Everyone knows that having a broken heart hurts, even when you're, say, Bradley Cooper. The pain of a heartbreak doesn't discriminate no matter who you are, where you live, or what you do for a living. But often, as a society, we can underestimate just how much the end of a relationship can negatively impact a person's life.
The truth is, heartbreak doesn't just hurt — it can hurt your mental health and even leave you seriously struggling through everyday activities.
Lexi Joondeph-Breidbart, a licensed social worker in the state of New York and a graduate of New York University Silver School of Social Work, saw that there was a gap in the support we can easily find when it comes to breakups. So, Lexi set out to change that.
Lexi started running virtual support groups this year for helping people to navigate the loss of their relationships. And while she's run other support groups in the past, she saw a need for this specific kind of support, especially in the current climate, where people are largely isolated.
Even when you're at your best, being alone can be tough. When you're struggling through a breakup, being alone can totally derail your mental health. We talked to Lexi about her mission and she told LittleThings that a major theme in the discussions in the group is loneliness.
"I started the virtual breakup support group in the beginning of COVID-19," she shared. "During this pandemic, I am bringing together a group of women from across the country to process their heartbreak."
Lexi had originally planned to start holding her support groups in-person. But even though her plans changed a bit, the groups may be playing an even bigger part right now due to the state of the world. People are seriously struggling with the end of relationships because they can't do normal activities or connect with others as frequently — all of which are helpful for coping with any kind of loss.
Lexi spoke to this point saying: "Breakups are weighing heavily on individuals navigating the heartbreak process through the pandemic. The women I meet with in the support groups are physically isolated from friends and family. Many of them spend more time on social media, where there is temptation to look at an ex's profile, because they cannot go out to the bars with their friends, host a movie night, go out for brunch, or any other activities that would have acted as a distraction."
Anyone who has been through a breakup knows that a certain amount of distraction is key. Otherwise, you'll just end up sitting around and thinking about the end of the relationship. "This is why the breakup group is working so well virtually," Lexi said of the connections women are making in the group. "It gives these women a scheduled time of the week to talk about their breakup with others experiencing heartbreak at the same time. No one else can really understand what it is like to survive a breakup on top of trying to survive a global pandemic."
This is certainly not an easy time to be navigating heartbreak. Because the truth is, many people are having a tough time just navigating everyday life. That's why the work Lexi's doing is so crucial right now. I mean, there is really no rule book for getting over someone ever. Right now? It's kind of a complete crapshoot.
In the support groups, it's not hard to find an array of emotions circulating, the host says.
"Many express feeling ashamed for being wrapped up in their breakup when others are facing traumatic events," she says. "It’s important for members to be validated in whatever emotions they are feeling. It’s OK to feel guilt and sharing this with the group allows other members to discover they are not alone."
There's a big loss of normalcy right now. Couple that with the end of a relationship, and it's really difficult for people to not feel completely overwhelmed.
"Many of us who are not going through a breakup right now already feel paralyzed by the current state of the world," Lexi pointed out. "Imagine on top of that going through a heartbreak where it feels like the world will end if you can't be with what you thought was your person."
Even though breakups might be more challenging now than any other time we can remember, Lexi isn't just worried about helping people navigate breakups through the pandemic. She believes that as a society, we don't lend enough support to those who are coping with heartbreak at any given time. And why not? Heartbreak is one of the toughest things people have to go through. We've all had a breakup that totally destroyed us. And Lexi is no different. She says she was once so debilitated by the end of a relationship that she couldn't get out of bed for two weeks.
Lexi's experience ended up changing her life, though, in the long run.
"This inspired me to look into breakup support groups," she said. "I had remembered going through a breakup, feeling alone, and wondered if breakup support groups were something available to individuals. There has not been a ton of research on breakups or breakup support groups, but what I did find was that breakups are a huge risk factor for depression and that support groups are effective, especially when focused on loss, because members validate and normalize other users' grief experiences."
The work Lexi's doing is so important — not just in the way that it helps people get through their breakups and come out stronger on the other side — but because she's also breaking down barriers about mental health. There are so many reasons why a person's mental health can suffer! Her support groups completely take shame out of the equation. They allow people to connect over a shared struggle, and they tell people it's OK to grieve a loss (even when the person they're losing is still alive).
Breakups are unimaginably hard sometimes and we could all use more support in getting through them. But right now, Lexi's work might just be doing more than taking away a bit of heartbreak. It might just be changing the way we talk about this kind of loss in the future.
