When two married parents divorce, there are a lot of things to figure out. High at the top of that list is where the children they have together will live, how much time the children will spend with each parent, and whether or not one parent or the other will owe child support.
One dad recently shared on Reddit that he's thinking of making some major changes that could really benefit his kids, but he's also hoping that those changes will lower his child support payments.
He kicked things off by explaining the terms of their divorce.
"My (36m) ex-wife (35f) have 2 kids (7f) and (6m)," he began. "We have been divorced for 3 years now and we are both happily remarried. We were bad spouses, but are now decent friend and both good parents.
"My ex-wife has primary custody but currently I get them every other weekend and 2-3 evenings a week. It also helps that my wife (38f) and I live just a few miles away in the next town."
He also opened up about his current situation.
"Since the divorce, my ex-wife has been a SAHM and her husband (36m) has a good job making ~$120k.
"I have a good job and make ~$150k/year but my wife has always been the breadwinner and recently received a sizable promotion/raise up to $280k/year."
He and his wife recently hatched a new plan.
"I've always wanted to go back to school, but with my work schedule I was never able to do it. My wife and I have been talking and she thinks I should quit my job, go back to school, and be a house husband. She already made the joke about getting me a French maid outfit… hahaha. Seriously though, this would allow us to spend more time with my kids too."
In a lot of ways, the plan makes sense.
"We've been going over this for a few weeks know talking though how it would reduce our income, retirement savings, how it would effect our marriage, etc.," he continued. "We also talked about how we could logistically do it with the kids too. Luckily since we live close to my kids school, it should be easy for me to school drop offs and pick ups so I could do a 50/50 arrangement."
But ... he kind of wants to get out of child support, too.
"Here's my concern. Since my ex-wife was a SAHM and I kept working, I have been paying her $2,000/month. If I quit my job and went 50/50 on custody, I think it would be fair to go back to court to get the child support reduced to zero since neither of us would be working and we would be 50/50."
His ex-wife is against the idea and thinks he's selfish.
"I talked to my ex-wife about this and at first she was onboard until I brought up child support," he explained. "She blew up calling me selfish for only thinking about myself and that since I have a good job, I need to keep it. I didn't want to get into a fight with her so I hung up, but now I'm second guessing everything."
Now he wants to know: Is he the problem here?
People think he needs to slow down.
As one commenter said: "[I] Suggest you actually speak to a lawyer about whether this is realistic before you quit your job."
But not everyone sees an issue.
Some commenters aren't sure why the stepparents would support this plan, but one person gets it:
"I'm a step-parent, and were my finances in order the way OP & his current wife appear to be, I would have no problem supporting my stepson. It also helps for me that I have a stepfather who supported my mother and my siblings similarly, so the modeling was in place for me. Marriage is a partnership, and entering a relationship with someone who has littles isn't always easy. You have to understand that the welfare of the children will always be a priority. Seems to me that both bio parents have been fortunate to find caring, compassionate partners, which is fantastic for the littles involved."
He might also need to brush up on his legal knowledge.
"If you’re in the US, child support obligations (which legally belong to the child so you and your spouse can’t really bargain them away on a child’s behalf even if you both agree to it) can be modified if there’s a significant change in circumstances suffered by one parent," said a commenter. "But if that significant change is a voluntary change of employment that results in a reduction of income, that voluntary move isn’t considered evidence of a significant change. Courts won’t modify child support obligations if you voluntarily start making less money."
Custody arrangements also tend to change as kids grow up.
"There comes a point when custody is actually at the kids discretion," said a commenter. "Once the kids are old enough to take a bus, as long as the parents remain close to each other, kids just start going to whichever home they want. No custody arrangement is sustainable in the long term, things always have to be swapped and adjusted as kids grow up."
Also, his support payments could go down just by changing the custody arrangement.
"It’s not the quitting that will get him out of it but the 50/50 custody. Where I’m from if you split custody 50/50 there usually isn’t child support from either parent. Which makes sense – you’re each contributing the same amount of care so the expenses should be even."
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