically mothers of the groom — that while you may have anticipated this day for years, you don’t have a say in how any of it goes down.
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Sherry Kuehl is an author and columnist for the Kansas City Star. She has strong — and sometimes controversial — opinions so she’s amassed a following both within the pages of the paper and on her TikTok page — some lovers, some haters.
In one of her more recent videos, she’s stepped on the toes of boy moms as she listed five rules that are important for mothers of the groom to remember.
The first one: Keep your opinion to yourself, even when asked. “If the bride is politely including you, and asking you your opinion about some stuff, she really doesn’t want to hear your opinion, she’s just doing it to be kind,” Kuehl explained. She said if you must provide a response, be affirming and offer a compliment. “Say something, like, ‘You are so clever,’ or ‘Oh, that’s sounds beautiful. You’ve got great taste,’” Kuehl advised.
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The third rule is, “You really don’t have a say in anything as mother of the groom, except what you wear.” Kuehl said even that may be off the table if you have a bride who is particular about her dress code. Instead of putting up a fight, Kuehl reminded these women to be accommodating. “Just roll with it. Don’t do a surprise outfit,” Kuehl said. “And for the love of God, do not wear white to your son’s wedding.”
Rule four is that money doesn’t give you any power either. Many parents believe that footing the bill gives them the right to offer their input and suggestions when it comes to wedding planning. Kuehl says that’s not the case. “It was a gift, and when you give a gift, you don’t also get to give input,” Kuehl explained. “And if you’re going to have a problem not giving input with your gift, don’t give the money.”
As you might imagine, there were more than a few boy moms who did not take too kindly to the advice — even if they agreed with it.
“I just want to say while I don’t disagree … I have six sons,” one mom wrote. “It’s why we mourn never having a daughter. We become second-class citizens and bystanders to life. It’s heart-wrenching.”
Another mom called the rules, “Mean.”
Another TikToker had much more to say: “Unpopular opinion but as a boy mom I love my boys as much as y’all love your daughters. I’ve waited for his wedding just as you have for your daughters. I don’t want to plan their wedding but I’ll be damned if I’m told to shut up and sit down. My boys wouldn’t want to marry someone like that. I truly hope this is a joke. We boy boys are just as excited as girl moms. There I said it.”
But Kuehl told Today, the rules are similar for mothers of brides as well. “Not one single part of the wedding is about you,” Kuehl says. “You’re not in competition with your daughter, do not try to steal your daughter’s spotlight. I think a lot of mom’s don’t know they’re doing it, but they are.”
We have to agree. Whether you’ve had your own wedding or not, this is not the time to take center stage. The best parents know how to let their children shine. It shouldn’t be hard for them to do so on their wedding day.
