Being quarantined is hard. Being quarantined with a spouse you aren't getting along with is downright brutal. The fact is, challenging circumstances can test even the strongest relationships out there. If a couple is already struggling, then the last thing they need is a huge test of their patience, which a nationwide call for social isolation certainly is.
It's no big surprise that the divorce rate in China is skyrocketing at the present moment since the citizens of China, where the disease originated, are beginning to emerge from their homes as the country lifts its quarantine orders. What we're seeing is that as they begin to leave their homes, people are also leaving their spouses behind.
Anecdotal reports out of China show a huge surge in filings for March. That means divorce attorneys have their hands full right now. The bad news for the rest of us is that we will probably have our own skyrocketing divorce rates soon.
Lately, social media is filled with plenty of "I can't stand my husband" jokes. While it's funny because most of us can relate to how hard it can be to be stuck with the same person or people around the clock, the fact is, there seems to be truth to the idea that a lot of couples might not make it through this event unscathed. The reports out of China certainly have us wondering what's next.
China publishes nationwide statistics on divorce only annually. Still, media reports from various cities show uncouplings surged in March. It's no coincidence that that's about as soon as couples were allowed to begin emerging from weeks of government-mandated lockdowns.
One divorce lawyer in Shanghai says his caseload has seen a 25% increase since the end of the quarantine. Steve Li, who works at Gentle & Trust Law Firm, says that infidelity used to be the biggest reason clients came to him seeking divorces. He says that “people have time to have love affairs when they’re not at home.” Certainly, that hasn't been the case over the past couple of months, though.
Now being together and being together too much has been the biggest cause for new divorce cases in China. “The more time they spent together, the more they hate each other,” Li says. “People need space. Not just for couples — this applies to everybody.”
There is a lot to be said for having your own space, and it seems that spending too much time around your spouse might not be healthy. For lucky couples who really get along, the social isolating together can feel like a meaningful time to slow down and reconnect. But for others, it only magnifies their current issues.
While for some, it's been unpleasant; for others, it has meant being put in a scary situation. For those in abusive relationships, lockdowns meant being home with not only a spouse they didn't enjoy being around but also a spouse who was emotionally or physically inflicting pain. China saw domestic abuse rates surge during social isolation.
Feng Yuan is the cofounder of Equality, a nongovernmental organization in Beijing focused on gender-based violence. She told Bloomberg that there’s been a rise in requests to her organization for help. “Lockdown brings out latent tendencies for violence that were there before but not coming out,” she said. “Lockdown also makes help seeking more difficult.”
It's a frightening trend for anyone who is feeling the marital strains during social isolation. But it's not unlikely that the same won't be true elsewhere. We're likely to see the divorce rate seriously spike everywhere the virus has hit hard and forced people indoors. It's a very unfortunate part of this pandemic for many. For some, it may have been a long time coming.
It doesn't mean we're all doomed. Still, social isolating is a pretty good time to get in touch with what is going on in your relationship. If there is trouble brewing, more than likely it has already begun to surface after just a few weeks at home with your spouse.
It will be interesting to see how these findings compare with rates all over the globe as more couples begin emerging from their homes in the coming weeks and months. We're all looking forward to getting out of our houses, that's for sure. Some people may be looking forward to getting away from their spouses more than others.
