Temper tantrums, meltdowns, hissy fits — whatever you want to call them, they’re a nightmare for parents.
Temper tantrums are emotional outbursts that your kids can have at any time, which almost always feels like the worst time. Usually, something sets them off, like you saying no or them not getting their way. There can be crying, screaming, stomping, and even hitting at times.
While you can sometimes predict when your child is going to have one, there are times they come out of nowhere. Many kids throw a tantrum to test the limits. If I scream and cry, will I eventually get my way? We all know the answer here should be no.
As a parent, it’s important to know how to stop temper tantrums and more importantly how to avoid them. But sometimes, you may just need to learn how to deal with them and choose your battles wisely.
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How To Deal With Temper Tantrums And Stop Them
Your child is lying on the floor at Target because you won’t buy the toy they have to have. What do you do?
1. Take A Deep Breath
It may take everything in you, but try to stay calm. Yelling back at a screaming child won’t accomplish anything — you’ll get more frazzled and they’ll keep at it. Take a deep breath before telling your child calmly that they’re not going to get their way no matter how long they scream. This probably won’t stop the tantrum right away, but it sends the message that you’re not playing the game.
2. Gauge The Tantrum
Is your child having the tantrum because they’re tired or hungry? Is the tantrum happening because of pure defiance? If your child is tired or hungry, try to take care of those needs with a more nurturing angle. Even as adults, we can get “hangry” or overtired and throw our own version of a toddler tantrum. If your child is acting out in pure defiance, then it’s time to look at other tactics.
3. Ignore The Tantrum
As much as everyone in the store may stare at you and your screaming child, ignore the tantrum. Your child will eventually get the message that you will not give in. While this may not prevent another tantrum, the tantrums should decrease in duration to the point that your child won’t even bother putting up the fight because they know it’s not going to work.
4. Look Them In The Eye And Be Clear
Instead of looking down at your child and pointing the proverbial finger at them to stop, get down on their level. Look your child straight in the eye and tell them to clearly stop what they’re doing. Be direct so they get the point.
5. Follow Through On Discipline
If you tell your child you’re going to take away a favorite toy if they don’t stop the tantrum, be sure to take the toy away if they don’t stop. This way they learn there are consequences and you’re serious.
How To Avoid Temper Tantrums
Wouldn’t it be nice to avoid temper tantrums all together? While some tantrums may be inevitable, there are things you can to do to minimize the threat.
1. Fed And Rested
If you know your child goes into tantrum mode when they’re hungry or tired, be sure they’re fed and well-rested before going out. This way you may be able to minimize the meltdown at Target… maybe.
2. Distraction
When you sense a tantrum on the horizon, distract your child. Having a small toy or book handy may help avoid a total meltdown.
3. Teach Your Child Ways To Deal With Frustration
Don’t underestimate your child. If he’s smart enough to test the limits with a tantrum, he’s smart enough to understand other ways to deal with frustration. Try talking and explaining that you don’t have to throw a fit if you get mad. You may be pleasantly surprised at their response.
4. Pick Your Battles
While a Barbie Dreamhouse complete with a family of Barbies might be a big “no,” would an extra 10 minutes of television really be a big deal? You have to know when to pick your battles with kids. This is not to say you should be a pushover, but sometimes the small stuff can be overlooked if you want to avoid a tantrum. Still, the Barbie Dreamhouse and family should still be a big no!
5. Offer Choices
A big part of temper tantrums has to do with control. Sometimes by offering choices you can avoid temper tantrums down the road. An easy example of this is asking your child if he wants a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a grilled cheese for lunch. By letting him decide, you’re letting him have some control over something that really is not a big deal. As with anything, keep the choices in moderation.
How To Deal With Severe Temper Tantrums
While crying and screaming may be part of temper tantrums, some may include more serious behavior. Some children can get physical when it comes to tantrums. This could include trying to bite you or even hurting themselves. If this is the case, experts advise you should consult your pediatrician. This could be a sign of a serious problem. The doctor will look at the underlying causes of the tantrums. In some cases you may be told to seek help from a mental health provider.
Also, many tantrums tend to slow down by the time a child is 4. By that time many children tend to develop enough to have a better sense of what’s right and wrong. If you notice the tantrums are ramping up instead of following this trend, seek professional help as well. Dealing with temper tantrums is a part of parenting. As with a lot of parenting, a lot of it is trial and error. See what techniques work best to calm your child.
As always, SHARE these tips with a fellow parent who is dealing with temper tantrums. We’re all in this together!
