Dad Tells Ex-Wife She Can’t Take Their Daughter To Europe Unless She Takes Her Stepsister

This mom took to Reddit with an irritating dilemma after telling her ex her plans to take their daughter on vacation.

"I was formerly married to 'Steve' and we had a daughter, 'Rebecca.' When Rebecca was six, Steve left me for 'Carrie,' the mom of one of Rebecca's school friends, 'Lisa,'" OP explained.

"Steve married Carrie and they now have two kids of their own. I got remarried to 'Joe,' who had no kids."

"Steve and I share custody of Rebecca and Carrie has full custody of Lisa, so the girls live together half of the time. Rebecca, who is now 14, loves her siblings but doesn't really like Lisa very much. They have little in common and Rebecca says that Lisa is frequently rude to her and her friends," they continued.

"Joe and I both work full time and are comfortable, although not wealthy. Carrie is a SAHM who gets no child support from her ex and she and Steve can afford the basics but don't have a lot of extra money for nonessentials."

"Joe and I have been saving for a few years and now have enough money to take Rebecca to Italy, a place she has always wanted to visit. We are tentatively planning the trip for next spring," OP noted.

"Rebecca was extremely excited to hear about the trip and mentioned it when she was [at] Steve's last week."

Here's where OP's ex struggles to handle this information. "Long story short, I got an e-mail from Steve and Carrie insisting that we also take Lisa on the trip. They said they are 'basically sisters' and that it's not fair for Rebecca to get to go if Lisa can't," OP revealed.

"They also said flat out that they could scrape together the money for a plane ticket but not much else, so they expect Joe and me, who are 'childless,' to cover Lisa's hotel and incidental expenses."

OP decided to talk to her daughter about the situation and see where she stood. "I asked Rebecca if she wanted Lisa to come, and she said absolutely not. I emailed Steve back and said that I was sorry, but that I wasn't prepared to take Lisa and that was that," she continued.

"Carrie sent back an email calling me cruel and selfish, and saying that it wasn't Lisa's fault that her parents didn't have as much money as Joe and I. She said she had looked at pricing and it wouldn't cost us 'that much extra' to bring Lisa along."

As if this wasn't a tense-enough situation, Steve decided to get more people involved. "When it became clear that I wasn't going to relent, Steve called his parents, who consider Lisa one of their grandkids, and they are now also pressuring me to take Lisa with us and offering to 'chip in some money' to defray the extra costs," she said.

"Given what they are prepared to contribute, Joe and I figure it would cost us between $500 and $1000 extra to bring Lisa on the trip. To be honest, we could probably afford it, but Rebecca doesn't want her to go, and frankly I don't see why Joe and I should be expected to take her."

OP felt wrong for not wanting to take the child. "I grew up poor also and I know it sucks to not get what other kids have," she noted. That said, she couldn't ignore that most of those responding to her post thought it was a huge and inappropriate ask of her ex.

"From the sound of it you don't even know Lisa. You have no relationship with her. Imagine what will happen if she gets homesick, ill, rebellious or uncooperative on this trip," one commenter posed.

"You also have no legal power over her. Transporting an unrelated teenager across international borders without a guardian along could expose you to intense scrutiny. There are many reasons to not do this. The most important is that your daughter doesn't want to."

As someone pointed out, OP wouldn't want the drama with her ex that would likely ensue if anything went wrong.

"Taking children overseas is stressful enough as it is without having to bring someone else's child along and look after them," the commenter wrote.

"What if something happens to her on the trip? If she gets lost or hurt. You know the first thing everyone is going to do is point fingers. Rebecca is your priority and I am sure you all want to enjoy your trip. Bringing along two teenage girls who don’t like each other very much would be a nightmare.

"They made their own life choices and cannot expect you to fork out your hard earned money so their kid can go on a non essential holiday."

OP thanked everyone for their insight and shared more as to why she was even considering this in the first place.

"First of all, thanks to everyone for your thoughts (and the hug)! You are all right that this trip is for Rebecca and that I need to consider her wishes first. Lisa will NOT be coming and that's final," she said.

"I feel like I should try to explain why I would think I was the [expletive] for not taking Lisa. Steve and I grew up in an impoverished, rural area and neither of our families had much money. In fact, I have no idea where his folks would get the money to chip in for Lisa's trip but I guess that's not important.

"Anyway, in our town there was a sort of communal feeling where everyone was poor but we all helped each other out. Like if you were having Kraft dinner because you couldn't afford anything better you still shared it with the kids next door because they didn't even have that. If you could help someone, you did."

"We got out of there and I went to community college and managed to work my way into a decent job and between my salary and Joe's we do all right. But I guess I still feel that obligation," OP continued.

"We could afford to take Lisa and there's no way she could ever afford to go otherwise so I guess I still feel kind of bad for not helping. But you're all 100% correct that I need to worry about my kid and that means no Lisa."