Motherhood can be a lonely place. Friendships change after you have kids, stay-at-home moms have the majority of their conversations with their children, and it’s hard to find time for ourselves, let alone go out with friends.
Forbes reports: “Roughly one in five U.S. parents are either a stay-at-home mom or dad, according to the Pew Research Center. While working parents and stay-at-home parents both face their own unique challenges, stay-at-home moms are significantly more likely to experience worse physical and mental health than those who work, according to a study published in The Journal of Health and Social Behavior.”
Jennifer Whyte, Founder & CEO at MomieGo App, Inc tells LittleThings: “One of the key factors contributing to mom loneliness is the abrupt shift in our social lives when we become parents. It's like stepping onto a spaceship for the first time and being expected to run it without a manual. We're naturally social creatures, and we don't anticipate the isolation that can come with parenthood. The celebrations surrounding a new baby eventually subside, and everyone goes back to their own lives, while we find ourselves on a new kind of autopilot: feed baby, nap baby, clean baby. Repeat. We're so preoccupied with keeping our little ones alive and adapting to this new role that we don't realize our social world has changed until it hits us. The loneliness creeps in without us even noticing.”
New moms certainly can get hit hard with loneliness, but the feeling has no boundaries. “In recent years, we've observed that loneliness can persist and even intensify as children grow older and enter school,” says Whyte. “The demands of school-age children, combined with parents' busy schedules, can lead to less time for socializing. Additionally, factors like the pandemic have made it harder for parents to connect organically, further exacerbating feelings of isolation.”
Whyte shares six ways to navigate creating a village of parent friends:
1. Utilize Friend-Matching Apps: “One-on-one apps can friend-match based on shared interests and values. These apps help parents find friends with whom they can build authentic connections.”
2. Join a Private Women's Networking Club: “These are great when you're thinking about or ready to start a business. Find one that's geared towards moms, like The Club out of the Bay Area. There are moms from all over the country in this one.
3. Join Social Media Parenting Communities: “Platforms like Facebook have a private parent group in every city. These groups provide a forum for asking questions, sharing experiences, and making new friends. And they're really entertaining if nothing else!”
4. Participate in Parenting Classes: “Consider enrolling in parenting classes or workshops, especially if you're a new parent. These classes not only provide valuable information but also offer opportunities to meet other parents in a similar life stage.”
5. Volunteer: “If your child is in school, volunteering for school activities or community events is an excellent way to meet other parents who share your commitment to your children's education and well-being.”
6. Pursue Your Interests: “Invest time in your personal interests and hobbies. Whether it's joining a book club, a fitness class, or an art workshop, pursuing your passions can lead to meeting parents who share your interests.”
Introverts or moms on the shy side may experience a harder time stepping out of their comfort zone to initiate some of these friendship-building strategies. “My advice is to start small,” says Whyte. “Begin by attending smaller gatherings or one-on-one meetups instead of larger events, which can be intimidating. Focus on common interests when initiating conversations or planning activities, as this provides a natural conversation starter. One-on-one platforms offer a more controlled and less intimidating environment for initiating friendships, which can be a great way to ease into social interactions.”
Forming these authentic connections help boost mental health, too. Whyte notes some of the benefits:
Reduced Isolation: “Loneliness and isolation can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression. Having the support of a parent-friend outside of your nuclear family helps combat these feelings by providing regular social interactions and emotional support.”
Lowered Stress: “Parenting can be stressful, and having at least one parent-friend who understands your challenges alleviates stress, big time. You can share experiences, seek advice, and offer support to one another. You'll even find yourselves laughing at some of the things that seemed like a much bigger deal in your head.”
Validation and Understanding: “Knowing that you're not alone in your parenting struggles validates your experiences. Sharing your feelings with a parent-friend who can relate provides a sense of understanding and empathy.”
Boosted Self-Esteem: “Positive social interactions boost self-esteem and confidence. As you build meaningful connections and receive support from others, you may feel more capable and empowered as a parent.”
Coping Strategies: “A supportive parent-friend provides a safe space for sharing coping strategies and practical advice. Learning from each other’s experiences will help you both navigate challenges more effectively.”
Emotional Resilience: “Strong social connections foster emotional resilience, making it easier to bounce back from difficult situations. Knowing you have at least one safe parent-friends to lean on can make parenting feel less overwhelming.”
Preventive Mental Health Care: “By addressing feelings of loneliness and seeking social connections, parents can engage in preventative mental health care. Having at least one reliable parent-friend can reduce the risk of developing more severe mental health issues.”
While online connections can turn into meaningful friendships, Whyte encourages moms to use caution when initially meeting new people. “I always recommend setting up a video call with someone before meeting them in person for the first time,” says Whyte. And don’t forget to listen to your intuition. “If something doesn't feel right about a person or situation, trust your instincts,” says Whyte.
Remember, you’re not alone in your feelings. “Together, we can combat parent loneliness and create happier, healthier families around the world,” says Whyte.
