Older Sister Snaps When Little Sister Gets Engaged To A Much Older Man

The older sister is taking this very personally. She feels responsible. “I (28F) am not happy for my little sister (19F) getting married,” she explained. “We don’t have any family left other than a distant uncle who lives across the country and couldn’t care less about us. I have tried to be the best role model I could be for her since we lost our only parent so young, but I feel like I failed.”

The age difference really bothers this concerned older sister. “My little sister met this cook at the restaurant she works at and I don’t care what he does for a living, it has nothing to do with that but he’s 39,” she explained. “He is 39 years old and just put a ring on my 19 year old little sister’s finger. I met him once before and I didn’t realize he was that old to be honest, he looks good for his age. But I also didn’t think they would end up together so I didn’t think to press on it.”

This is not the first time the older sister has been worried about her little sister’s dating habits. “She is constantly dating all these men, probably to make up for her severe daddy issues that I also have but we don’t need to get into that,” she explained. “I feel terrible because my sister was so excited to tell me she’s engaged, and I flipped out on her. I told her how disgusting it is that he is an old man and that she wouldn’t be able to live her life the way she wants to with a guy like that. She left my house crying and won’t answer me, it’s been 2 weeks.” She wants to know if she was wrong and what to do next.

The forum was mixed about if this sister is wrong. Most agreed her concerns were valid but many pointed out that she should have gone about it differently. Some users fully supported her righteous anger.

"YTA for what you said to her." wrote one user. "NTA for your concern."

One user breaks down the age difference and points out another disturbing fact.

“She could’ve gone about it in a less harsh way,” the commenter mused. “But let’s remember OPs little sister was 9 when the fiancé was 29. Let that sink in. he was 20 years old when she was born (depending on both their birthday months). I totally agree with OP for not wanting her little sister to be with a man this much older than her, who is likely a superior to her at work. (OP mentions little sister works at a restaurant and that fiancé is a cook) which just makes the whole situation all the more predatory.”

While the forum could not agree with whether or not this sister was wrong, they did offer some helpful advice. Everyone did agree the fiancé was too old for the younger sister. They urged the older sister to stay in the younger sister's life, no matter what as she might need her at some point in the future.

"Alienating her isn't going to help if she needs your support down the road," advised one user.

"Sometimes we need to let our loved ones make their mistakes, and just show them that we're there for them no matter what," chimed in another. "You don't want your sister to end up alienated in the marriage, you want her to know you'll be there for her if and when the marriage falls apart."