Even though more people are feeling comfortable with their sexuality these days, feeling accepted is still a struggle for many in the LGBTQ community. The news can be even tougher for the elderly to share, especially if they've been living with their secret for decades. That's how 90-year-old Kenneth Felts had been living. The grandfather from Colorado initially planned to never come out. But then he had a change of heart.
Thanks to his extra time at home this year, Kenneth decided it was finally time to pen his memoir. The book would be extra special. Generations after him would learn about his time on earth. But the book would have been incomplete if Kenneth left out his sexuality. Since he was living a secret for decades, it only made sense to come out for his life story.
"I had been keeping this secret most of my life, and I had planned to take it to the grave," he admitted in an interview with Today.
Kenneth realized he was gay at an early age. He recalls figuring it out when he was only 12.
"In 1942 when I was 12, I realized I was gay," he wrote. Unfortunately, his household wasn't exactly open to the possibility. He grew up in Kansas, in a religious home where being gay wouldn't have been accepted. As long as he was under their roof, he couldn't pursue a relationship with another man.
While he had moments with other men, it was never anything serious. Plus, he seemed to try his best to keep it under wraps, since being found out would have ruined his family. It's amazing to think about the quiet struggle he was facing to just be his happiest self.
"If you came out, it really would cost you — your family, your job, all of your relationships," he said. "You would immediately be called a pervert." By coming out and admitting his truth, he'd risk losing everything he had. That was his tough reality, which is why he chose to stay silent.
Eventually, Kenneth met his match — but still had to stay quiet. After joining the Navy, he met a man named Phillip whom he had a deep connection with. He remained tied to Phillip for two years, and the two companions seemed happy to have each other. For Kenneth, it was the first time he felt really happy with his love life. "Phillip was the guide; I was the neophyte in this strange new world," he wrote on Facebook. "He had been here before; it was my first journey. I had no idea of the heights we would reach, the joys we would feel or the closeness we would experience."
"It was a void in my life that had suddenly been filled by another person who, apparently, had some of the same needs," Kenneth told Today. "And we just melted into each other." It must have been nice that Kenneth no longer felt alone with his big secret. Romance aside, it must have been nice to have someone who understood his struggle. "He was a dream come true," he wrote for his Facebook fans. "I was all over him like a sandstorm in the desert."
However, being born fairly religious, Kenneth had a hard time admitting the truth about his own sexuality. And that caused some cracks in his relationship with Phillip. The two separated, and Kenneth chose to forge a life after the end of the relationship. He went on to marry a woman.
He also fathered a daughter, which meant that it'd be hard for anyone to prove he was gay. But in 1995, Kenneth had an empowering moment. That was the year that his daughter chose to come out to him. Still, even having someone who understood the situation, he was afraid to tell his daughter the truth about his life.
Kenneth was still living in secret for well over two decades after his daughter admitted she was a lesbian. By that point, he had already divorced his wife. One day, while chatting with his daughter, he happened to mention his past relationship with Phillip, admitting that he never should have left him.
Once he felt comfortable saying those words out loud, Kenneth got gutsier. He made a social media post in regards to his sexuality, hoping to reconnect with Phillip. Unfortunately, during his search, he learned some terrible news about his past love.
Phillip had since died. "Phillip Allen Jones was the love of my life," Kenneth stated on Facebook. "I have a very sad and lonely heart today. My first and greatest love has passed away. He lived a full and happy life I am told by his niece. His partner of many years passed just a few years ago and Phillip remained alone for the rest of his life."
"I feel I shared with him the best years of his youth and he certainly made mine memorable and I will always remember and appreciate that," he continued. "I loved him in my heart so much over the years and now he is gone. It is so terribly frustrating to be so close to and yet not reach my lost love and horribly painful to not be able to say [goodbye]. But the whole world now knows what a loving man he was with me and to me while we were together."
The tribute was beautiful, but it must have been tough for Kenneth to know that Phillip didn't get to hear his kind words in person. Still, it was an opportunity for his friends to know about his deep love for another man. "My heart has turned to stone and I need my tears to wash away my sorrow," Kenneth concluded. "Rest in Peace Phillip."
Even though he didn't get the in-person reunion he was hoping for, Kenneth felt good to know that his story inspired others in the LGBTQ community to come out. They realized that people of all ages were still coming to terms with their truth. "I'm out, I'm gay and I'm free," Kenneth said to Today.
It's inspiring to know that, during his last years, Kenneth finally feels like he's openly himself. It's a reminder that there are still so many LGBTQ youth out there still looking for a supportive community. Hopefully, with people like Kenneth finally sharing their story, they'll realize they're not alone.
