Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman have an interesting relationship dynamic. They have been married since 1982, but they’re not actually together. They split up in 2012, later reconciled, and then ultimately separated in 2017. However, they still spend a lot of time together and remain close. They don’t plan on getting divorced—and DeVito hinted at why during a recent interview.
DeVito and Perlman continue to get along.
During an AARP interview, the 81-year-old It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia star spoke highly of Perlman and recalled how they fell in love years ago, even though they’re no longer romantically involved.
“We hit it off,” DeVito said, reflecting on when they first started getting to know each other. “We liked off-Broadway stuff. We went to movies all the time. We made little movies together — short films. We had a lot in common, and we fell in love. A nice Jewish girl from Brooklyn and an Italian from New Jersey: I cooked, and she ate.”
He also explained how their unconventional dynamic works for them now that they’re separated. They continue to talk frequently and share meals together. “We’re always over at her house,” DeVito said during the interview. “We see the grandchildren together, that kind of stuff. So that’s a good relationship.”
It seems like they don’t really see any reason to get divorced.
Perlman previously explained that separating actually improved their relationship, in a way.
And it kind of makes sense. Without the pressures of being a truly committed, romantically involved married couple, their relationship became less dramatic and complicated, by the sounds of it.
During a 2019 appearance on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, Perlman seemed to suggest that people change and relationships change. “We were together for 40 years,” she said at the time. “Forty years is a long time! You might have to do something else! It’s OK!”
Perlman also added that their relationship is “much better (now) because all the tense stuff is gone.” It works for them because “I’m not in his face” and “he’s not in mine,” she explained.
At the time, she questioned why they would need to get divorced. “That’s not in the picture…” she said. “What for? We do live separately. We see each other a lot, too.”
It doesn’t sound like it was always so drama-free, though.
During a 2023 appearance on Lemonada Media’s Wiser Than Me podcast, Perlman touched on how their separation affected her. Even though they’re still in contact (and married, technically), the split was still a significant life change that impacted her.
“I’m not gonna sugarcoat it,” she said at the time. “It was very difficult at first. And there were a lot of reasons that we separated. It took time for us to come to this, somehow, pretty decent understanding and relationship with each other.”
A recent Reddit discussion about DeVito and Perlman’s relationship makes it clear that not everyone understands their relationship. “They’re married, but separated, but they spend most days together, and are family for the sake of their children… How is this separated? Are they seeing other people?” one person questioned.
Someone else speculated, “My guess is they like each other, but don’t like being tied at the hip and the expectations that come with being a married couple.”
But others argued that whether or not people understand their dynamic doesn’t really matter, because it appears to work for them. “Some relationships are unconventional by common standards, and that’s how they work best,” another Redditor commented. “It’s not really important for you to understand the nuances — if everyone’s happy and content the way things are, that’s all that matters.”
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