Here's my parenting lesson of the day: Whatever irritating thing your kids are up to, they will probably just grow out of it before moving on to another "jerk" phase, so you might as well enjoy the moment.
My 2-year-old is really into sucking milk from her sippy cup, spitting it on the floor, and then sucking it back into her mouth. It is, hands down, the most irritating and nasty thing I have going on in my parenting life right now. The thing is, if I take away her milk cup, she throws a fit; if I give it to her, I have to clean up a mess every couple minutes, while also struggling with the horrible fact that my daughter is drinking floor milk.
Not that this is the nastiest thing she’s put in her mouth (sadly, it's not: I once had to wrestle some animal poop she found in our front yard out of her mouth). But though spilled milk doesn’t top the list, it’s still pretty nasty.
At the same time, my 7-year-old daughter is really into getting out of bed a million and one times after I lay her down at night. First, it’s for a drink of water. Then, it’s to use the restroom. Then, she needs a hug. Then, she repeats, until I get really frustrated and start yelling. She takes it personally and starts to cry, and come 10:30 p.m., she’s finally down for the night.
My 10-year-old son is into throwing his bouncy ball against the back door because it’s next to the kitchen floor. He can get a really good bounce in there, enough to break picture frames, glasses, and flower vases.
Not that any of these actions are unusual for children. Unfortunately, they are par for the course. But that doesn’t make them any less irritating. To compound things further, all of it is happening simultaneously.
I will be honest, there was a time when I really focused on stuff like this. I felt that because I couldn’t get my kids to go to bed on time, I was doing something wrong as a parent. It felt like I was failing in some way.
But now, 10 years in, I’ve started to realize that I’m wrong to think that way. Not that I’ve done something wrong necessarily. It's more that getting worked up about what’s wrong with your kids usually means that you are missing out on all the things that are right about your kids.
Right now, while my 2-year-old is sucking milk out of the carpet and I’m doing everything I can to make her stop outside of sewing her lips shut, she’s also learning a couple new words a day. She’s getting close to 3, which is usually when that sort of development happens. She’s putting together sentences. She is starting to make jokes. She’s starting to show me all the amazingness that is her personality that for so long has been kept bottled up behind her inability to communicate. She’s also starting to use the potty, which is awesome. I love the way she still greets me at the door with a bright smile, insists on a hug, and says, “I love you, Da.” That right there is the highlight of my day.
My older daughter is doing really well in school. She’s really into drawing things, and although I’m running out of creative ways to dispose of all her drawings, she is actually getting pretty good. She’s also starting to do well in gymnastics. My son is reading better than anyone in his class. He also still hugs me when I drop him off at school even though all of his friends are watching. I love that.
There are so many amazing things going on with my children.
As parents, I think we sometimes get caught up in all the irritating things our kids are into. We focus on them. We worry about them endlessly as if our children’s irritating habits are a reflection of our own downfalls as parents. All the while, we aren’t focusing on all the amazing things our kids are up to.
The fact is, whatever irritating things my kids are into right now, they will eventually grow out of them, and into something else that sucks, so I might as well help them develop through it and enjoy the good things they are up to.
All of this reminds me of a conversation I once had with my sister. She’s seven years older than me, and has a teenage son. We were chatting over the phone, and she was complaining to me about how her son forged a note with her signature in an attempt to retake a test so he could move his math grade from an A minus to an A.
She was pissed. She couldn’t believe how he could be so disobedient, while I couldn’t believe he was that good of a student. He was all worried about not getting into a good college, and he thought an A minus would be the deal breaker.
When I was his age, I was using a pen to change my D minuses into B minuses. I told her as much, and then I listed some of the amazing qualities of her son. “I think the real issue here is that he is so worried about getting into a good college that it’s made him fret over an A minus," I said. "I hope that’s a problem I run into with my kids.”
I think it’s good to want our children to grow up into amazing adults. But to do that, we wind up picking at all their faults and forget to celebrate in their success and development.
And you know what, that sucks.
We can do better than that, right?
The last thing I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t correct your children when they do something wrong. You should. But I also think it’s important to look at all their good qualities. To look at what’s right, and savor it. Enjoy the moment a little.
Take note of all the good things your kids are up to, and don’t dwell on all the irritating, frustrating crap, because if you do that, parenting is going to be one miserable experience.
For more from Clint Edwards, visit No Idea What I’m Doing: A Daddy Blog and his Facebook page, and don’t forget to SHARE with friends and family!
