Money is a big issue for couples to argue about. Whether it's about not making enough or spending it on the wrong thing, every strong couple has sat down and talked about it at least once. But it's rare for there to be a situation where your partner is loaded and you've never had a clue.
But that's what happened to a Redditor who posted on the site's famous "Am I the A**hole?" thread. Typically, users detail a scenario that happened in their life to get opinions from those not involved in the situation. Hopefully, the original poster (OP) in this financial scenario got some clarity on how she should proceed with her engagement.
"I've been dating this great guy for 6 years," the bride-to-be wrote. "He is a single father to 3 amazing girls (his first wife died several years ago). Before the world went to trash he took me out to a very fancy dinner and asked me to marry him, the girls then came out and asked me to be their mom. And they all presented me with an amazing ring he told me was a family ring. I said yes."
While it seems like the beginning of a happy story, she then realized that her husband-to-be was keeping a big secret from her.
"Shortly after they all went back out west to help his parents settle somethings with the family company," she continued. "They recently came back, finished their isolation and got tested to be safe. And he came to see me as just said that he wanted to talk."
"Well he dropped a bombshell that what I thought was a small family company is actually a million dollar tec company," she said. "I was shocked." Throughout all this time together, she had no clue that her husband-to-be was well off. He never left any big clues.
"He and the girls live in a nice standard family home for the area and wear nice clothing but it's not like I have ever seen him/the girls/ items in his house that would be considered luxury brands," she explained. She said that during their time together, they always made thrifty choices and rarely splurged.
"He said he never told me because he wanted to find love again with someone that cared about him and his girls, not his money," she said. It makes a lot of sense. However, it must be a weird feeling after having dated for six years. After all that time — and agreeing to be married — you'd imagine you think you know your partner pretty well.
While he had good intentions, he also lied about his trip. "He then went on about how the trip back was really to set up the main house for us," she said. "I had already planned on moving with him once we got married so that was not the problem. But now he tells me I can be a housewife and just do whatever I want to be happy."
A comment like that can be kind, but also a little degrading — especially if a woman really enjoys working and is career-oriented. Gone are the days where the man is expected to have the career and pay the bills. Women have proven that they're excellent in the workplace.
"I still love him but I feel like now there is so much I don't know about him and I want to just put a pause in the engagement and get to know him again," she said. While engagements don't have a universal timeline, it seems like his girls are already anticipating the event and trying to help plan.
Speaking of the girls, she really does have their best interests at heart. "I don't want to hurt them," she said. "Especially the girls as they have already lost so much. My friends tell me I should just move forward and if that even asking them to wait would make me a monster since they all clearly love me and I love them."
"I still want to be with him but I feel like I need to get to know this part of him too," she concluded. "But everyone around me is saying to just go forward as normal as to not rock the boat but this feels anything but normal." That means that on the inside, there's something nagging her and telling her that this situation isn't fully right.
The good news is that it seems as if everyone truly does care and love each other. It makes sense for her husband-to-be to safeguard the news until he really got to know her. But it also makes sense for her to wonder what else he may be flawlessly hiding. By putting a pause on the engagement, it's not saying that the wedding will never happen. It'll just give them some time to breathe and really understand the situation at hand.
Most of the Redditors felt like she was in the right to feel a little overwhelmed. But hopefully, it's something a simple conversation would help with. And possibly couple's therapy, just to make sure there isn't any underlying resentment or fear. Redditor carzytoaster stated that in general, therapy was a great tool for any long-term couple.
"I'm planning on going to a few sessions of couples therapy with whoever my future fiance ends up being, just like a 'check-up' anyways," they wrote. "It really can't hurt, and in all likelihood it will help." Another user piped in and said that their county actually gives couples $60 off their wedding license if they've been to marital counseling.
Redditor BaconFaceHappyPants was more than optimistic about the post in general. "Both sides of this story are understandable," they wrote. "He's lost his wife, the girls have lost their Mom, and he wanted to be cautious about new love. You have just had a bombshell dropped! A good one, for sure, but needing to take a minute to absorb all of this isn't unreasonable. The girls being so excited warms my heart to no end. They must really love you a lot!"
It's a reminder that while suddenly having a lot of money is a good surprise, it's still a surprise. If you're hiding something this big from your significant other for six years, just know that they'll have plenty of follow-up questions. Hopefully, these two will work on their communication before living happily ever after.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
