It can be great to have a friend come and stay with you for a little while. It gets difficult when the houseguest starts prying into your personal life. This was the case for one woman who took to Reddit for advice.
Her friend Oliva was staying with her and her partner and started to wonder about their sex life. Turns out this woman and her partner are asexual and have separate bedrooms. Oliva kept bringing it up, even though her friend told her she did not want to talk about it.
Houseguests are like fish.
This woman was trying to be a good friend. All seemed to start out OK but then her friend quickly overstepped. “My friend “Olivia” (25F) has been living at the home of my partner (30M) and I (26F) for about a week (edit: made a mistake there, actually a few weeks) as she has had some financial problems and was evicted from her own home,” she stated. “That’s fine, she cleans up after herself, she’s respectful of house rules, etc. Anyway, she pulled me aside a couple days ago and asked me if I’m really dating my partner, or if we’re just pretending. I asked her what put that in her head and she said that he and I never do couple-y things like kissing or PDA or etc. She also brought up the fact that we don’t share a bedroom and asked if everything was okay in our sex life.”
The friend persisted.
This woman and her partner live life on their own terms and do not owe an explanation to Olivia, but she persisted. “I am asexual, and so is my partner,” the friend continued. “My friend is not aware of this as I have not come out to anyone about this, but still… it’s a weird question to ask, is it not? Also it’s ludicrous to me that she went to the conclusion of my partner and I being in a fake relationship. I said everything was fine and it’s really none of her business. She dropped it but then yesterday she brought it up again, saying she was concerned because I seemed quite defensive and snappy when she brought up my sex life in the prior conversation. I’m not always aware of my tone of voice, I have alexithymia and autism so I’m not very good at reading/recognising emotions in myself, so I could well have come across as defensive without realising but I don’t know.”
More from LittleThings: 8 Etiquette Rules That Every Houseguest Should Always Keep In Mind
She cannot let it go.
It appears as if Olivia is projecting some of her own issues onto her friend. She just could not let it go. “She then went on, saying she wanted to continue the conversation and asking if I was 'waiting till marriage?' And whether or not my religion was forcing that as she noticed I didn’t seem happy about discussing it with her the last time she tried to so it might be a difficult topic for me,” the friend recalled. “I said that she was correct I didn’t want to talk about it with her because, again, it’s none of her business, so I would appreciate it if she stopped trying to.”
Olivia thinks her friend was rude.
Olivia turned this back around on her friend. “She told me I was being rude when she was just looking out for me and the least I could do was appreciate her support. She has been a victim of Christian purity culture, so I understand she was trying to help or to make sure I was okay, but I don’t appreciate her still trying to talk to me about it after I told her I didn’t want to,” the friend concluded by asking if she was wrong here.
Listening to boundaries is important.
Most of the forum was on the friend’s side. They believe that even though Olivia might have had good intentions she overstepped. She should have respected her friend's boundaries.
“I actually find this grossly disrespectful,” one user stated. "You've told her there's no issue, yet she keeps pushing and ignoring the clear boundaries you're setting. Even if there was something wrong, you're not obligated to share that with her. She really needs to mind her own business."
Sleep is so important.
The forum also discussed that it was totally OK for the original poster and her partner to sleep separately.
“Getting good sleep is difficult for a lot of people and I know a few couples that sleep separately because of work schedules, snoring, temperature preferences, one likes to fall asleep with the tv on and one doesn't, etc… I think it's a good thing to normalize, it's not always indicative of the strength of the relationship,” mused one user.
Some believe Olivia was just a concerned friend.
There were a few people in the comments section who thought Olivia was just trying to check on her friend.
“Sometimes women do look out for each other in this department too,” chimed in one user. "She sounds more concerned than condescending to me." This was definitely a minority opinion.
Work on yourself first.
Let’s hope Olivia finally takes the hint and drops it. Her friend's sex life is really none of her business. Maybe she needs to focus more on her own issues.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
