The holidays can bring up a lot of tough issues and concerns for a lot of people. For some of us, those issues and concerns are about food … which is definitely hard to avoid on days like Thanksgiving and Christmas.
One mom recently shared on Reddit that her teen son has been battling an eating disorder for months, but the family just found out about it. They're all working together to help keep him healthy and safe, and the mom wanted to make sure that everyone remembered that at this year's Thanksgiving celebration.
She shared that their meal was pretty small, with only close family members present … but her sister went out of her way to trigger her son.
First, she gave a little information about what her son has been going through:
"My son (16) was recently diagnosed with an eating disorder. It was something that had been going on for months but no one picked up on it. Since being diagnosed he has not left the house except to go to emergency doctor appointments or for some fresh air. Because of his currently fragile state, he has to be watched a lot, have his meals weighed and measured (by his newly referred dietician) and he is not allowed to exercise, which is killing him as that was his favourite thing to do. Before [the virus], he used to go for runs and his high school gym with his friends and the fact that he can’t now is very upsetting to him."
Now the whole family is working together to help him, and they knew Thanksgiving would be tough:
"Since his diagnosis, we have had to be very careful about what we as a family say and do. Obviously with thanksgiving coming up, we knew it would be extra hard for him. For dinners every year, we would make a big deal about the food and family and friends but with [the virus] we limited it to our family (me, my husband and my son) my parents and my sister who lives by herself."
The mom also shared that her sister, the boy's aunt, has made a lifestyle change this year:
"My sister is VERY socially conscious and decided to become vegan during quarantine. She openly talks about how much better she feels about it and basically talks bad about what other people eat if it’s not vegan."
The mom asked her son if she could tell the rest of the family about his diagnosis so everyone would be on the same page:
"With the diagnosis and my sons consent, we told our family what was happening and made it very clear not to talk about food in any context, including veganism. Everyone was super supportive, and my sister asked if she found still bring her own vegan food. I said yes, provided she doesn’t make a big deal about it being vegan and her own lifestyle choices."
They made it all the way to Thanksgiving, and everything was going well … until it just wasn't:
"Everything was going well until dinner. I brought my son his food and we had a happy dinner until my sister brought up how her tofu was better then the turkey my son was eating. We all gave her sharp eyes, and she then went on to say that there was nothing wrong with eating turkey but tofu would make her feel less tired and stuffed after. Although my son tried to put on a brave face, he ended up running to his room and having a panic attack."
The mom ended up having her sister leave, and the rest of the family is divided as a result:
"I was so upset with my sister that right after dinner I told her to leave. She didn't respect my wishes or her nephews needs and for that she wasn't welcome. I packed up her stuff and told her to go, and we spent the rest of the night with lots of tension. My father claimed I was harsh and my mother didn't say anything but my husband agrees with my action."
People immediately reassured the mom she did nothing wrong.
"Please know you did the right thing for your son," one commenter said. "I struggled alone for nearly a decade because nobody thought such a young kid would be troubled like that. Your son could have gone down the same path because male eating disorders often get ignored by doctors and families. But you care! And I thank the stars for that!"
Another person pointed out that the aunt didn't have a hard task in front of her:
"What you told her to do wasn't that difficult, just keep her mouth shut about food and she couldn't even do that for one day. You did the right thing kicking her out and not tolerating that behaviour. Hope your son is alright now."
All the aunt had to do was … exactly the opposite of what she did.
"You gave clear boundaries to your sister," said a commenter. "She chose to ignore them. She's an adult responsible for her actions."
The mom even rejoined the thread to share that her sister is really into her new lifestyle, but apparently couldn't let that go for just one night:
"She just feels very proud of her decision and I was really hoping for one night she could put aside her views. I'm just upset that it came to this."
Ultimately, the mom did what she had to for her son, and that's what counts:
"It's been very recent and even the idea of a holiday around food was hard for him. But he's been and has been handling it very well considering everything going on. But he made it through the day and that’s what really matters."
