It's hard to imagine a more nightmarish scenario the day before your wedding: A bride-to-be walked in on her fiancé while he was fooling around with one of the bridesmaids in their wedding party. This sort of story is usually reserved for daytime soaps and fan fiction, but unfortunately, it happened in real life.
As absurd as that sounds, that scene isn't even the most bananas thing about this saga. One of the decent bridesmaids live-tweeted all of the events after they busted the philanderer, and this story is sure to have you alternating between laughter and tears of disbelief.
The Disclaimer
My dear @starlightgeek, you have us intrigued. But in all seriousness, the disclaimer that she has the bride's permission to post what follows is important.
How It Went Down
As we said earlier, this reads like a bad daytime soap opera — something writers come up with when they are all out of proper ideas. And yet this is a poor bride's real life.
Appropriate steps were taken to shun the jerk. The addition of "He's not welcome" is worth a chuckle. Shouldn't that be obvious?
Honestly, you have to love the fire described here.
The girls aren't going to shed a tear over this betrayal. They're just going to plot and scheme a way to deliver the maximum amount of pain possible.
All right, be honest: (1) You're way more invested in this story now that the author is making Hogwarts references, and (2) that's definitely the most terrifying house combination possible.
Take a breath. Pour a drink.
We promise the craziness is about to reach all-new heights in a moment.
Many reasonable questions can be asked at this juncture: Why were there paintball guns readily available? What was the bride wearing if she took her dress off? Which genius came up with the pun "painballs"?
But we don't have time to ponder these mysteries, because now we've arrived at the real madness.
Apparently, the jerk and the lady jerk absconded to Vegas. Maybe they felt more at home in Sin City?
The caps lock is appropriate on this one.
So on the day this guy was supposed to get married, he ran off to Las Vegas with a disloyal bridesmaid and started broadcasting their impromptu ceremony? What a winner.
Thankfully, everyone seemed to enjoy the train wreck. But we're still wondering what the actual bride is wearing during all this.
Life tip: If you're going to elope with one of your bride-to-be's best friends, make sure you take your belongings with you. Because the passport is just the tip of the iceberg in this story.
Congratulations, cheater! You're now broke. How did this guy think the situation was going to end?
Honestly, this is the sweetest revenge of all. Because money and a happy life together is one thing, but ending your ability to watch the last few episodes of Stranger Things is a whole new level of righteous retribution.
Points to the bride here for not canceling on all the decent human beings who'd planned their lives around the big day.
Everyone — minus the two who ditched out for Vegas — seemed to enjoy themselves and have a laugh at the disaster.
Then comes the justified ruining of the groom's life. The last tweet is probably the best, a late-in-the-day realization that's just the perfect amount of petty. And he totally deserves it.
Well played, ladies. Well played.
