Have you ever experienced that painful feeling that often comes after you’ve done about 30 minutes of mind-numbing small talk with another parent at one of your children’s social or sporting events?
It’s not just you. Sometimes as the years pass and your life revolves more and more around your kids, you can start to lose touch with people you truly connect with on an authentic level.
If you find yourself at a place where you’re tired of trying to vibe or make small talk that doesn’t go anywhere with the parents at your kid’s school or a work colleague you don’t quite mesh with, it’s time to make some new friends.
It may seem like quite the task to make friends as an adult, but we have a few tried-and-true tips that will help get you there as you try to find your people.
Here are some easy no-fail steps to making friends as an adult.
You know your friend’s friend you’ve always enjoyed? Don’t be shy about making a connection.
Sometimes those cherished lifelong friends we only manage to see a few times a year can be a treasure trove of fun and interesting people who are worth connecting with.
Most of us have been at a friend’s holiday dinner or even a child’s birthday party of a close friend and come across a nice person to talk to who didn’t make us feel awkward or annoying. Instead, they appeared to be just as into the conversation as we were.
Those people you naturally gravitate toward and have easy laughs with who end up in your circle by association can actually turn into good friends of your own.
The next time you’re getting together with the friend who led to this introduction, you could always ask them to have their friend come along for the fun. Or when you’re both at a function in the future, don’t be afraid to ask them for their information or to follow them on social media in order to keep in touch in the future.
There are always people out there we are naturally drawn to, so you might as well take advantage of your intuition and gut instinct and make the move for a new friend.
Volunteer for a cause or organization you believe in to meet like-minded individuals.
Whether you’ve been meaning to sign up to volunteer at your child’s school or have been wanting to take some shifts at your local food bank, volunteering not only makes us feel good and like we’re positively contributing to our community but also is a great way to meet new people.
Take a look online and see what causes and organizations are available in your area and on the hunt for new volunteers. Once you’ve narrowed it down to one or two choices, actually sign up for orientation or even an initial shift to take part in and volunteer your time, energy, and effort.
Give yourself a few weeks or months to feel comfortable in the role, but once you’re there and involved in the weekly activities, you’re very likely to come across friendly faces. Allow yourself to develop a natural rapport with other volunteers or shift supervisors and see if there’s something there that could move to a friendship level.
Once you’re there regularly, simply ask your new friend to grab a coffee or some lunch one day after your shift and just see where things go.
Join a book club, indoor soccer league, or pottery class to meet new people.
When it comes to your interests and hobbies, there are always going to be people around you who also enjoy those same things that you can connect with on a deeper level.
If you have one friend who’s always reading the same books as you, ask them to reach out to one of their friends you don’t know and for them to do the same and you can form your own little book club.
Or check in with your community center and see if they have any indoor house soccer leagues during the colder months that are looking for players. It can be a really cool thing to bond with a team of people who are new to you as you make memories that can carry over into long-lasting friendships.
Or if you’re really into watercolors or pottery but have never given yourself permission to spend the extra time or money on taking classes, this is the time to sign up. It can feel really easy to talk to strangers when you have a built-in subject that will almost always lead to other conversations in which you get to learn about each other.
That person who always likes and responds to your Instagram stories? Ask them to hang out.
Are you someone who always has one of those cheerleader-type people whom you met once or know through a friend or work who continually comments or makes you feel seen on social media, but you’ve never actually hung out more than once in person?
If that’s the case and you’re in close proximity to one another — and you know it’s a safe situation — why not use social media to allow the friendship to develop further?
When they post on their stories, you could ask them questions about a restaurant they went to or if they’d recommend a specific movie or television show. If you see that they recently went on vacation, ask them how the resort was or if it catered well to children.
From there, you’ll likely find yourself being in regular contact with someone friendly and hopefully genuine whom you enjoy talking with, so it has the potential to turn into a real-life connection where you can hang out in person and have fun together.
