For many people, it is natural to want to nurture and take care of their friends, especially when they are in need. Sometimes, these friends will take advantage of this generosity. It is totally OK to stand up for one’s self in situations such as these, but sometimes a little boost of confidence can help. This is why one widowed mom took to the popular AITA forum on Reddit.
This mom has a friend who moved into a rental property with her and her three kids. She brought along two kids of her own. That makes five kids and two adults living under one roof. The widowed mom was saving for a house and told the friend when they moved she and her children would not be coming with them. The freeloading mom did not believe this until it was actually going to happen. Now, the widowed mom feels guilty.
The widowed mom wanted to help her friend.
“I am a 32YO widow to three young children,” the widowed mom begins. “We live in a small but cute three bedroom that is too small for us but do to cost of living and COVID we ended up renting the home longer than originally expected. The house has a renovated garage type space in the back and about 6 months ago my friend 'Trish' asked if she could stay because she had no where to go with her two kids. I told her that's fine but that I would not be renewing my lease because I am purchasing a home.”
Her friend did not listen.
She communicated her next steps clearly to her friend. “Trish has not saved up any money or gotten a job,” she noted. “I reminded her last week that I would start putting in offers on homes this week. We put in a offer this past Friday and found out today that i was accepted. I let Trish know that I if things went well we would be leaving in 30-45 days. She asked me about the house and then said that the house doesn't have a space for her and her kids but otherwise it was perfect.”
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Her friend feels entitled to move with her.
The new homeowner did not think anything of this offhand comment at first. “I thought she was joking and said that once we get settled we will figure out something for sleep overs with the kids,” she recalled. “Trish seemed totally taken off guard. She said that she didn't think I was really going to move without her and that she had no where to go and she would be homeless. She called her sister and her sister said no she can't stay because their grandmother already lives there and there is no more space. Trish is now freaking out and saying that we've all turned our back on her. Her parents don't have their own place nor do her grandparents.”
She tried to give her friend helpful suggestions.
The original poster stayed strong in the moment but internally doubted herself. “I recommended income based housing a job but she said she doesn't want to put er kids in day care,” she continued. “She says that I have more than enough money to help her and still buy a house ( I work two jobs and have busted my butt to buy this house and have enough money for furniture and everything to be the way I want). I basically told her I can't help her and the lights will be out September 15th.” She wants the internet to reassure her she did not do anything wrong.
The results are in.
It was unanimous on the forum that this mother was doing what was right for her children. Trish was using her and expecting far too much.
“You gave her 6 months,” chimed in one user. "She is not working, and she is not planning to work – her plan is to exploit YOU."
Trish should have tried harder.
Many on the forum confirmed that the OP did all she could for her friend. Her friend needs to take more responsibility for herself and her children.
“Six months is an adequate amount of time for someone to find work, gig work or a job, and save up money,” wrote one user. “She's been freeloading the entire time, hasn't found a job and doesn't have money, likely hasn't looked into any county assistance options or anything. It's unfortunate that she now has to figure out where to go, but it sounds like she didn't do anything to help herself get into a more solid situation.”
Perhaps OP should change her thinking about the whole situation.
One user even thinks OP should reframe her mindset about the whole situation.
“You are not leaving her with nowhere to go,” the commenter urged. “Her own actions of not planning and preparing are responsible for her having nowhere to go. I think it was very kind of you to help her out – we all need help sometimes. But it is not your responsibility to permanently house her and her children.”
To wrap it all up...
The new homeowner should be ecstatic about her situation and not feel guilty about her friend. She has the support of Reddit at the least. Hopefully Trish will come around eventually as well. If not, maybe she is better off without her.
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