Everybody poops, but hopefully in a toilet. This has not been the case in Michigan since February 2024. There is a serial pooper on the loose in Dearborn.
This unknown defecator is targeting the Northview Cemetery. Their motives are unknown at this time. The investigation is still ongoing but there are more pressing cases to attend to first.
This all began on February 25, 2024. The unknown suspect allegedly targeted one headstone. They have repeated their actions seven times at seven different headstones.
Investigators have yet to determine a pattern. There are no leads or persons of interest. There is DNA evidence to consider.
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Unfortunately, the poop has yet to be analyzed. It has not even been sent to the lab yet. This does not appear to be the department’s prime concern at this time. “The state is prioritizing a backlog of evidence involved in more serious cases,” police stated. One could infer that serial killers are more pressing than serial poopers.