A 23-year-old sexual assault survivor, Daisy Coleman, has died by suicide. Daisy's mother, Melinda, shared the news of her daughter's tragic death on Facebook on Tuesday.
"My daughter Catherine Daisy Coleman committed suicide tonight," Melinda Coleman wrote. "If you saw crazy messages and posts it was because I called the police to check on her. She was my best friend and amazing daughter. I think she had to make make it seem like I could live without her. I can't. I wish I could have taken the pain from her! She never recovered from what those boys did to her and it's just not fair. My baby girl is gone."
Daisy became well-known in her community after her assault when she became an advocate for other survivors. But in her small town, her efforts weren't so warmly received. Daisy was bullied for being so outspoken, both online and in person.
Daisy was just 14 when she was sexually assaulted by Matthew Barnett, a teenage boy who lived in her same Missouri town. Barnett left her outside in subfreezing temperatures for hours. She was intoxicated and wearing only a T-shirt.
The felony sexual assault charge against Barnett was dropped. He pleaded guilty to a lesser charge, claiming the sexual encounter was consensual. Ultimately, he was sentenced with two years probation. Daisy suddenly had a world of criticism launched at her, both nationally and in her own town. The case was highly scrutinized, and she was bullied routinely as a result.
Daisy learned to stand up for herself, and she wanted other victims of sexual assault to be able to do the same. She began working for an organization called SafeBAE, which helps prevent sexual violence. In 2017, she told People about the work she was doing. "I definitely feel like people have certain views and perceptions about me and about cases like this because they're uneducated," she said. "That's exactly why I'm going out and trying to educate people on what's going on in our society."
SafeBAE has been sharing pictures of Daisy on Facebook. The organization also shared a beautiful sentiment about the wonderful young woman she was and the work she did, writing, "As all of our supporters know, Daisy has fought for many years to both heal from her assault and prevent future sexual violence among teens. She was our sister in this work and much of the driving force behind it."
The statement continues, "We are shattered and shocked by her passing from suicide. She had been in EMDR therapy for 2 years, working on her triggers and healing from the many traumas in her life. She had many coping demons and had been facing and overcoming them all, but as many of you know, healing is not a straight path or any easy one."
"She would want young survivors to know they are heard, they matter, they are loved, and there are places for them to get the help they need. And she would want everyone else – peer allies, educators, parents, legislators, religious leaders – to come together to help stop sexual violence and help save teen lives.
"As advocates we know survivors of sexual assault are 10 times more likely to attempt suicide than those who haven't experienced sexual assault, and that is why we will keep dedicating ourselves to this work in her legacy. There's no question that is what she would want."
Daisy's death is incredibly tragic. But as SafeBAE pointed out, victims of sexual assault have high rates of death by suicide. Even someone who is doing the hard work of healing, as Daisy was, and who works for an organization dedicated to helping others is not immune to the long-felt impacts of assault.
It's easy to see that Daisy was an incredibly resilient person and she also believed in forgiveness. She told People in 2017 that she had forgiven her abuser. "I honestly don't have any vindictive feelings toward him," she said. "I feel like all of that negativity that he put onto me was passed down to him at one point, so I felt the need to stop that kind of transaction of negativity and hate."
She also revealed a great deal about her struggles to free herself from the toxic cycle of emotions that follows so many victims. "I went through a lot of years of self-loathing and asking myself, Why me? So much 'woe is me,'" she said. "I just decided one day that I was done being negative about it. I needed to forgive myself for what happened."
In the end, Daisy couldn't free herself from those emotions completely. She succumbed to her pain this week. But in her death, the work she was doing for other survivors will continue to live on. The community she helped to build will likely be emboldened in the wake of her death, as they keep fighting to help survivors and stop sexual violence before it happens.
