Giving and receiving gifts is a big part of the holiday season for a lot of people. Unfortunately, not everyone is great at picking out gifts for their loves ones. There are a lot of reasons for this! Sometimes someone is just hard to buy for, because they buy themselves what they want. Other times, you might find that you've been tasked with picking out a gift for someone you don't know very well.
But still other times … people might just be plain bad at picking out gifts. One woman recently shared on Reddit that her entire family — including her parents, friends, and even her husband — are awful at getting gifts for her. This year, she's decided she's done.
In fact, she's so done that she told everyone she's sending their gifts back this year. As you might expect, they aren't super happy about this.
She begins by explaining that she's a thoughtful gift giver.
The woman kicks things off by explaining that she puts a lot into the gifts she gives others:
"I try to not be spoiled but my whole life I haven't felt thought of in the gifts I receive. I never show it and always act thankful to be polite. The gifts I give other’s are always personalized if I haven't been asked for specific items. I listen and use their hobbies and interests to make sure they’re a hit. One of my favorite things was the shot of euphoria when they opened their present and were speechless."
So she expects to receive the same kind of thought.
Unfortunately, she says her loved ones don't put the same care into the gifts they give her:
"Then it comes time for me to open gifts and it's a generic set of headphones much worse than the ones I own in colours I hate. A face wash and candle set I can never use with sensitive skin and allergies. A mug with a weird meme on it that is no inside joke between us that won't fit in my cabinet with a matching set already inside."
It honestly just makes her feel bad.
A lifetime of receiving gifts that don't feel thoughtful makes her feel like a coworker, not a loved one:
"I'm tired of feeling like the coworker you don't know that you picked for office Secret Santa. I stopped hoping they finally listened or got me something from a list I specifically gave in case they couldn't be arsed to put thought and effort into it."
Her loved ones LOVE the gifts she gives them.
To make things worse, people really love the gifts she gives them:
"I can't think of a gift I've received that wasn't donated or stuffed in a box in storage, yet every gift I've given others is still on display, used, talked about, or complimented when seen. Why don't I deserve that effort? My friends are so great in every other way, My DH loves me endlessly and there’s no other area I feel we’re lacking, so why don’t they try and get me something from my interests? Why am I unwrapping a clearance tea set when I'm a coffee drinker?"
She was hoping this year would be different.
Everyone sent out their holiday lists this year, and the woman was hopeful that this year, at least her husband would get something she'd love:
"We all sent out lists again weeks back and my DH said he was already done his shopping and excited to wrap my gifts! I was hopeful this time he got something from my list."
Unfortunately ...
It seems like her husband is doing the same thing he always does:
"While tidying I found a stash with candy, a pair of cheap slippers in a pattern I'd never wear, a makeup travel bag with a tacky slogan 'Slay all Day' on it (I despise quotes on anything and it’s well known) and a pair of gloves."
"I just felt….. deflated. I felt sunken in on myself. I realized I'd never get the joy of opening a gift and being blown away by its thoughtfulness. I cracked."
She decided to take action.
The woman decided to take decisive action: She sent everything back. She basically canceled Christmas:
"I told everyone I wasn't doing gifts this year and to return anything they got me because I didn't have the money and wanted to be fair. It's true. I don't have the money to waste $1,000+ on personalized gifts for everyone just to feel disappointment. I cancelled all my orders, returned all the items I got and bought things off my own list using those funds. I wrapped them and put them under the tree to me from me."
Everyone is mad and hurt.
Her family members are all upset about her choice, but she's sticking to her plan to buy her own gifts for herself:
"I think they're just mad they aren't going to get gifts from me this year that they boast about and post online and get tons of comments about how cool it is. This year I'm getting what I want, and going forward this may even be my tradition forever so I finally get things I'd like."
She clarified that she's not a total monster.
The woman clarified a few key points:
- "All I said to my family was that I wouldn't be participating in gift exchange this year due to my budget. I didn't mention that it's because I don't like their gifts.
- "No one knows about the gifts I got myself or will see them except my husband.
- "While I did return everyone’s gifts this year, that does exclude all my husband's. I usually get him quite a few but I cancelled about half of them. He'll still get 5-7 or so, and I made sure I didn't get myself more than I got him to unwrap."
She came to Reddit for advice, and they gave it.
The woman really wants to know if she's being a jerk by returning her family's gifts. Most people agreed with her, because they've been there. One commenter said:
"I actually know exactly what you mean, because I feel pretty much the same way. I really try very hard to select gifts that will please the receiver, but it seems that no one else bothers. Since you've told everyone else that you're not gifting this year, it seems fair."
In fact, *a lot* of people can relate.
"Last year my mom got me a bunch of clothes I don't care for and one pair of leggings in a size 2 (not a size 2 or close to it)," said a commenter. "Another year she got me 4 packages of Earl Grey tea (my least favorite kind of tea). This year in the gift exchange app, I put restrictions so she can't be my secret Santa."
One person says this is how it should be:
"I feel like when it comes to gifts you should be honest if you don't like it. People closest to me respect it and always kept receipts so I could exchange it. Other people see it as ungrateful.
"The ones that see it as ungrateful are the ones that think their clearance sale candles are the perfect gift for me because I'm so hard to get gifts for."
One person pointed out that the woman is the common denominator.
However, one person did ask a great question: If what all these people have in common is this woman, what kind of gifts does she want? Is she contributing to the problem?
She says that she's definitely thought about it.
And here's what she wants.
"I always get the sense the gifts I'm given are random things picked up with 'this could be gifted to someone for Christmas' in mind, but never aimed towards me.
"I wouldn't even mind a mug if it had something on it towards an interest of mine. Even a fluffy blanket would be nice for when I'm reading. A bookmark? Fancy coffees? Nail polish – everyone knows I'm obsessed with nail art. A nice journal, a plant, art work by this local artist I love and display everywhere, books, sea shells, crochet stuff. Anything merch from any media I enjoy. Baked goods made from scratch would feel so loving."
Ultimately, it comes down to this:
"I just want to feel like my gift had me in mind."
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