There's an old stereotype about the hapless dad — you know the one. The guy who can't seem to handle working a job and raising a family at the same time — the guy who just falls to pieces the second he's expected to do anything that pertains to his children or his home. While there are surely still plenty of men and dads who fit this trope, it's also one that feels like it's on the way out.
This is largely due to the fact that more men are stepping up as fathers and homemakers. More couples than ever before are splitting parenting duties, either by choice or by circumstance.
One dad recently shared on Reddit that due to circumstances, he spent several months last year parenting his children alone while his wife was out of the country. It didn't start out great, but he quickly adapted. Unfortunately, his wife has been telling their friends that he had no idea what to do without her.
They made a deal.
The dad kicks things off by explaining that he and his wife have a deal they agreed on: He works outside the home, and she stays home with their two children:
"When my wife and I got married, we were both working. Once our first child was born, she wanted to quit (completely her decision).
"I started working more to compensate and she started taking care of the house and the kid. I am a pretty clean person and I help whenever I could or if she asked. I am an involved parent. The we had another kid and I started working even more."
She went out of town for what was supposed to be a short trip.
His wife took a trip to visit her parents at the end of 2019, fully planning to return after a few weeks:
"At the end of 2019, my wife flew to her home country to visit her parents. Airports were shut down and all the flights were cancelled before she could come back.
"There was a lot of red tape to unravel here and we couldn't get her back home until May."
But he felt like he could handle it.
While the situation wasn't desirable, the dad says that he was more than capable of taking over, so he did:
"Like I said, the only reason I didn't do household works was because I was working too much and I discussed that with my wife and she was also ok with taking care of the household. I have lived alone for several years and until she quit her job I always did my share of everything. I am pretty far from helpless."
It was tough ... at first.
Like a lot of parents who found themselves unexpectedly working from home, it took some adjusting:
"At first, I freaked out a little as I couldn't WFH and I had kids (7M and 2F) to take care of. In the end, I figured it out. I was stretched a little thing but it was nothing unmanageable."
She finally came back in May 2020.
After months, his wife was finally able to come home, and everyone was thrilled:
"My wife came back home in the beginning of May 2020. She was very happy to be home and we were all happy to have her back. There didn't seem to be any problem."
But it turns out she's been lying.
But things took a turn when the man realized his wife has been telling friends that he had no idea what to do without her:
"Few weeks ago, we have having dinner at our house with one of our couple friends when my wife told them that I was miserable without her, that the kids were miserable, that the house was a disaster, that she had so much stuff to clean up etc. She basically said that I was helpless without her and that I couldn't take care of anything while she was gone."
So he pushed back.
The man didn't want to let this stand, especially since it wasn't true. So he gently pushed back:
"I kinda chuckled awkwardly. I told her that the kids and I were definitely miserable sometimes because we missed her but nothing other than that was true."
"I told her not to lie about me or my ability take care of the kids."
His wife got MAD.
His wife got angry and said that he should have just played along. After talking it out, she told him that it made her feel bad that he was able to do everything himself:
"After dinner, she was extremely mad at me and told that I was a jerk and that I should have just played along. She told me that she felt awful that I could manage everything without her and she felt that [we] didn't need her and that she was insignificant."
"I obviously tried to tell her that it wasn't the case but she kept yelling at me and made me sleep on the couch."
The dad isn't backing down.
But the thing is … the dad isn't wrong. His wife shouldn't lie about his abilities just because she's sad:
"Here is the thing. Just because she isn't employed doesn't mean she can't work/doesn't know how to work. Similarly, just because I don't do things now doesn't mean I can't do it.
"I think it's demeaning to have me pretend that I am a man child who has to be babied / doesn't know how to do basic things / cannot take care of my own children just so that she can feel better about herself. I don't think it right to portray me as an incompetent person because she feels insecure."
Who is wrong here?
Now he wants Reddit to weigh in: Who's wrong?
People have responded in a major way: His wife needs to get it together. One commenter noted, "You were basically a single dad for a few months – that's not an easy task. She should be gloating non-stop about you, not tearing you down."
However, mom guilt is a real thing.
One person agreed, but also pointed out that his wife is probably feeling some major mom guilt:
"While what you're saying is true, there is a deeper thing going on here.
"The wife knows all of this is true.
"But— 'mom guilt' is a thing. I cannot imagine how guilty, and low his wife feels about all of it."
One person even offered some pretty amazing advice.
"You have received some very important information here from your wife. She feels unnecessary and insignificant to your family. Don't get caught up in the 'who was right at the dinner party' sideshow (you were, you were right), because it doesn't matter. SHE FEELS INSIGNIFICANT IN YOUR FAMILY. Don't let this slide by. Do you wanna lose a wife? Because that's how you lose a wife."
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
