This 2014 Gift Guide For Billionaires Is Unbelievably Extravagant

A cloth collar simply won’t do for the billionaire man’s best friend – or for any pooch associated with Paris Hilton. For a holiday upgrade, drape your dog in decadent diamonds with the Amour Amour dog collar. A few million is nothing compared to the luxury dog beach house you’re planning for his birthday, after all.

If you’re stumped on what to get for your nautical enthusiast buddy club, a relaxing getaway on Roman Abramovich’s Eclipse Mega Yacht is a lovely way to show you care. Sure, it’s a little tacky to do rentals for gifts, but so is that loud Hermes scarf his wife always wears to the yacht club.

Are there home and garden enthusiasts in your life who take great pride in the work they’ve done on their yards (ok, fine: the work their gardener has done on their yards)? Fancy up their already impeccable landscaping with dancing fountains from WET. The same company responsible for the Las Vegas Bellagio’s fountains will add personalized water choreography to a personal estate, which much be quite large (of course).

Have a friend who will be vacationing in St. Barths this January? Oh right: all of them. Help your sunning compadres keep out the golden rays with even shinier golden sunglasses by Dolce & Gabanna.

Treat your dancing partner or resident Cinderella to a pair of sparkly stilettos by designer Christopher Michael Shellis. These diamond encrusted Borgezie heels will make the ultimate statement: even my feet are rich.

Show that annoying neighbor that he's out of this world – or rather send him out of this world with a ticket on Virgin Galactic. Sure, the Richard Branson-owned consumer space fleet has yet to take off, but this investment will give you guaranteed peace and quiet in the (hopefully near) future.

Camping is for commoners, that much is certain, but GLAMping is perhaps more up your alley. Or at least your young children's alley. Upgrade their tree fort condo to a lavish tent with an impressive interior. There's even a crystal chandelier – much better than the tent that haunts your nightmares. $5,000 of each purchase goes to breast cancer research, so it's just about the most charitable gift on your list this year.

Hailed as the most expensive razor in the world, the special edition Zafirro razor trades up from standard stainless steel blades to artificial sapphire. There is no better way to welcome your son, an up and coming billionaire no doubt, to the world of a real man's shave.

Your stock broker has done quite well for you, and she's more like a daughter to you these days. Although her commission more than compensates her for her hard work, a small token of appreciation is always nice around the holidays. With a gold, sapphire-encrusted pen from Jack Row's Jaali collection, she will be able to sign all of your important documents in style.

For the jet-setting man in your life, upgrade his carry-on with a travel sized Dandy Trunk by T.T. Trunks. The self-proclaimed "male hedonist" carry all comes with a cigar case, a poker set and a set of glasses for whatever fine scotch he may be sipping. The trunk is built to charge devices, and comes with a built-in Sonos speaker for the ultimate inflight entertainment.

The kids grow up so fast, and your oldest billionaire-in-training is already off at your Boston alma mater! Give her an Alligator Backpack from Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's The Row line to tote her books from class to her luxury Back Bay apartment. Sigh. It won't be long before you're buying her first alligator briefcase.

Diamonds on the soles of your shoes are so last century. Instead, treat the sneaker head in your life to gold shoelaces by Mr. Kennedy. Sure, the price tag is a bit over most people's shoe string budgets, but the security guard that delivers and even laces them up is simply invaluable. Act quickly, though, because these shoelaces are very limited edition: only 10 will be produced.

What better follow up to last year’s Birkin bag than a Hermes bicycle for your teenage niece? The luxury bike has a Spanish white carbon frame for durability, and taurillon leatherwork for comfort. The sweet ride also includes back lighting to keep the apple of your eye safe.

Your father-in-law is a tough man to please, but the world’s most expensive cufflinks from Fonderie 47 should do the trick. These Roland Iten designed white gold and steel accessories are created from AK-47 rifles retrieved from Africa, and each purchase enables the destruction of 45 of these rifles.

In addition to your paperboy’s generous tip, give him a vehicle on which to deliver the news even faster. A designer Louis Vuitton Skateboard will have the industrious young man looking stylish, even when he comes bearing bad news.

Your golf buddies will get a kick out of a 19th hole private scotch tasting from Johnnie Walker. The session includes five premium scotch samples, an event planner to put it together, and even a bagpiper to set the right tone. The tasting is for up to 20, so even the caddies can have a sip!

Dear old dad may scoff at your "frivolous" purchases, but you’ll win him over this year with an Asprey chess set. Its bespoke London lineage will impress even the stodgiest of parents, and he might even let you win a game this holiday season.

What a struggle it is to find a gift for the boss. Oh, wait, that’s right: you are the boss! Treat yourself to some holiday cheer with an elegant reserve gin from Nolet. Just remember: enjoy this limited edition sipping gin shaken, not stirred.

Finish up your spouse’s gift with a stocking stuffer dinner reservation to match the European luxury vacation you have planned. Stockholm’s finest restaurant will be hosting twelve dinners in 2015, starting in March. Seating is limited to 8 people per dinner, so make your reservation now. Airfare not included (that’s what your private jet is for).

Stumped for what to get for your office’s White Elephant? 3D glasses by Calvin Klein are the perfect reasonably priced gag gift. After everyone is done raving about what a hoot you are at office parties, they’ll be thrilled to discover that your gift can be used for both 3D films and as regular sunglasses!