Weddings have a way of getting an entire family hot and bothered, and one reason is that the events just provide so many, perhaps too many, opportunities for old fights to resurface and for tensions to boil over. Of course, that's assuming that everyone even makes it to the wedding in the first place. One man recently wrote on Reddit that he's been invited to his brother's wedding — and has even been asked to be the co-best man — but his wife wasn't invited at all. As a result, he wants to skip the entire thing.
It's pretty easy to understand why the man is upset about this snub, but it's not immediately clear what the problem with his wife is, until you keep reading.
"Me and my brother have a good relationship. My wife and his fiancée don't like each other.
“My brother’s fiancée has always been a bit childish and has never appropriately dealt with confrontation; she’s the type of person who can say rude things about others, but when something is said back she has a meltdown. She’s opinionated, needy, and can be a bit phony. If she doesn’t get her way she immediately goes into a bad mood.”
*These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
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It sounds like the man isn't super fond of his brother's wife, and that his wife definitely doesn't get along with her … and it turns out there's one event in everyone's shared history that made this all worse:
"A few years back my wife was suffering from depression. My brother's fiancée made a comment about one of my wife's family members. The comment was rude, but it wasn't personal or meant to offend. Fueled by uncontrolled emotions, my wife decided to tell her off, calling her out on her childishness and phony behavior. Both my wife and my brother's fiancée traded some harsh words, a few [expletives] were thrown around. I realize my wife was wrong to blow up and start the argument, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy that someone finally put my brother's fiancée in her place."
Somehow, the man and his brother escaped the argument unscathed:
"Luckily my relationship with my brother was not impacted. My wife got over the argument rather quickly, she didn't like my brother's fiancée, but wanted to be cordial for my sake. However, my brother's fiance refuses to move on."
This freeze-out has continued … and continued:
"My wife and my brother's fiancée would see each other at family gatherings, and at first would completely ignore each other. A few months passed and they would briefly converse with each other if required. A few more months passed and they could be in the same conversation within a group, but my brother's fiancée would purposely go out of her way not to include my wife. My wife would go out of her way to try to talk to my brother's fiancée but she would completely ignore her."
And it sounds like the divisions caused by the fight have almost been more emotionally damaging than the original argument:
"My brother's fiancée would show everyone in the room a photo but skip over my wife. My brother's fiancée would say bye to everyone when leaving, but not my wife. My brother's fiancée would invite me to their house for parties, but tell me my wife was not invited. I haven't attended a party or event at my brother's since."
Six months later, the man's wife tried to make amends in earnest:
"Half a year passed and my wife reached out to my brother's fiancée, asking if they could move past things so a rift wouldn't be created in the family. My brother's fiancée responded as expected, and said she wanted no part of making amends or my wife in her life."
Now his brother is finally getting married, and of course, the man has been asked to be part of the wedding:
"My brother had asked me to be a co-best man along with our other brother, which in the moment I obviously said yes. I recently received the wedding invitation, and as you guessed my wife was not invited. I was a bit shocked and saddened. My brother and his fiancée are set to be married in June and my wife told me I should go. I have no interest in attending knowing she is not welcomed."
So now he wants to know: Is it OK to skip his brother's wedding because his wife hasn't been invited? Most people say yes, but also think that he owes his brother a detailed explanation. While his brother obviously knows about the fighting between the two women, it'll probably still really hurt him if the man doesn't show up at all.
One person also suggested that the man and his wife play a little bit of mental volleyball:
"But why not call your brother and lay it out for him. Let's hope it's nothing more than he didn't handle the invites and doesn't know she was excluded.
“But regardless make it clear that without your wife at your side you can’t see it being likely for you to be able to attend. Your brother needs to get his fiancée to wind her neck in.
“Also you could just do the rsvp or/and text to the pair ‘thank you for the invite, the mrs and I look forward to being there on your special day’ Basically push the ball into their court.”
While the idea is funny, others definitely aren't into it:
"Don't play dumb and RSVP for both of you – passive aggression doesn't work. Call your brother and confirm it's meant that your wife is excluded directly, and hash this out before the wedding."
Another person agreed that the man is definitely not at fault, but also doesn't understand how this fight has continued to drag on:
"There is absolutely no way I would attend an event that my partner was left out of from spite. I don't even feel bad for your brother because he should put his foot down and insisted your wife be invited.
“Can’t you and your brother figure out a way to have the two of them hash this out? Enough is enough.”
Another agreed that honestly, it's time to just figure this out:
"This is one of those times that will set the future, so set out as you intend to continue. Will your wife not be invited to Xmas and other family functions if they host? If you let this go, they will think it's fine. Where is the rest of your family in this? The fiancée is making you choose between your brother and wife. You need to settle this with your brother."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
