Mom Debates Taking 5-Year-Old Son To His Friend’s Funeral Despite Dad’s Opposition

The mom starts out by giving some much-needed backstory so outsiders can fully understand what is at stake here. “I 26F co-parent my son James 5M with my ex Eli 26M,” she begins. “I am a single parent, and have a bad relationship with Eli after he ghosted me when I was 7 months pregnant despite saying he was going to be involved in James' life. I really struggled when James was younger and had to drop out of college and go back to finish my degree after Eli left.” It is safe to say there is some resentment.

Eli saw the error of his ways and worked to make amends. The mom is making an effort for the sake of her son. “Eli reached out late last year to make amends and wanted to be present in James' life,” she went on to say. “I refused and told him he can ask for custody through the courts as I wouldn't let him see James in case he left again. Since then we have maintained a custody agreement where James stays with Eli on alternate weekends and he backpaid and currently pays child support. Outside of picking and dropping James, I don't talk to Eli. I have a civil relationship with him infront of James and don't badmouth him in front of my son.”

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Now that readers know what’s brewing beneath the surface, the mom explained her current conundrum. “James' friend at school Sean 5M has passed from cancer and James is devastated,” she explained. “Sean's family have invited me, James and Eli to the funeral and James is aware of the funeral as his classmates have spoken about it. I want James to attend for closure and think its important for him to attend, but Eli thinks James is too young and some of his other classmates aren't attending. Sean and James were close though and Sean's mom is a good friend of mine, so I wanted to show my support.”

The mom wants to ignore Eli’s objections. She just doesn’t think he understands because he wasn’t around. She knows this won’t go over well. “The funeral falls on a weekday, during my time with James, and as Eli's only reason is he is too young, I want to take him,” she continued. “Eli has only recently become involved and was not around to see James and Sean together enough for him to see their relationship. Our co parenting relationship is awful though and taking James to the funeral would make it way worse.” Reddit users were happy to weigh in.

There are no easy answers in this situation. Some users were on the mom’s side.

“You are the primary custodial parent, and also are in a much better position to make this decision,” one user wrote. “It would be one thing if the funeral was for someone your child didnt know well, but this is a for a close friend. He is going to grieve for his friend either way. Going to the funeral may help.”

Other users don’t see things as black and white. They think truly no one is in the wrong here. It could be an opportunity for the mom and Eli to work through a difficult situation and become even better co-parents.

“This is a genuinely difficult question which doesn't have a right-or-wrong answer,” one user mused. “This isn't going to be the last big parenting choice you'll disagree with Eli about, and it's an important one for you to stand your ground if that's what you believe is right.”

One thing everyone on the site agreed on was getting professional counseling for James. This is a hard thing to process for a 5-year-old and it's OK to get help.

“You should look into professional grief counseling for your son,” one user urged. “Kids, especially young kids, are just not equipped to deal with this. And I can say from personal experience that unless there’s a place for all these feelings to go, it will bottle up inside your kid and turn very bad. If your son is so upset he can’t talk about it, he needs help. Please, please get it for him.”