Changing your last name is a complicated thing. Many women agree to do it when they get married, not realizing what a process it can be. So imagine after going through all of that, your marriage doesn't work. Are you really going to do it all over again to change it back?
Of course, it depends on the situation. People with children often don't change their names back for the sake of sharing that identity with their kids. That was among the reasons one woman on Reddit decided to keep her ex-husband's last name.
Her ex didn't have a problem with it until some time had passed and he decided to marry someone else. The Redditor revealed that her ex's new fiancée wasn't interested in sharing the title of Mrs. X with OP (the original poster). Her fit about it made OP even more reluctant to make the change. She asked the good people of Reddit if she was in the wrong, and they had some very creative solutions to offer her.
Getting divorced comes with a lot of complications, especially when you have kids. There are a lot of changes that happen, so sometimes the unimportant ones get pushed to the backburner. As one mom explained on Reddit, she had a few reasons not to change her name back after her divorce.
"When I (24F) married my now-exhusband (25M), I took his last name. We have two children together, both of which have our last name. We got divorced, and I didn't want to change my name because I happen to like matching my kids, and also this name sounds better than my pre-marriage name," she noted.
A call from her ex turned the last-name situation, once a total nonfactor, into a pressing situation:
"He called me like a month ago to tell me he's getting married to his girlfriend. Awesome. Congrats to them! But then he said she doesn't want to share the last name with me, and he wants me to change it."
To give this guy what is frankly the only credit he's likely to receive, he did offer to cover expenses. Still, OP's feelings on the issue hadn't changed:
"My reasons for keeping this name are the same as they were when we originally got divorced. I don't want to change it. I told him no, and he accepted that."
Sounds like the end of that conversation, right? Right?
Wrong! The new fiancée decided to try handling matters herself.
"Then his partner called me the next day and literally yelled in my ear about how I'm not entitled to the last name anymore, how it should be hers now and I need to let go of my attachment to my ex because he 'totally hates me,'" OP shared.
"Also, she doesn't want her future kids to share a last name with me. So now I've added 'Because I'm a petty [expletive]' to the reason I don't want to change my name, but that wasn't the original reason. It's just, like, a bonus?"
At this point, OP let us know this wasn't an amicable breakup and that she was really on her best behavior, all things considered.
"For informational purposes: I hate my ex. He cheated on me and was generally an [expletive]. We were married for just over a year, the two kids are twins. I am not attached to the name because I am attached to him," she clarified.
"The last name isn't as common as Jones, but it's not Schwarzenegger either. Plenty of people will have this last name, whether they're married to my ex or not. Oh, and it's not tied to any big, important or particularly rich families, and neither of us gain social standing or clout by taking it."
OP recognized that many people would argue that having the same last name as your kids isn't a big deal. She shared her perspective on the situation.
"And for those who don't have kids, let me explain why keeping my name is important: I will always be referred to as Mrs. Child's Last Name, right off the bat. Correcting people is an annoyance I don't need or want," she leveled.
A lot of those who responded encouraged OP to change both her last name and her kids'. After getting the suggestion so many times, she got honest about why that wouldn't be happening.
"For those suggesting I change my name and the kids to my pre-marriage name: my former surname was Hoar. It's pronounced how you think," she said.
"I'm never going back to that."
Many people suggested that if her ex was so insistent on a name change, that OP change her and the kids' last names to something else entirely.
"This issue seems to come up a lot. Perhaps you could counter by suggesting changing both your name and the children's to another name of your choosing if it's so important to them. See how your ex like losing that connection to his children since he has no problem asking that of you," one commenter wrote.
Alternatively, some suggested her ex take his fiancée's name. After all, the two people raising the issue are also the two people who wouldn't have to actually do anything to change the situation. Seems unfair, and all the options should be explored.
Everyone was pretty much in agreement that OP shouldn't change anything. In fact, they thought that she should maybe stick it to the new wife for being a pain.
"I'd be the kinda petty after they threw this fit to address everything to her as Mrs (name) II and keep it the same even if I got married again later," one person suggested.
"I like your style," OP replied.
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
