Relationships between in-laws are notoriously contentious. This isn't always the case, but it seems that more often than not, there are a lot of issues that arise when two families try to come together. One woman is battling two of her in-laws at once: Her mother-in-law and brother-in-law are all trying to convince the woman's mother to move out of her own home so they can have it.
If it sounds confusing, that's because it is. The woman explains to the Reddit community that the problems began after her father died six years ago:
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"When my (34f) father passed away 6 years ago, we were very well off, so my mom, brothers (29, 26) and I ended up inheriting a lot. My brothers live abroad and didn't want the hassle of dealing with the properties so they signed their shares over to me."
It sounds like she's made some good choices.
She explains that she and her family members came up with a plan that worked for them:
"After discussing with them, I sold off all the properties except for a 1 BHK in an area that is at the outskirts of the city. That apartment was being occupied by a long time employee of our family business and we let them live there for free."
Like, *really* good choices!
The woman also decided to buy two nice flats for herself and her mom:
"With my money and some of the 'family money' I bought 2 flats (3 bed, 3 bath) in a really nice building. It's got amazing security, a gym, a terrace garden and a swimming pool and is in a really nice location. I took one flat and my mom lives in the other."
She really just wants to take care of her mom.
She says that she and her brothers really want to provide for their mom:
"We are really close to our mom and she's a super chill lady who has been the best mom we could have asked for. Our dad was very controlling and made her miserable so we are determined to do whatever we can to really let her enjoy her life now."
Enter the problematic in-laws.
Everything seemed like it was fine until the woman got married. It seems that for starters, her husband's family expected her to be a different kind of wife:
"Now the issue- my husband (36) and I have been married for 3 years. He moved into my flat because his parents and brother live in a 2 br flat and we would have no space. Plus my MIL is not a fan of how I'm not subservient to my husband and am independent and run my own business, so we felt the space would be better."
This situation is ... something else.
Now her brother-in-law is getting married and seems to think he's entitled to the flat the woman's mother lives in:
"Now 2 things have happened. My BIL (38) has gotten engaged and our long time employee has retired and is moving back to his hometown, which means that his flat is going to be empty. I guess husband mentioned it to my BIL who is now saying that I should move my mother into the 1 br and let them (FIL,MIL, BIL and FSIL) move into my mother's flat. I refused. At most, I could probably let BIL move into the 1 br flat, but he doesn't want it because it's so far away from the city."
Her in-laws ended up going behind her back.
Her in-laws weren't happy with her refusal, so they went behind her back:
"Well, my MIL and BIL didn't like that I said no so they went behind my back and asked my mom if she would move. My mom is a sweet lady and she didn't want me to have issues with the in-laws so she told me that she would be okay with moving."
The woman planned to try to work out the issue until she heard what her in-laws were saying about her:
"I was fuming mad and I told my brothers and they agreed that they would not want my mom to move. I was going to politely tell them no, but when they came over, I heard my MIL and BIL tell me husband that he was 'not a man' and how could he not support his family. That I was a controlling [expletive] and my mom was just a widow and didn't need much in life any way."
They also went after her mom!
"She should be grieving and not enjoying luxuries. I lost my [expletive] and yelled at them to keep their paws off my mother's house and to get out of mine too."
Now pretty much everyone is mad.
Her husband agrees with her, but he's upset that she yelled at his family:
"My husband agreed that they were really rude and horrid, but also said that I shouldn't have yelled at his mother and that he was trying to sort this amicably. I was still pissed and told him I wanted nothing to do with people who spoke about me and my mom this way."
So she wants to know: Who messed up here?
Now she wants to know: Who is really the problem here?
People think the in-laws are definitely out of line, but they have varied ideas for how the woman should deal with it. One commenter stressed that the woman and her husband need to be united.
Spoiler: It's not her.
"Key part in this is to let your husband handle it. Not because you can't or you're the woman, but because it's his family. He doesn’t have the right to kick your mom out of a flat that he doesn't own, and his relatives should butt out, and he needs to be the one to stand up to them. Otherwise, you'll be dealing with this forever. They'll see him as the easy guy to get around you."
And there's more to the story.
The woman also provided more details, adding that her in-laws aren't doing well at all:
"My FIL is retired so only gets a small pension. My BIL hasn't been working for a few years now since the company he founded went bust, so my husband and I support them financially. We also now will have to pay for his wedding, which I was fine with because Hubs and I are doing really well."
Commenters were completely blown away by this revelation. One person said:
"Your in-laws are unbelievably entitled and callous. You and your husband need to stop supporting them or they will just keep expecting more. I saw in a comment you are paying for bil’s wedding while he doesn’t even work. That’s just … something else. I hate to say it but it sound like you guys are really enabling his laziness."
Another person told the woman the in-laws are the problem, and they probably won't stop here:
"The ILs are going to make the breakup of your marriage their new mission in life, and if stories on reddit are any indication, they have a good chance of succeeding."
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